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[Night_Owl]

Would appreciate any advice on this please.

Has anybody done DIY - completed the LPA forms - both types: health and care decisions / financial decisions.

My elderly father's health has deteriorated (more so since Mum died last year) and we think the time has come to do the LPAs.

I've received the forms (from the government website) and looked through them - oh my goodness, I'm daunted, it all looks so complicated - and I can see why most people use a solicitor. 

Dad has become extremely anxious about money (even though he's reasonably well off) and doesn't want to pay out for anything nowadays.

Being naive thinking I could do it myself?

With thanks for any input.


J x

[Night_Owl]

Yoiks.

Just rang a solicitor local to my Dad and was quoted £900 plus VAT for both LPAs.

[Joyce]

It's not cheap, for sure. Hubby took over his dad's affairs through POA. I feel it's best to have a solicitor involved just in case of any hiccups down the line. Hubby was then responsible for setting up direct debits to pay for his father's care home & such.

[Elenor]

OOOH £900, don't do that.

My other half has an LPA for his dad, which he did online.  Why not go to you local CAB and see if they can help, or even Age Concern.

Sorry, only a newbie, but hope that helps.

Elenor

[Night_Owl]

hmmm... so not sure what to do, thanks Cubagirl, I know what you mean, I keep thinking we should get it done through a solicitor, however such a lot of ££££s though.  Dad freaks out if he has to spend anything over £20 these days.

Elenor - ***Welcome to MM*** - and thank you for your very first post offering advice, how kind.  It's a great forum, hope to see you along the way.  It's encouraging to hear that others have managed LPAs DIY, maybe I can fill most of it in online and take it from there, do it bit by bit.  And yes, CAB and Age Concern, good ideas.

Just checking out Moneysavingexpert to see what they have to say.

J x

[CLKD]

Once it's done it's done!  You may like to consider having a Finanical Advisor around with your Dad too …….. it may ease any money worries 

We did it for Mum before L P of Attorney was altered and for each other.  We do need to update our Wills though.

Let us know how you get on!  R U both more relaxed together?

[Dana]

It might be expensive through a solicitor, but it will be worth it in the long run. I've had to go through the process 3 times - once to do my own, but also for both my parents (both deceased now) and also for a (now) 98 yo aunt who has no children. I've been her EPA (we call it Enduring power of attorney) now for about 10 years, since her stroke, and I have been able to handle all her affairs (like bill paying, banking, selling her house etc) which has been a godsend for her. If it gets to the point where your father isn't capable of making his own decisions (ie dementia), and you don't have an EPA, it will make things really difficult because you won't have any authority over his affairs or finances, and the courts will have to get involved.

I'm not sure how is works in the UK, but in Australia the EPA also has to be registered with the government to be fully authorised, which could be an additional fee that you might need to take into account, unless of course that is included in the solicitor's fee. However, you would have to see proof that the fee is being paid to the government (if that's the case in the UK).

[Ju Ju]

We gave our children our power of attorney when we went travelling 10 years ago in case something happened, which it nearly did as we were involved in a near fatal road accident. We have left it place. My father has set up both financial and health power of attorney recently. Both were done through the solicitors. I wasn't impressed with my fathers solicitors, as there were numerous mistakes, both factual and spelling. He paid an awful lot of money. It was much cheaper when we did it. However, it is worth doing and takes the worry out of things.

[Night_Owl]

Many thanks to All for advice - another solicitor quoted £1.3K including VAT and disbursements.  Mulling it all over.

CLKD, things aren't good with Dad, he is difficult and infuriating to deal with.  I waiver between anger, guilt and sympathy.  He has become so incredibly selfish, 'poor me', nobody else's grief/loss is as bad as his (Mum died in Sept last year).  He does need grief counselling (GP and other hospital docs have recommended this) but scoffs at any suggestions - in fact I've given up making suggestions about absolute anything, as the standard response is "Yes, But ...  "  Already I am truly drained emotionally by his negativity, daily offloading to me, he has always been glass half empty with a chip on it, now so much worse.  I dread to think what the future holds.  Struggling with how to set boundaries.

Thanks again.

