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[Babsm67]

Hello Sparkle,  that job sounds great - I will have a look at the NHS jobs website & see what is on there.    xx

[lyn]

Hi, Madbloss,
I completely understand how you feel.  It's a real dilemma and we can't really be sure if we are making a good decision or not.
My boss has told me to take another 4 weeks off work (she is lovely) but I don't want to go back at all. It is 4 years until my husband and I  plan to retire and my husband says if I leave work now we will survive financially but we would be very poor and...here's the crunch... never be able to afford another trip to the UK. You may say, who cares about an overseas trip, but we love your country so much and we have good friends there. We really want to return.
 I guess I have to go back but the job is sooo stressful, with nursing students in your face all day, complaining about the system. The government is responsible for the mess the college is in,  not me, but us teachers are the front line and boy, do we cop it from students. I have to decide soon...a quiet life without frills or suck it up and go back to work? I have a friend who says to herself every day "that's another dollar towards our next cruise, etc..." Maybe I could say this to myself hourly?
I wish you luck with your choices.

[CLKD]

Lyn - once you accept that you are retired but that comes with the consequence of not travelling as often or as far, you will enjoy being away from the stresses of the work place.  After all, which is more important: YOUR health or a holiday  .  There are places I want to see [Italian Lakes] but have to accept that I will never get there  but currently, DH and I do get out and about most days.

[honeybun]

When my hubby gave up work due to ill health we were underprepared financially. You never really plan properly for that. I did various part time jobs over the years and ended up working from home which suited well.
You do cut your cloth to suit and it's actually not that hard when you get used to it. We were lucky as our mortgage was paid off and although money was very tight for a few years we got there.
You cannot live these years again so my opinion is make the most of now.

Our situation has improved as pension time arrived and various investments matured.

I encouraged hubby to give up work as I could see the damage it was doing both mentally and physically and I have never regretted the decision.

Good luck with whatever choice you make.....just remember life is short though and make the very most of it that you can.

Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

Agree Honeybun - take each day as though tomorrow isn't going to arrive 

[Babsm67]

Hi Ladies,   thanks again for your encouragement. Took 2nd AD today & feel a bit strange (even stranger than usual!)     but I expected that.  This morning, I looked at the NHS jobs website for a job like Sparkle had done but there were none available.  I also looked for lunchtime assistant jobs as I could cope with that, having done that 13 years ago (that's how I drifted into TA work).  Then a thought occurred to me that I could ring the school, explain the situation regarding the worries about the TA part of that job & ask if they had filled the lunchtime assistant part of it. (I could only try)  I asked if they would still be willing to take me on as a lunchtime assistant. They said that they would  . Obviously, it means I would be tied to school holidays but I would be far less stressed & still be able to look after the children without the responsibility of TA work.  I could also still volunteer in the charity shop or the hospital for a few hours.  The school is less than 10 minutes drive or a 25 minute walk.  The supermarket is 11 miles away & a 25 minute drive (and a 7am start on Weds).
The downside is that I would be taking a big pay cut but still earning some extra money.  Even worse, my husband is not impressed & is unhappy about the amount of money I will earn.  He said it is not 'a proper job'.  Needless to say, I am pretty upset right now. (I have not dropped the supermarket job yet - I don't have to give notice before 4 weeks of employment).
 Am I being selfish?  I am just trying to look after my mental health & not take on too much before I am ready.  I know the checkout job will be too stressful & not varied enough - the trouble was, I needed to try it to find that out.  It has been a really confusing time for me, not knowing what to do for the best as I have enjoyed working with the public whilst volunteering but I do adore children & seeing them go through the checkout with their parents on Sunday, I found myself talking to them like I always used to.   I wish I had been able to pluck up courage to talk to the former head of the school about working lunchtimes only when I saw her after I returned from my holiday instead of messing everyone about further down the line.
As both CLKD & Honeybun have said - make the most of these years .  I would rather have better health than a lot of money & I want to spend the weekend with my family (even if my husband plays golf for part of Sunday!). Mind you, the way things are going, he probably won't want to be with me full stop.     Who can blame him with this madwoman of a wife?!      hugs xxx

[Babsm67]

Ps. Doing the lunchtimes only means I can go home afterwards & not bring the job with me xxx

[CLKD]

Your Husband needs a  .  This is about YOU!  Have you sat down 2-gether and worked out the ins and outs of your current monetary situation?  You will save money if you don't have as far to drive.  If anxiety over-whelms you, you won't be earning anything.  Your husband will give up his golf in order to save money then?  Cutting cloth etc. 

You must take care of your mental health.  I think that any change in your situation will cause some anxiety but if you are more comfortable with the lunch-time work, go for it.  It must make you feel good that having asked the question, they said 'yes'  .  Once you are back in the swing of child care at lunch-time you can review.  Nothing is for ever!  If you can leave work behind that has to be a Bonus!

The Volunteering might lead to paid employment.  You may gain courage which will enable you!  Stick to what *you* are comfy with.

