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[Greenfields]

I hope that more GPs get their heads round hormone imbalances causing symptoms of ME etc in some women.
Greenfield's, may I ask how many days a cycle you take the Utrogestan for? I ask because your symptoms are very like mine and I have started on 25 days a cycle even though I am 52 and only in peri.

I take it for around 25 days too (and I'm 52 and was peri).  Dr suggested this regime as I am so sensitive to meds and she thought taking a small regular dose of utrogestan would be better than taking it for a shorter period.  It's worked really well for me.  I'm about to start my 9th HRT cycle next week and I feel so much better - like my old self before I got ill but only much much weller - I think I last felt like this around November 2014 (before I got ill with a viral infection and then got progressively iller before my hormones got completely out of kilter and I ended up with a nervous breakdown and clinical depression).

Since I got better I've noticed my sweet tooth has reappeared which is a pain!  But otherwise I'm trying to be reasonably healthy and I do a lot more exercise now - weight training - love it, it makes me feel strong and healthy

[GypsyRoseLee]

I am so pleased for you Greenfields. You have come such a long way.

Interesting that you mention about your sweet tooth coming back. When I am 'ill' with hormonal depression/anxiety I cannot stomach the thought of sweet and sugary stuff. But the moment my depression lifts I cravd chocolate again.

Do you know why this is?

[Greenfields]

I am so pleased for you Greenfields. You have come such a long way.

Interesting that you mention about your sweet tooth coming back. When I am 'ill' with hormonal depression/anxiety I cannot stomach the thought of sweet and sugary stuff. But the moment my depression lifts I cravd chocolate again.

Do you know why this is?

No I don't - I should really look into it as I'm curious as to why. It's most irritating for me!  When I was ill I literally gave up sugar, caffiene (in tea) overnight with no cravings for it.  The nutrition person I saw at the time couldn't believe that I didn't have cravings - but I really didn't.  I effortlessly ate green stuff as well! (kale, sprouts ...)

Fast forward to around September and that's when I noticed that I wanted to eat more sweet things and drink regular Earl Grey tea!

I have really tried to limit myself with the tea - I drink around 2 cups a day maximum.

But the sweet stuff is so hard to resist - plus I want to gain weight back as well ... ! I ate an entire box of 6 mincepies in one sitting the other day!! I'm still doing the exercise though!

I went to Oxford on Saturday for a first aid course - while I was at Reading station waiting for my train, I went to get a cup of tea.  The tea store was frying bacon and sausages ... I found the words "can I have a bacon butty?" coming out of my mouth even before I ordered tea!! 

[MIS71MUM]

Hi Greenfields
I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you recover from your breakdown without AD's? I've gone down the AD route but am not seeing a lot of results. I have a lot of bad days. Have stopped the HRT for now for fear of getting worse, I was on Femoston 1/10.

Thanks

[Trufflecat]

Brilliant that you are feeling so well Greenfield's. Long may it continue.

[Greenfields]

Hi Greenfields
I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you recover from your breakdown without AD's? I've gone down the AD route but am not seeing a lot of results. I have a lot of bad days. Have stopped the HRT for now for fear of getting worse, I was on Femoston 1/10.

Thanks

Ask away - I'm happy to answer any Q's.

What helped me - exercise (got a GP referral to a sport centre and did daily exercise classes - only managed this once my energy levels were at the stage where I could walk around a bit).  I started with aqua aerobics as I could go more at my own pace then.

I also did meditation daily. I had a long standing practice before I got ill.

I also did daily relaxation exercises (got a CD and did it everyday).

Gotta finish here as I'm being thrown out the library! (they are closing) - will post more tomorrow.

Hugs xxx

[MIS71MUM]

Thank you - I'm glad that you are feeling so well.

All the best to you. Think I may have a go at some mindfulness meditation myself.

[Butterfly22]

Ah great you on the right road Greenfields, it's just so hard to no what's what with me, I've been going through the menopause for 16/17 years now and still another ten or so to go, I do think I'm settled on the HRT and with my ME I watch what I eat, don't drink, try limit chemicals like body lotions ect. And pace myself just this feeling of sadness is hard to deal with, I've always been a glass half empty person but don't have a reason to be as at a happy time in my life. Xx

[Greenfields]

Thank you - I'm glad that you are feeling so well.

