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[GypsyRoseLee]

I'm not a GP, but think I can safely say you most probably have PND. I recognise everything you describe because I had PND too. I knew even before I left hospital with my baby that something was very wrong, because I wanted to leave her behind and pretend she hadn't happened. Absolutely crazy, I know. But it seemed a workable idea to me at the time.

Within a few days I thought I was having a breakdown. Crippling anxiety, irrational thoughts, waves of dread, constant tears. I was barely able to take care of myself, let alone my baby, so my Mum had to come and help every day.

My HV and GP diagnosed me with PND and I tried Prozac. Didn't like it, made me feel spaced out and wooden. Same with Sertraline which made my anxiety worse. Then I tried Amitriptyline, an older tricyclic, but wonderful stuff. I only took 50mg which is a low dose but it made me sleep beautifully and stopped the waves of anxiety and dread. It took about 6 weeks to work fully but it saved me.

Have you tried it? I do know that most SSRIs will make you feel worse before you feel better. 90% of serotonin is actually created and stored in your gut, this is why SSRIs can really upset your stomach at first. But symptoms tend to settle within 4 weeks.

It's lovely that your GP is sympathetic but really you need a specialist for this. Can you see a gynaecologist privately? It will cost about £175 but they are the experts. They will likely try to treat you with hormone therapy as opposed to ADs, which is the correct thing to try.

Have you read Prof. Studd's website? He talks a lot about hormonal depression. You will immediately recognise yourself in his case studies. I recognised myself too.

There is help out there for you, you just need to get the right help. But you will recover from this.

[Lizab]

After reading the other responses regarding post natal depression, I thought I would add my experience. These wacky hormones are very confusing.

 My erratic, flooding, spot all month periods began when my youngest was 14 months. In hindsight, I was very emotional too. I attributed everything to hormone fluctuations from weaning, even though my periods had returned regularly at 6 months.
Things settled for a few months then went wild again. This is when the gynecologist first mentioned perimenopause and ran tests to rule out cysts, fibroids, etc. At this point I was still sane and happy.
A year later, I lost my mind (or I felt like it anyway). At that point is when my gp found my FSH level to be very high, and felt confident confirming it is menopause.

My purpose in telling all that, is to say that it really doesn't matter if it's post natal depression or perimenopause. I believe it is your hormones. Most likely your body is trying to find balance after pregnancy and birth, while trying to transition into menopause. It's a combo from hell, I know. As the others have said, don't give up. Hopefully some doctor will have some kind of relief for you, but even if not, keep going. Your body will eventually find the balance. That's what I'm counting on for me anyhow. Good luck

[GypsyRoseLee]

Yes, you're right Lizab. I was only 32 when I had PND and although it was obviously a hormonal illness, I was able to fully recover and enjoy another 10 years of 'normality' before the perimenopause hit, and brought back all the same hormonal depression and anxiety again.

On Prof. Studd's site he cites that many of his patients had PND in their 30s and then never really felt 100% well again for the next 10 years, before ending up in his office suffering with extreme PMDD or perimenopause. I believe that for an unlucky few PMS just segues into PND which then segues into several years of perimenopause Hell.

Prof. Studd says as much, and he firmly believes that PND should be treated with hormones, not ADs. I know when I was on Prozac and Sertraline for PND I felt robotic. No more fears and tears, but no joy or smiles either. I felt very chilled on Amitriptyline but I felt almost too dreamy, and found it hard to get bothered about anything at all, which isn't necessarily a good thing (though far preferable to the intense anxiety).

Eventually I stopped ADs and was fine. I think that basically, as you say, my endocrine system had rebalanced itself in the background while I'd been on ADs for a couple of years.

I am trialling HRT at the moment and see Annie Evans in 6 week's time so I sincerely hope I will find a 'cure' for my hormonal anxiety and low mood which suck all the cour out of my life.

But evenso I do believe that in the long term my body will rebalance itself as I become menopausal. And that these years of awfulness will slowly fade and become just a dark memory like my 2 years of PND did.

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on!  PND needs treatment ASAP! 

