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[Maria_stoff]

Hi everyone,

So back in November I posted about how worried I was about my mum who really is going through a hard time with menopause, so much so that she'd really scare me that she wasn't going to get through it. We thought we'd had a breakthrough when I took her to a menopause clinic, the lady was so helpful and everything she explained made so much sense! Things got a LOT better following the weeks after her appointment and she was almost back to her normal self. She's now completely dropped back to where she was before, even though she isn't doing anything differently. She doesn't want to get out of her bed and she says she doesn't want to go downstairs because the house just seems 'full of illness'. I read an article on here which was advice for partners and the lady that wrote it said that if she had a penny for every time a woman had said to her that they felt as if they were dying then she would be rich. This is exactly what's happening to my mum. She was slurring her speech the other day and shaking violently, it was like she was having a fit. It absolutely terrified me let alone how she must have felt. She's having more regular panic attacks now and every time I see her in the nicest way possible she is a mess She just keeps telling me that she feels like she's dying and it makes me sick with worry that something is going to happen to her. She's been to so many doctors appointments it's unreal. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I've studied and studied countless articles but as there's so many different opinions I don't know what's right or what's wrong. So my question to you ladies is please could you tell me how a family member helped, or are helping, you to manage your symptoms?

Thanks in advance!

Maria x

[Maryjane]

So sorry for mum and you......is mum on HRT ? If not that's where she needs to start, if she is and that's what made her better for a while then the dose probably needs changing. Was it a NHS menopause clinic or private? Is she on antidepressants also ? Has her thyroid been checked ? Just because the practice says its normal most definitely does not mean so. Good luck. This really is an awful time , I have three daughters and prey they don't get what I have. Good luck.x

[Pollie]

Maria

You sound to be in a really difficult situation but I think the best thing you can do rather than try and diagnose your mums symptoms is go with her to the GP appointments and be guided by them.

Despite what you may glean from opinions on here, they are the experts in general health.

Not everything is menopause related.....

Good luck, your mum is very lucky to have you !

pollie

[Maria_stoff]

Hello Pollie and Mary Jane,

My mum is on HRT at the minute, the menopause clinic she went to was private and the lady said that she wasn't on enough oestrogen and that the progesterone that the GP had prescribed to her was not a 'good' one to be on and that half of all women that go on that particular type of progesterone suffer awful side affects from it. So with that in mind she chucked it across the desk and said to mum that she would be on oestrogen only for three months and then take a purer form of progesterone mid February to protect her womb. I've been with her to many of the GP appointments and I must admit they have said everything in contradiction to what the private lady said. At the clinic we were told that you cannot overdose on oestrogen and that no matter what our GP told us not to worry as it's measured in micrograms. So when mum went to the GP to pick up her prescription they told her NOT to take as much oestrogen as the clinic lady had advised - so it's all a bit confusing!    She's not on antidepressants at the moment as she's always been awful at taking tablets, her dad had basically drummed it into her as a child not to take anything. It was such a struggle to get her on HRT! It's really gutting because she was getting so much better! She has phoned the private clinic and they've said her levels are dipping in between patches and so to leave the old one on for 12 hours whilst the new patch kicks in. This seemed to help for a while, but again it's dipped back to how she was before. She doesn't enjoy life at all anymore and her days are just filled with feeling unwell. I just really want to help her 

Maria x

[CLKD]

I can sympathise ………. when we feel ill it's like it will never get better 

Be guided by the menopause Clinic - they R dealing with these kinds of symptoms daily.  GPs are not as knowledgeable as they like to think they are.

Is your Mum taking her AD?  Maybe the dosage needs adjusting?  Explain to your Mum that I fought like fury against taking ADs but once I realised that DH and I had a Life again, I came to an acceptance.  If I feel low for more than 3 mornings in a row I up the dosage for 5/6 days.

[Pollie]

Be guided by the menopause Clinic - they R dealing with these kinds of symptoms daily.  GPs are not as knowledgeable as they like to think they are.


CKLD - That may well be true for symptoms that have definitely been diagnosed as being due to menopause but if Marias mum doesn't go her GP and only sees a private Gynae then something could be missed.

If my mum was slurring her speech I wouldn't be seeing a gynaecologist ....

