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[GypsyRoseLee]

After my disastrous meno clinic last week, I booked an appointment to see Dr Annie Evans but don't see her until the start of March, unfortunately, so I have to somehow get through the next 10 weeks and I can't decide which is the best approach?

Since stopping Marvelon nearly 4 weeks ago I have just been wearing a 50mg patch. I had a fairly heavy withdrawal which started 25 days ago, so I know I need to take some Utrogestan pretty soon to oppose the oestrogen. Though it feels like my body might be gearing up to have a period very soon anyway.

But I don't feel very good at all on 50 mg. I am very up and down. The downs are really bad, and the 'ups' are just relative. I'm not depressed or anxious, but neither am I happy either. There's simply no excitement or joy in my life right now. I seem to have totally fallen out of live with my poor DH too

I know my GP won't prescribe anything higher than.a 50mg patch and I just don't have any fight in me to battle for it.

Alternatively I could buy a higher dose off an internet pharmacy, or even try Qlaira. But it seems a bit silly to start a new regime only 10 weeks from seeing Annie Evans.

Or.......I have a drawerful of Amitriptyline, so I could spend the next 10 weeks in a slightly dreamy haze, but sleeping like a log, but I know it will take at least 4 weeks to really kick in, and I don't really want to then wean off it after seeing Annie Evans.

Please, does anyone have some clear, sensible advice as I have totally lost faith in my ability to make the right decision anymore.

[Maryjane]

I wasn't due to see Dr Annie until March but I emailed her secretary and said please put me on the cancellation lost and I can come a short notice, I saw her two weeks ago and got the cancellation three days after my email. May be worth a try. I can't advise on the rest though.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thanks Mary Jane, I have already asked to go on her cancellationist.

How did you get on with her?

[Kathleen]

Hello GypsyRoseLee.

So sorry  that you have found yourself in this position.

It seems to me that you still  have a lot of options so maybe you could play mix and match with them until you see Dr Evans.  How about continuing with the 50 mcg patch so that the benefits kick in but use the Amitriptyline as and when needed. I don't think unopposed oestrogen would be a problem for a few months especially if you are still having periods. I did this for a year without problems and I'm sure ladies here have been told oestrogen only for 6 months is okay.
I sympathise with feeling defeated by it all but  you still have a lot in your favour and you will be seeing a true expert who will certainly be able to help you.

I also know what it's like to look at loved ones and feel either nothing, plain dislike or worse! I can tell you from experience that your hormonal state is the cause of this distress and when things settle your loving feelings will return.

As I've said before this menopausal ride is tough for some of us but it means there is always someone who has travelled the same path and can honestly state that it does get better.

Wishing you well and sending hugs. You are not alone.

K.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you so much Kathleen, your posts are always so thoughtful and supportive.

If I didn't feel so drained I would be hugely irritated by this whole debacle. I am going round in circles and seem to be travelling backwards half the time with all the conflicting advice.

I've ended up totally doubting myself and feeling so befuddled. Ironic really when I work in an environment where I advise patients all day, every day and am considered very clear thinking and objective. If only they knew!

It is a comfort that you think my loving feelings will come back. At the moment I look at DH and he could just be a random off the Street. Really horrible. I 'know' it is my hormones causing such low moods which in turn 'block' all the nice emotions like love, joy etc. But 'knowing' this doesn't make the horrible emptiness any easier to bear.

I am sorely tempted to temporarily take Amitriptyline again, at least it should stop the 4.30am waking-with-dread which happens so often now.

I am.also very reassured that I am likely fine to go the next 2 months without any progesterone. I'm thinking of it as pre loading before seeing Dr Annie?

I'm phoning the meno clinic in the morning to see what my blood tests last week show? Then will take it from there. If they show me as low oestrogen, despite the 50mg patch, then I might try and fight for a higher patch fromy GP.

[Ju Ju]

I can't advise about what to do re medication, but I can reassure you about your lost feelings emotionally towards your husband. I went through a period of feeling withdrawn from my DH. It is symptom of low mood, but it is temporary. If your DH is bothered, explain it is not about him, but caused by your decline in hormones and to be patient. But most of all, you need to be patient and kind to you. Look after after yourself. What do you do for self care? Do you take yourself off for walks, relax in a bath, read, paint, sing, do yoga or whatever you do for yourself?

[pepperminty]

Hi GRL,

Christmas can be a draining time anyway, and awful if you are feeling low when in theory we are all supposed to be full of Christmas joy.

2 months can seem like a life time I know, but hang on in there with the 50 patch. I wouldn't try to change anything until you see Annie, keep with what your GP advises at the moment.

In the mean time get all your evidence together, read through your own posts to get a clear idea what has worked and what hasn't , so you can present it to her.

Your feelings towards your Husband will return when you stabilise again. Perhaps tell him you are out of sorts and not to take it personally, you just need support.

Just hang on in there and take each day as it comes. You will cope, you have done so far and this is no different. Your body needs time to rebalance with the 50 patch. You will probably feel crap for a while , but once you get some good advice from Annie you will hopefully be on the road to recovery.

Feeling depressed is dire, and you need to be kind to yourself.

You WILL get better in time. 

Pepperminty xx

[Taz2]

Lovely post pepperminty.

Taz x