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[babyjane]

Just watched the programme on loneliness that we recorded from late last night on BBC 1.

would any of us ever admit if we were really lonely?

[bramble]

I have lived on my own most of my life. No family. But I rarely feel lonely. If I do, I will phone a friend or go visit. I expect I shall feel lonelier as I get older as my ability to go out and about will diminish. It is a fact of life. The trick is not to define yourself by it.

bramble

[CLKD]

  - I thought I'd put a message on this topic ……..

[Dorothy]

I know some people say if they are lonely, but I'm not sure I would.  I don't think I would want company that was only given because I asked for it.  I would want people to spend time with me because they wanted to, not because they felt obliged to be 'nice' to me.

[babyjane]

Mum enjoyed her own company. She was happy to be alone but never felt lonely as she had family, friends and people from church to call on when she wanted to see them. She also went out and about but didn't crave company.

My grandmother was a pathological sociopath and hated people but she was an extreme case.

I used to feel lonely in the evenings when my husband was a shift worker. Our daughter had bouts of loneliness when away from home at university.

However this was nothing like the loneliness portrayed in the programme.  That was on another level and had quite a depressing end. It made us think about our own elderly neighbours.

[Joyce]

Not sure how I'd cope. I know a couple of years ago hubby was away on a weekend break with our son. I was on my own for 3 days. I hated it!

[Pennyfarthing]

I LOVE being on my own ... Doesn't happen very often though.     I am equally happy on my own or with company.  I have friends who can't do anything by themselves and I would hate to be like that.

My Mum says she doesn't mind being alone .... She can please herself when she gets up, goes to bed, when she eats, what she watches etc.  She's like me, she knits, crochets, reads and is never bored.

[Dorothy]

I think loneliness means different things to different people.

My mother has never been able to stand being on her own.

Neither has mine!  It can be quite wearing and I've had to develop a hard shell over recent years as she can be a tad manipulative.  Not easy when you're going through peri with the resultant mood swings.  I wouldn't mind but she has a brilliant social life with lots of friends, she just can't stand not having something to do every single day!  Trouble is I'm the opposite!!

S x

Sparkle, your mother doesn't have a long-lost twin does she?  Only she sounds the spitting image of my mother!  Maybe we should put them both in the same house and they can stop each other being lonely while we get on with our own lives    I LOVE being on my own, but since moving in with Mum to look after her, the only time I get peace is when I go out one morning a week to meet a friend.  Mum even talks at me through the bathroom door when I'm in there 

[getting_old]

I prefer my own company and can keep myself occupied / busy without needing other people, although it's nice to have a dog around.

My MIL has been complaining of being lonely since FIL died, but I find it hard to be sympathetic as she and FIL were never involved in the community when he was alive (despite being fit and healthy they sat in the house all day every day except for trips out to buy food) but now she expects everyone to rally round and entertain her. I compare it to my parents who were very involved in their community (driving people to day care, serving lunches, etc.) and didn't expect everyone to come to them.

[CLKD]

I can find plenty to do when here alone but when DH had a holiday several years ago, anxiety took over and I had to go down the Surgery ……. I read, watch TV, I'm on here, I have a garden which keeps me busy and birds to feed ……. I can walk to see friends if my anxiety allows it. 

If I didn't have anxiety I would visit neighbours.  I have a friend who is housebound in another town and I ought to go but anxiety holds me back  ……. [long story short].

[getting_old]

It's that old saying Getting_old - you reap what you sow!

S x

Totally agree, and if she moaned about it to me I'd be inclined to say that 

That really must be wearing Dorothy. Are you able to take breaks during the day, maybe going for a short walk? Our old neighbour had live-in carers and they always took at least an hour out each day to have give them a break and said it really helped.

[clio]

I do like my own company, im not very sociable so dont need alot of friends.  I do however love old people, they tell the most amazing stories of life gone by, the war, fashion, alsorts.  I use to clean for a old lady many years ago for abit extra money.  Tbh I think she was lonely and just wanted the company, she was so funny the things she use to tell me.  She always had the fire on even in the summer, her fire place has alot of silver and brass that needed cleaning so I use to sit infront of her to clean them and she would chat away telling me alsorts of stuff.  I have a long list of stuff I want to do when i retire and one is befriend a old lonely person.  There is a charity called silverlining where you can volunteer either by writing to someone once a week, or phoning or go visit.  This is something I would enjoy but working fulltime and still doing up our home time is short.  I do feel im wasting valuable time working as there are many ways I could help and would want to help if only I had the time.  Interesting topic.

Clio

[clio]

Thankyou Sparkle

Clio

[Dorothy]

How long have you lived together? 

Nine months...which is nine months too long.    I'm looking for a place to live nearby so I can help but have my own space...unfortunately private rents are too high and I've been told I'm unlikely to be rehoused through the council as even homeless people have a 2 year wait!

That really must be wearing Dorothy. Are you able to take breaks during the day, maybe going for a short walk? Our old neighbour had live-in carers and they always took at least an hour out each day to have give them a break and said it really helped.

I walk the dog for half an hour each day which saves my sanity!  She doesn't need someone living in, but she definitely needs help with meals, shopping etc.