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[JulesB]

Hello again ladies.
Just thought I'd post an update as to where I am with myself at the moment.  I've now been on the prozac for nearly five weeks and not sure if they've started to have an effect but know I should give it some time.  My anxiety was at its worst a couple of weeks ago. So much so that I felt I couldn't cope with anything and took myself back off to the doctors and she signed me off work for 3 weeks. I'm seeing her again this Tuesday as my certificate ends on Wednesday. I've always said the best place for me to be is back at work but I've been more relaxed recently and I'm now anxious about going back, as I think I'll make a complete fool of myself burst into tears and want to run out of the office.
I was at the hairdressers the other day and she told me that if I don't feel ready to go back then I shouldn't force myself.  I know I should be putting myself first but work have such a good way of making you feel guilty when taking time off I feel obliged to go back. That said my sick record is really good and these 3 weeks are the most time I've had off in one hit as I've only had the odd day here and there in the ten years I've been there.
The weather has been better recently which has helped lift my mood (you may remember from a previous post of mine I also suffer from SAD) but it's meant to be a iffy again this week which is also getting me worked up.
I can relate to so many other posts I've seen on here whether it be being preoccupied with thoughts of dying to thinking the worst before it's even happened.
I know I'm not on my own when I say I just want the old me back.
Just looking for some more words of wisdom from you wonderful people as I do find it reassuring.
Jules

[MIS71MUM]

Hello Jules
I'm hoping that I may be able to offer you some advice.

I had been off work for just over 3 months, when I went back to work after suffering from anxiety. It wasn't easy, I'll be honest but I think it's when my recovery started to speed up. Some days I did walk around the office crying, not out loud, but had tears streaming down my face.  I was open with work and asked that my department was told the reason for my absence. When I did go in, I did it gradually, an hour or two at a time, with me being able to leave when I wanted. Then I started doing 3 hours, 4 hours, then 2 sessions at 4 hours. I am now doing 20 hours with a view to being backup to 28 in 3 weeks.

Work has been brilliant in every way possible. My colleagues have supported me and so many people have confided in me that they too are on AD's.

In addition, I am 8 weeks into a 12 week cbt course.  This has been hard sometimes but it has aloud me to stand back and realise my negative thinking pattern that I have developed whilst suffering from anxiety,

I do feel like I am slowly getting control back over my life....and control is a big thing when suffering from anxiety.

One thing I have noticed is that the thought of doing something is often worse than the reality - this was especially true about going back to work.....I assumed I would crash and burn before I got through the door, but I didn't.

Good luck👍🏻

[Katejo]

Hello again ladies.
Just thought I'd post an update as to where I am with myself at the moment.  I've now been on the prozac for nearly five weeks and not sure if they've started to have an effect but know I should give it some time.  My anxiety was at its worst a couple of weeks ago. So much so that I felt I couldn't cope with anything and took myself back off to the doctors and she signed me off work for 3 weeks. I'm seeing her again this Tuesday as my certificate ends on Wednesday. I've always said the best place for me to be is back at work but I've been more relaxed recently and I'm now anxious about going back, as I think I'll make a complete fool of myself burst into tears and want to run out of the office.
I was at the hairdressers the other day and she told me that if I don't feel ready to go back then I shouldn't force myself.  I know I should be putting myself first but work have such a good way of making you feel guilty when taking time off I feel obliged to go back. That said my sick record is really good and these 3 weeks are the most time I've had off in one hit as I've only had the odd day here and there in the ten years I've been there.
The weather has been better recently which has helped lift my mood (you may remember from a previous post of mine I also suffer from SAD) but it's meant to be a iffy again this week which is also getting me worked up.
I can relate to so many other posts I've seen on here whether it be being preoccupied with thoughts of dying to thinking the worst before it's even happened.
I know I'm not on my own when I say I just want the old me back.
Just looking for some more words of wisdom from you wonderful people as I do find it reassuring.
Jules

Hi JulesB i can't really advise but just want to give a bit of support. i suspect that I would be better off staying at work as being at home would make me dwell on my anxieties. My workplace isn't perfect but they are very supportive towards people who need time off for whatever reason. Hope that things get better for you soon.

[CLKD]

It's part of a woman's make up to feel guilty.  Comes with the territory.  Until you stop feeling guilty you won't feel that being off work because you R not feeling well is OK.  I never felt guilty.  If I was not well: tuff!

It is better to take your GPs advice!  Take time for you.  Get well as you won't be doing anyone any favours by going in/out of the workplace.

Take care of you!

[Kathleen]

Hello JulesB.

Ah, words of wisdom. If only. What I do have though is plenty of experience of menopausal anxiety and I totally sympathise with you.

 I don't work but  I've  friends who do and know that when they have cried at work they have been treated with kindness and understanding by other staff members and the public.

I've had a very anxious few days and when I allowed myself a good cry infront of my husband and son yesterday I felt better for it. I know that is very different from the work place but it made me think that crying is something I should do more, not less of at this horrible time on our lives.

Wishing you well whatever you decide to do.

Take care.

K

[babyjane]

I wish I could cry, it would help so much but my emotions are completely locked up and I am afraid once they start they will not stop. I am hoping my psychotherapy will start to unlock them in a safe place 

[Clovie]

I just wanted to sympathise and offer support to you JulesB, and also to others suffering.
I suffer too, and thankfully (I think? ) I don't work, so at least I don't have to worry about that..... Totally identify with wanting the 'old me' back too.

I agree with the notion that you need time for YOU. Whilst it's good to feel you're needed at work, your place of work won't close down without you. Your place of work will take care of itself. You take care of you. Don't feel guilty for one minute! I'm sure everyone wants you back - but wants you back feeling good, or at least better  xx

Babyjane, I'm sending you gentle hugs and hope that your psychotherapy helps xx

[babyjane]

  I have to believe it will or there is no point.  I realise I have to do the work for the sake of myself and my lovely family.

[coldethyl]

I have to believe it will or there is no point.  I realise I have to do the work for the sake of myself and my lovely family.

Wishing you well with all of this. I find crying a mixed blessing- sometimes it helps but if I start crying about the deeper issues I just end up in a cycle of despair as I can't deal with them. I had a very tricky start to my marriage which continued  throughout fertility treatment and several miscarriages and I find it very difficult to forget ( or forgive if I'm honest) it all - I'm having counselling now and we have talked about it , but there are no easy solutions other than to walk away from what is not an unhappy relationship these days. Hopefully your psychotherapy will give you the understanding and tools needed to move forward for yourself first and foremost and then your family. X

[babyjane]

thank you for your kind words