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[groundhog]

Reading Dazned's thread about fulfilling her dream of moving to snowdonia got me thinking.  I have always wanted to live somewhere with a sea view but such properties tend to be out of my price range.  On saying that with a bit of effort we could just manage it but OH is not interested saying he'd rather have money in the bank.   We have both worked all our lives and have some savings but I'm finding since I went Ill money matters seem to have gone to pot so to speak.  I am finding my OH who is very resentful at the fact we cannot go abroad is wasting money on everything he wants - large TVs and sound systems,  any gadget going, and rugby weekends with or without me.   I've always been a saver and cautious with money but now I too am finding if I want my hair done a few times a month then I do it,  same for manicures etc.  it just feels completely off kilter for me and I know whilst we are like this,  our nest egg is frittering away.   I don't feel comfortable yet if I speak to oh he says well we could be dead tomorrow or something equally unhelpful.  Another thing that bothers me is if something did happen to me I really think he would buy a boat or do something reckless and me being me would like to look out for some special family members.    Am I overthinking ladies?
Seems to be another mismatch between oh and I ATM. 
I'd be interested to know what you all think xx

[Ju Ju]

No nest egg here apart from in property. Going to the USA has been stressful to fund and we would certainly not be going this year but we can't not. We have to meet our new granddaughter! How would our son and his wife feel if we didn't pull all the stops out? I worry about what happens if.....and DH says it will sort itself out.

We came to live here in 1986 for 5 years! We were going to upgrade after that, but remember the interest rates? We stayed put, we put roots down, made friends and the location is lovely. Now we could move to a cheaper part of the country, buy a better home, but then what? Too much to give up just for a house.

[CLKD]

We have never argued about money.  We saved when necessary, never went 'without', paid off the mortgage eventually.  We moved here in the 1980s and had intended to move to a house with more land but prices went up so we stayed put.  I continued working until I was too ill.  We have never had 'fast' cars, nor have we gone on expensive holidays; firstly due to anxiety and then I bought a  which meant holidays in the UK which we enjoyed.

By investing wisely we have a pot to enjoy.  We had intended to move back to Wales but our hobbies are here.  I could start again with making friends if necessary and would miss our neighbours for a while: I've done it all before 

Groundhog - it is OK to spend your money on 'treats' especially if him indoors isn't communicating particularly well right now.  As for 'wasting' money  ……… I would consider waste being DH buying something that I can't share.  I would consider waste if it were spent on drink or drugs  ……. as for buying a boat, what's wrong with that?  If you want to give to family members then do so now! because even making a Will doesn't guarantee that your wishes are carried out if the Will is challenged.

We have worked for our monies.  Parents helped occasionally and have always fed us, taken us on shared holidays without us contributing.  I lent a family member money many years ago and it was never paid back so that was a hard learning curve  : never again, we now use our money after discussion.

As an aside: how much money would you spend without asking your other half? for me it's up to £200.00.

[honeybun]

We always discuss what to buy and what to spend on it .....then I go find a bargain. I would not be happy if hubby spent large sums of money without talking to me first. The only time things are not discussed is at birthdays and Xmas.
Hubby rarely spends anything at all. He never really wants anything and is a nightmare to convince him to buy clothes.

Why don't you invest some of your nest egg so it's not easily accessible then have a treat fund.
We have some money tied up, that's my emergency fund and it really would have to be an emergency before I touch it.

Obviously you would have to talk to your hubby about it but presumably some of the money was earned by you so if he didn't agree you could invest your share of the money.


Honeybun
X

[bramble]

I have worked hard all my life for my money starting working while still at school and before the legal age. It was the way I was brought up. We had to earn our keep. I am comfortably off and have never wanted for anything. But I am not that extravagant - I think carefully before I buy anything. I sometimes think I should spend more of my money but why spend just for the sake of it. Fortunate that I have no money worries but never bought anything unless I could pay for it.

GH - perhaps your husband feels as that this year has been so hard on both of you, that he deserves some treats. And why not? You should do the same. If you have the money, why not spend it on things that bring you pleasure and lift the spirits.

Bramble

[CLKD]

speaking with a financial advisor not connected with a bank will give you an idea on how to get the 'best' out of your savings ………

[Joyce]

We have done our holidays abroad, but doubt we will do any more. We have money invested which is our pot for retirement.  My hubby doesn't want much, clothes shopping is a bug bare for him. I really wish he would get some new things. I buy most of my stuff in sales. I have odd massage which helps with my back pain.

GH I think you deserve some treats too, be it a facial or manicure. My hubby is always saying "can't take it with you." Financial Advisor told us to spend some of it while we can still enjoy it. Hard to do when you've saved all your life though.

[getting_old]

GH I wonder if the reason your OH is saying those things and buying stuff is because he was scared of losing you but knowing what men are like they tend to hide those feelings and not talk about them. It sounds like his buying things is the same as people who comfort eat when faced with stressful situations.

I quite like watching Escape to the Country and Home or Away and find it interesting the number of people who start looking after a traumatic event in their lives. I think there is an element of things happening and people suddenly thinking "life's too short".

[CLKD]

Yep.  That's what spurred us on.  It is also interesting how many people don't actually take up any of the properties shown but end up staying put 

We have no children so will be spending, spending, spending ……. and the house is ear-marked for nursing care at a later date.  If funds are invested it's surprising how well they can 'do', it does spread out the regular income.  I have been surprised at how we haven't really noticed a difference between working and being retired, we haven't paid out other than for the camper and we travel everywhere together which saves on fuel costs. 

We buy what we plan to cook, we rarely throw food away.  Any green waste goes onto our compost.  The freezer is stocked sufficiently. 

[honeybun]

Funnily enough my sister and I were talking about nursing care in our future. She was saying that her hubby would have to be cared for at home because if he goes into nursing care his pension (private) goes with him. That makes up the bulk of their income. She just has her state pension. When I thought about it I'm in the exact same position.
If ....heaven forbid ...something happens to hubby I still have his pensions but if he needed care then I would struggle.
I think a lot of us that do not have large private pensions of our own would be the same.

Most of us usually have hubbies that are older than us ...so....

It's all very well saying the house is for nursing care but unless a couple need it at the same time, ok the house is there but the previous monthly income is not and care had to be paid for some how.
My sis reckons she will become a carer at some point....and so do I.


Honeybun
X

[bramble]

I think HB that only their state pension goes into the care pot (and maybe half their private pension). I will have a look see.

Bramble

[honeybun]

Not that I'm planning to get rid of him anytime soon 

 


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

That's where a Financial Advisor comes in 

The State Pension goes with the user.  Don't think a Private Pension can be touched.  If so, spend, spend, spend 

[groundhog]

Yes that's another reason that has got me thinking about money.  My mother who has worked all her life etc will lose everything now to pay for a place she hates.  They take her state pension and private pension plus any dla etc and thus is out towards the care home cost. But if you have savings over £24000 you get no help at all. 
We don't argue about money as such - I have always dealt with the money - but now he seems to be a bit reckless but as you say we have had such a bad year that if it makes him haooy so be it.  As for me I will carry on having my hair done and my nails painted.  Not sure about the house by the sea - I can dream about that one.  Night ladies xxx

[CLKD]

Your Mum isn't losing anything  - what else would she spend her monies on?  Pension is for spending, whether it be for a hair appt. or towards nursing care  ……… hating it is another issue totally!!!!