J x

[CLKD]

Maybe find a Solicitor who 'deals' with LPA?  many tend to specialise which should make it cheaper.  If they have to do more work in order to fulfil the client's instructions, it may cost more.  I wonder whether an Undertaker would know of Solicitors who do this for a reasonable amount?

How often do you need to engage with your Dad?  Good idea to stop making suggestions because it hurts to be ignored and they never understand that we are trying to help from the 'outside'.  Is he on the 'phone a lot, if so how about a caller display so that you can ignore him allowing you to phone when you want to and for as long as you want to?

[Dana]

Many thanks to All for advice - another solicitor quoted £1.3K including VAT and disbursements.  Mulling it all over.

CLKD, things aren't good with Dad, he is difficult and infuriating to deal with.  I waiver between anger, guilt and sympathy.  He has become so incredibly selfish, 'poor me', nobody else's grief/loss is as bad as his (Mum died in Sept last year).  He does need grief counselling (GP and other hospital docs have recommended this) but scoffs at any suggestions - in fact I've given up making suggestions about absolute anything, as the standard response is "Yes, But ...  "  Already I am truly drained emotionally by his negativity, daily offloading to me, he has always been glass half empty with a chip on it, now so much worse.  I dread to think what the future holds.  Struggling with how to set boundaries.

Thanks again.

J x

He sounds exactly like my mother, except she was like that her whole life. She's gone now, but she was incredibly difficult to deal with, and never said a positive word about anything in her entire life.

I learned there is not a damn thing you can do or say to them, because they will always have a come-back, and mostly it will be the passive aggressive "poor me" type of thing. You'll never win. You just have nod your head and try not to get too engaged with the stress of it.

Looking back now though, even though I always had a very difficult relationship with her, I do feel some sadness at times, and maybe just a little guilt that I was often snappy with her. Her final 12 months or so were especially hard and sad for her because she knew she had started to get dementia, and she'd already seen that happen to her brothers and sisters. It must have been really frightening for her. Fortunately for her she died in her sleep before things got too bad.

I guess as the "younger" generation we have to try to have some patience and understanding, because we have no idea what it's like to get to their age and have to deal with the things they have to deal with. We may end up being just as bad -- or worse.

[Night_Owl]

What I don't understand is this - surely completing LPAs would be a job for a paralegal or ILEX professional, not a solicitor.  Currently looking at The Co-operative Legal Services, as they do LPAs, Dad has his funeral plan through them so can get a discount.

CLKD, yes I do call screen and sometimes don't pick up (then feel massively guilty), listen to the message to make sure it's nothing urgent - then ring later at appointed time.  He would prefer an early morning call too, but I can't start my day with so much negativity.  At the moment, I guess I'm having it easy compared to others.  Currently we're at the stage where I/we visit once a week (c.2 hour drive to south coast) and me and OH speak to him every evening, when he goes from one negative topic to another without a breath.  I have to listen and not interrupt otherwise he gets angry, in person it's the same.

Dana, wise words, you are so right re: patience and understanding - I can't imagine how difficult his life is now - but he does test me to the limit.  And I often wonder too if I'll end up like him (I have a tendency to doom/gloom thinking that I have to work hard to try to overcome).  gawd, I hope not, I don't have offspring to inflict myself upon though!

Mindset is so important isn't it. 

J x

[Night_Owl]

Oh my goodness, all those phone calls - that must have been so difficult to deal with. 

I shouldn't chuckle but I did re: your bro - most of the time I have to make sure I'm doing something else whilst trying to listen, eg. cleaning floor or bath, on PC reading, otherwise I start to get really agitated - little or no response is required.  Even so the negativity still infiltrates my brain.

Dad hasn't yet had any diagnosis of dementia, mainly it seems he's just very lonely.  He has good neighbours who he often sees, his sisters phone, so he does have other conversation.  He has always talked a lot, around the houses, waffling etc (Mum used to complain about it) so that's not new, just now it's even more voluminous!  Since meno, I find that I've become more withdrawn and talk much less.

I should be appreciating the fact that once/twice weekly visits (plus hospital appts etc), being on 'stand-by' for the emergencies, plus the phone calls are all I have to deal with at the moment.

LPA subject will have to be broached again soon.

J x