All the best to you. Think I may have a go at some mindfulness meditation myself.

To add to what I posted yesterday! - I read a lot too.

Two books I found very helpful:

Sunbathing in the rain http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sunbathing-Rain-Cheerful-About-Depression/dp/0007232802

The upward spiral http://www.amazon.co.uk/Upward-Spiral-Neuroscience-Reverse-Depression/dp/1626251207

I also liked Cantopher, T. (2012).  Depressive Illness: The Curse of the Strong (3rd Ed.).  London: Sheldon.
Depression the curse of the strong - I felt such a loser going down with what I did and this book helped me to realise that I had a breakdown because I'd been carrying too much stress for too long - it completely reversed how I felt about myself.

I also found reading a lot of recovery memoirs and stories online about depression helped give me hope (will post at the end of this post as it's a long list).

I also found therapies that helped me.  I had acupuncture.

I also found a good psychotherapist and went and had weekly sessions with her.

I also did the ITALK stuff by telephone - it was better than nothing but a phone call every 2 weeks for 20 minutes isn't a lot if half of the call is taken up doing rating scales! But the woman was nice and it was another source of support when I needed it.  I know they do face to face but the wait was 3 months for that so I settled for the telephone calls. 

BTW you can get relaxation tracks from ITalk for free - http://wellbeing-glasgow.org.uk/ Explore the site - here's a link for the anxiety page: http://wellbeing-glasgow.org.uk/anxiety-2/anxiety-videos/

I used a CD I had which was a body scan CD guided relaxation by Jon Kabat-Zinn (his voice will send you to sleep! it's boring! but there are a lot of relaxation cds out there as well as free stuff on the web).  You might be able to get it (or something like it) from the library. It's not a quick fix but it does help over time.

I didn't work.  I have not worked since the breakdown. I lived off savings (didn't qualify for benefits).  I try not to dwell on how much its all cost(!).

I moved house.  I currently rent from a really kind charity.  As a few of my issues arose from housing issues (as well as menopause), moving to somewhere I felt safe and where people were kind made a huge difference to my mental health.  This fits with the research - when people are given safe housing, their mental health improves (go figure!). 

I paid attention to what I ate - I cut out sugar and caffiene from tea.  I made a lot of stuff from scratch. 

I took really good quality fish oil supplements. Can't remember the brand name but I have posted it on here before so google the board and hopefully it will come up!

I think the biggest thing that helped was exercise (for me).  And to begin with I used to totter around a sports field - doing a 10 minute walk and feeling like I was 100!

I also discovered the Quakers and went to Quaker meetings - just being on the receiving end of kindness and acceptance helps.

I couldn't read a paper for months. Or turn on the radio for a month either! So my nervous system was just very sensitive ... and slowly things came back. 

And time - it takes time.  I thought I would be well by the summer but it wasn't until October that I felt more like myself.  Everyone is individual and people I spoke to who had also had this happen to them commonly mentioned that it takes 2 years ... that seems like a long time and I think everyone is different and it depends on how bad the breakdown was as well (I wasn't suicidal or psychotic - I was just overwhelmed and really really fatigued). I wasn't hospitalised.

I think what helped me move along a bit quicker was the exercise, the psychotherapy and the housing - those 3 biggies definitely made significant differences to me.

I also found a fantastic Dr who insisted I check in with her every month.  She was really knowledgable about menopause too.

If you do try psychotherapy, don't settle for someone unless they are a good fit for you - it took me a little while to find someone who was a good fit for me.

I also took beta blockers for a while.  They didn't suit me as a regular med but when I needed to take them on an as and when basis, they were helpful.

I also self referred to a mental health agency and met with a support worker regularly. 

I also went to a MIND group.

I also went to another mental health support group (run by a church).  Both this group and the MIND group were drop in - just being around people helped. And some of the kindest things said to me were by people who had gone through breakdowns themselves and recovered from them.

Basically I didn't isolate myself - but I paced myself too.  I used to have a routine of doing an exercise class, having a rest, meeting people or going to the library ... I did what I felt able to do and didn't beat myself up at what I couldn't do.  I also found wandering around charity stores helpful!

I did a gentle yoga DVD as well - have posted the details on a link on this board - and that was helpful too.

Here's a list of some of the stuff I read related to nervous breakdowns:

BOOKS

Brampton, S. (2009).  Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression.  London: Bloomsbury.