[BrightLight]

Hi Tinkerbell - I just wanted to send you a hug. A lot on your plate.  Can you try a bit of self compassion and allow yourself to not be OK, just for a few minutes and take the added pressure off? You sound completely overwhelmed.  You also sound like you are doing a great job of tackling things and trying to solve issues and get support.  x

[Dorothy]

Sounds like PND to me too - never had kids but a lot of friends have had PND & it's sounding awfully familiar.  There is loads that can be done to help - one friend suffered with all 3 of her kids but it has got better each time because they keep coming up with new ways to help.  Please don't worry about seeing your GP - they see PND mums all the time.  If you're worried about how you'll feel, take your partner or a trusted friend along with you for support.  Sending huge hugs and wishes that things will brighten for you soon. 

[Niamh]

I also wanted to send you hugs and reassurance. I have 2 little ones my youngest nearly 2 and I had PND I didnt recognise it until recently. I had the classic pmt, PND, progesterone intolerance history I was a mess and then I saw Prof Studd (appreciate im lucky to be able to pay) im not totally fixed but im hugely better. I think this is all hormonal and you can and will get better,..agree you need a referral or could you go private? Prof Studd is excellent at treating ladies with your kind of issues I think his hrt prescription is the best ...I know how awful it is coping with little ones and all of this. Please get some help life can be good again x

[Tinkerbellj]

Thank u all so much for your support it means such a lot. I do think I have pnd and told several doctors this they just igbored me saying oh thats natural or well if u cant take ads what can we do I have changed last fri to evorel patch 59mg and my menopausal symptoms have come fkooding back with added headaches.  I would be happy to go private but would love a recommendation I live in northern ireland and have gone private before but they r just doctors who havent a clue. I think I will bring thearticle with me I think it was gypsy who said it prof studd it just rings so many bells why will no doc listen. Even if I ring today it will be two weeks before I see a doc. I am soooo tired and I have started vomiting again in the mornings. I really dont have the energy to fit anymore.should I up the hrt myself? The thought of ringing the hrt clinic again makes me feel ill. They will just say give it more time but I know my ow n body. I have been ill before but never ever felt this despondent.  My health visitor even rang my gp and said I jad pnd and they did nothing. I have had amytryptilyn and it did work but I put on loads of weight and felt constantly tired. I took it for pain. I have called my health visitor and asked her to contact me. She is also menopausal so understands and she is lovely. I just want to go to bed and stay there. I have put my wee one for a nap bit cant sleep cuz I keep thinking he will stop breathing while asleep.  I was like this with my daughter too I explained all this. Nothing done they just looked at me.

[Dorothy]

Can you ask your health visitor if she can do any more to get you help from the GP?  She sounds great, at least you have someone who is understanding and supportive; it's a start!  If you go back to the GP, think about taking someone with you who can fight your corner for you - problem is that when we feel so weak, we don't have the energy to argue with a GP, so it can help having someone else to do it for you!

Meanwhile, shout loudly for help with the day-to-day stuff so you can get a break.  Maybe ask a good friend to watch your baby for you for a couple of hours so you can rest?  Or ask someone to do the shopping/cook a meal/run a vacuum round.  Don't be afraid to admit you need some practical help to get you through the next few months.  True friends will want to help...and you don't really need other kinds of friends!

[CLKD]

http://www.4ni.co.uk/c/78427/post-natal-depression-group-belfast

https://www.nct.org.uk/parenting/postnatal-depression

http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk

http://www.familysupportni.gov.uk/listing/aware-defeat-depression-belfast/

[dazned]

Thank you CLKD 

[Tinkerbellj]

Wow thanks for taking the time to do that!! I am going to go private I have decided so am on the hunt for a good gynae who can treat pnd with hormones etc. Have emailled the ulster clinic to ask if they can recommend anyone as I know not all cinsultants r the same.!

[CLKD]

You are very welcome.  GPs should not ignore PND  - let us know how you get on!

[SadLynda]

not sure if anyone else mentioned this.  But when I started my AD's I got some sweets for the sickness, there are two types (to buy on line, they may have them in boots too) one are for people on chemo for the sickness and another lot are for pregnancy, I got both and they worked for me.  When I mentioned it here I know other ladies tried travel sick pills for the nausea.

Just a couple of ideas.  I am on AD's for the peri meno.  Last time I was on them was 25 years ago for PND - so I do know exactly how you are feeling.

Take Care and hope you have found some small comfort here.

[CLKD]

would never think of buying appropriate sweets - have taken travel sick tablets to get me to sleep many years ago ….