Pollie

[Maria_stoff]

I think the slurring of her speech was because she was having a panic attack - which she's never had before, she hasn't done it again since. Once me and my brother got her to breathe properly and calm down her speech returned to normal. It's frustrating because she won't want to take AD's and I just feel she should at least give them a go    I can't say for sure whether her symptoms are made worse by a hormonal imbalance or by the anxiety as she's always been a bit of a hypochondriac so I'm thinking that this may not be helping. I would like her to have some therapy which the GP said that she would arrange but haven't heard anything back from her yet and that was just before Christmas so... 

[coldethyl]

I think you need to go with your Mum back to her GP and explain that she isn't getting better. The slurred speech may be anxiety but it could be all sorts of other things too and she needs checking over before you decide on a way forward. I'm in a similar boat to your Mum in that I've had health anxiety for many years and the onslaught of symptoms brought on by the hormonal fluctuations of the perimenopause has made it so much worse. That said  even if hormones are playing a large part, I think that something like CBT would help your Mum as I know that I had a second layer of anxiety to my symptoms just by the way I react to them with more adrenaline. CBT has been shown to be effective in helping women cope with hot flashes and night sweats just by changing the ways of responding to them so I do think it could help your Mum cope with some of fears.

[CLKD]

By going to the GP with your Mum you'll be getting support too. 

[Mary G]

Maria, you say your mum is on HRT at the moment but has dropped back to where she was before without doing anything differently.  Do you think she has accidently lowered her dose?  Is she taking the exact oestrogen dose that the specialist prescribed?  Sorry for the questions but I got a bit confused! 

I used to do the two patch thing you mentioned to avoid the dip when I was on them but I have now moved to the oestrogen gel which I find more effective and flexible because you can adjust the dose to suit your needs.  Perhaps you mum could consider this?  I know a lot of members are very happy on patches but I found them to be ineffectual so perhaps your mum is having the same problem.

I agree that you mum needs to be checked for an underlying health problem but the lady at the menopause clinic is no doubt a specialist who is far more knowledgeable about the menopause that the average GP so I would go with her prescription. 

[SadLynda]

sorry things are no better.  Can I suggest a change in GP practice perhaps? I am on my 3rd lot now and my regret is not coming here sooner, I now have a super GP at long last.

Also agree with CLKD about the AD's - I didnt want to go down this route either, but I am now so glad I did, I hadnt even realised how bad I had got until my days keep getting better, I now would not be without them.

[Maria_stoff]

Hi guys,

So yesterday I took my mum to a private GP - £300 later eek! He has done all sorts of tests ( which we could have got on the nhs which is annoying but I felt we needed to do something quickly). She's had a full blood count test which we will have to wait for the results. He doesn't think it's anything serious, most likely a deficiency of some sort. She had an ECG done and apart from her heart beating too fast everything else seems normal. Her urine was fine and everything else he checked seemed ok. So really just waiting on blood results. He did however prescribe her antidepressants. I had to tell him everything as she was too shaky to really say much and I mentioned about her not being able to get out of bed in the morning and her anxiety issues and panic attacks. He said he thinks we need to get that under control before we can see what the underlying issue is as the depression is making everything ten times worse. She's currently bed ridden as she feels no better today and it really is awful to see her this way. To Mary - She is also taking oestrogel as well as her normal 150mg patches of oestrogen as the gynae said to put 2-3 pumps on when she feels a bit ropey. I've also put her forward to have some CBT, as I've studied this myself in psychology and think she could really benefit from some professional help.

Thanks everyone x

[CLKD]

Explain to your Mum that when she is hungry, does she not eat?  So if the various parts of the body need support, maybe think about medication to ease symptoms.  Point out that she doesn't have to take them for ever but she may find that the relief is worth it.  Usually 5-6 months trial gives the brain time to perk up.  Once relaxed she can then make more informed decisions ;-).

Let us know how you get on.  I had high anxiety this morning and immediately thought of your Mum!

Don't worry about your Mum staying in bed.  Maybe teach her relaxation exercises to do: i.e. stretch each toe and relax, stretch the ankles, relax - all the way up the body.  By the time I get to my knees I'm usually asleep  ……… I found that soft music by the bed helped me to relax more.  Took my mind off the whirring a bit.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Am I right in thinking that your Mum is wearing 150mg patch 'and' using 2-3 pumps of oestrogel too? Even if you can't OD on oestrogen I have read that too much can cause more anxiety and jitters etc.

[Maria_stoff]

Hi Gypsy Rose Lee,

Yes she is on both lots, so a very high dose! Think I'm going to tell her to lay off the gel a bit as a test. Also thanks for the advice CLKD 

Maria x