[lyn]

MadBloss, I know how you feel as my husband does not seem to understand either and cannot "get" why, at 56, I need to leave work.  I don't know what your husband does for a living but do others find that, if their partner's job is very different indeed from theirs, the understanding of the stresses and problems is just not there?
As a nurse  married to a truck driver...I understand he has unique stresses that I do not have, but, at the end of the day, he is alone driving a truck.
 I have to talk for 7 hours a day and try to solve hundreds of problems with disgruntled students, angry hospitals pulling out of placement agreements and leaving students with no place to do their work experience etc. Sorry to complain, but I do believe my job is way more stressful than his. MadBloss: you ask, are we selfish? I don't think so.

[SadLynda]

I think taking care of our mental health is a very lonely business, but nobody else understands how it feels (except maybe the ladies here).  I find my battle is a very personal one and if I dont sort it out who else will? so no, I most certainly do not think you are being selfish MadBoss - I once read somewhere many women are so conditioned to put themselves last they find it very hard to take care of themselves when necessary.

There is my lesson of the day

[Babsm67]

Hello Ladies,  thanks for your kind words.  I was not good last night as DH & myself had an argument whilst walking the dog & I ended up walking off alone along dimly lit alleyways & across town for about 2 miles.  DH was cross as there bad been a discussion in his workplace about changing the autumn half term shutdown NEXT year as everyone's children had left school.  Obviously, me proposing to work in a school at lunchtime did not go down very well even more after that.   
CLKD- you are right in that whatever job I do, I  will feel anxious & I need to avoid stress as much as possible.  I am shocked by how tired I feel after doing a job that is, after all, only two shifts per week.  Maybe it takes a lot longer to recover from a breakdown than I imagined.  I know now that I have to take things in small steps.  I went into work this morning & I was OK but I feel absolutely shattered. (I woke up in the night then woke up again at 4 30am & couldn't get back to sleep).  I got up at 5 45 am.  Yes, it is about ME - if I am not healthy, how on earth can I look after our son or do anything for anyone else. I am going to work out just how much money will go per month on petrol!
Lyn - DH is a joiner by trade so he gets very tired physically & has little sympathy for me feeling the same after my part time job.  You must be under far more stress than me as it sounds like you are working full time.  No wonder you want to get out of there - can't your husband see what itnisndoing to you mentally?  Mental stress is as bad as physical stress (probably worse because it ends up affecting you physically as well).
Sparkle - thanks for your encouraging words.  I feel nervous about tomorrow because I still let the school down about the TA part of the job but I will see how it goes tomorrow .
Sadlynda - thanks for your 'Lesson of the day'  .  Many people are still ignorant about mental illness & it can feel lonely - thank goodness for the lovely ladies on this forum  .      xx

[CLKD]

Although not taking your original TA job is in the forefront of your mind, others should have moved on 

Let us know how you get on!

[lyn]

Well said, CLKD! One would hope others have moved on. You are a very wise person and your messages to us all are very encouraging.
I have decided to work 2 days a week and see how that goes. I will start this in 4 week's time. If I cannot do it, then I will leave. What I'd really love to do is a Trinny and Suzannah type of job...but I doubt anyone would want my  advice or criticism... ha ha

[Babsm67]

Hi,  That's fantastic news, Lyn. I really hope that will work out well for you - it's got to be better than full time & you will have some time to yourself at last. Yes, doing a Trinny & Susannah type of job would be fun or being a personal shopper so you could help someone to choose their outfits 
CLKD - I went into the school at lunchtime & it did me the world of good to get outside with the children.  I was pretty fed up before I went out as we had heard that my son was not going to be provided with transport from the County Council (which we would have paid for) at the last minute despite an appeal from my son's social worker.  The price of a private taxi to take our son to college would be £5,000 per college year!  (It is 17 miles away). The only alternatives (as I have already explored other avenues such as voluntary organisations etc.) are either:

I take our son to college & pick him up for the three days per week (a drive of at least 2 hours per day in total) or try to persuade him to attend the local college, which he was against (I am going to try again though).  Going out to that job cleared my head a bit which was what I needed.  I just hope that the school will be happy with me!  Xx

[Babsm67]

Hi Sparkle,  my son was originally dead against going to the local college because of certain people that had been there when he was on a school link 2 years ago.  His friend attends the other college 17 miles away because he lives nearer to it & can use public transport.  A little while ago, I phoned the college my son was due to attend & explained the situation to see if he could visit the local college as the same course is run there (the colleges are all under the same umbrella name).  The tutor from the local college phoned me 10 minutes ago & said that my son can attend there next week to see if he likes it.  She told me who else will be on the course from my son's former school & my son now wants to go there because he likes those people! (There were mixed year groups in my son's final year at school 2 years ago).  He also knows the tutor as she was involved in that link with his school 2 years ago.  I am hoping he will be OK - if he likes it, he will simply have his details transferred over;  if he doesn't then I will be taking him to the other college.  He could actually walk to the local college as it is less than 10 minutes away  . My head is a lot clearer than it was this morning (I felt like my mind was going to implode!)
Next thing I need to do is get my consultant's appointment moved (it means waiting a couple more months) as it clashes with the lunchtime job - I need to write a 'to do' list before I forget!  Xx