Cantopher, T. (2012).  Depressive Illness: The Curse of the Strong (3rd Ed.).  London: Sheldon.
Depression the curse of the strong

Enders, G. (2014).  Gut, The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Under-Rated Organ.  London:
Scribe Publications.

Kelly, R. (2014).  Black Rainbow: How Words Healed Me: My Journey Through Depression. 
London: Yellow Kite.

Lewis, G. (2002).  Sunbathing in the Rain: A Cheerful Book About Depression.  London:
Flamingo.

Merritt, S. (2009).  The Devil Within.  London: Vermilion.

Plant, J. A. and Stephenson, J. (2011).  Beating Stress, Anxiety & Depression: Groundbreaking
Ways to Help You Feel Better.  London: Piatkus.

Rice-Oxley, M. (2012).  Underneath the Lemon Tree: A Memoir of Depression and
Recovery.  London: Little Brown.

Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z. and Kabat-Zinn, J.  (2007).  The Mindful Way Through
Depression, Freeing Yourself From Chronic Unhappiness.  New York: The Guilford
Press.

INTERNET

Beck, M. (2012).  Time for a Good Old-Fashioned Nervous Breakdown?  The Wall Street
Journal.  Retrieved from
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970204653604577249262618835188.

Burnett, D. (2013).  A breakdown of nervous breakdowns.  Many people suffer from a ‘nervous
breakdown' at some point in their lives.  But despite its widespread use, the term is not
medically valid as it is used to describe a wide range of conditions.  The Guardian. 
Retrieved from http://www.theguardian.com/science/brainflapping/2013/apr/24/breakdown-nervous-breakdowns.

Gillett, L. (2015).  How to Recover from a Nervous Breakdown.  The Huffington Post UK. 
Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/louise-gillett/recovering-from-a-
nervous-breakdown_b_6742854.html.

Grice, E. (2009).  “My illness will not come back, because now I know what the triggers are” Dr
Liz Miller, a former high-flying neurosurgeon who developed bi-polar disorder, talks to
Elizabeth Grice.  The Telegraph.  Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/5454798/My-illness-will-not-come-back because-now-I-know-what-the-triggers-are.html

Hicks, C. (2012).  Mark Rice-Oxley: How I survived a nervous breakdown.  Learning to live
again after depression has inspired a lyrical new book.  The Telegraph.  Retrieved from
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/9133828/Mark-Rice-Oxley-How-I-survived-a-nervous-breakdown.html

Kenny, U. (2010).  Nervous breakdown.  Work worries, parental pressures and a host of modern
stresses mean more and more of us feel we are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  But
are we really?  From insomnia to full-blown hallucinations, Ursula Kenny investigates
what actually happens when we hit rock bottom.  The Observer.  Retrieved from
http://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/2000/sep/10/features.magazine37

Morris, S. (2008).  Nervous breakdown: Happy Survivors.  Anyone can have a nervous
breakdown; high-flyers included.  But it doesn't have to mean the end of a contented life,
says Sophie Morris.  The Independent.  Retrieved from
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/nervous-
breakdown-happy-survivors-1022919.html

Paterson, R. (2015).  In Praise of the Nervous Breakdown.  Retrieved from
http://www.psychologysalon.com/2015/02/in-praise-of-nervous-breakdown.html

Wright, N. (2015).  Nervous breakthrough: my anxiety experience and journey to recovery. 
Retrieved from http://nicolawright.com/2013/05/05/nervous-breakthrough-my-anxiety-
experience-and-journey-to-recovery/
   

[Greenfields]

Ah great you on the right road Greenfields, it's just so hard to no what's what with me, I've been going through the menopause for 16/17 years now and still another ten or so to go, I do think I'm settled on the HRT and with my ME I watch what I eat, don't drink, try limit chemicals like body lotions ect. And pace myself just this feeling of sadness is hard to deal with, I've always been a glass half empty person but don't have a reason to be as at a happy time in my life. Xx

Lila several people have told me about the sadness and gloom they felt at menopause so just know that its hormonal - one woman told me there was no reason for her to be sad and her friend was the same ... they used to meet together and cry as well.

Hugs to you xxx

[Butterfly22]

Wow Greenfields you really have done everything you could of, and to share all your info is great thank you so much xxxx