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[Briony]

This is great to hear - long may it continue! I think the biggest step forward for me was when I had been on the pill long enough to realise a bad day was a blip, and nothing worse. Prior to that, a bad day could so easily turn into a bad week or fortnight ...
Guess we do have to remember as well that even 'normal' people have times when they feel down. All this hormonal crap makes it so easy to lose a sense of perspective! X

[GypsyRoseLee]

All too true Briony. One of the scariest aspects of hormonal anxiety and depression is that you totally loose all perspective.

Day 41:

Same again. Good day and nice, normal mood. One thing I haven't mentioned much is that my skin hasn't been very good since being on the Pill. I've been getting a lot of spots and blotches most days and my hair feels drier. Assuming this is the progesterone? Though I never had this years ago when I took the Pill ten years ago.

[Briony]

Which pill did you take previously? Levonorgestrel is one of the most androgenic progesterone so, so may well cause spots. Some people even get them with it via the small dose in the  Mirena. Hopefully it will ease with time. How's the spotting? I had random spotting today - day 17 - first time in months. Hormones!! 

[GypsyRoseLee]

I tried several different brands, and I know Microgynon was one of them. Don't remember any issues with spots though? It's really annoying. I've ramped up my skin care routine to try and help but tonight I have another painful one starting on my forehead. I feel like a teenager! I really hope my body adjusts quickly.

Still getting the brown spotting every day, and plenty of clear discharge stuff (sorry if TMI). One good thing is that I haven't had swollen, tender breasts at all which is a relief.

How odd that you have spotting again now? These damned hormones just won't due will they? Have you made any decision yet about the vaginal ring?

Day 41:

Still good news. Mood very good. Had quite a stressful day at work but not even a twinge of nerves or anxiety. I don't have the words to express how wonderful it feels to just feel 'normal' like this. I don't feel ecstatically happy or anything. I just feel normal, and like 'me' how I used to be. Unless you have suffered with hormonal anxiety and depression you can't really appreciate how frightening it is when your hormones have such a power over you.

[Briony]

That's strange it didn't affects your skin previously. Possibly because your own hormones were less erratic then? I recommend Clinique's range for problem skin. It has helped me a lot in the past when my skin has erupted. Think it's called Anti Blemish?
Really not sure what my body's playing at. Have had quite heavy spotting for 36 hours, dull head ache and dizziness, just like I get when I have a normal period, yet it's only half way through pack. I think spotting is a result of too little estrogen - usually told to take a stronger pill - but doubt I would be allowed to. I did investigate the ring. It's an effective contraceptive method, but apparently very prog dominant so not great as a form of HRT. I'd still like to try a stronger patch, one strong enough to suppress ovulation, but would like to hear from someone who's had success with it first!

[GypsyRoseLee]

I'm wondering whether to ask for a more oestrogen rich Pill when I next see my GP? Not only am I more spotty but my hair is drier and coarser too, which I think is high progesterone?

When I was on HRT my hair was really glossy and lovely.

I don't know of anyone on a 200mg patch unfortunately. But I can only think it would be a good thing? Maybe start on 100mg and slowly increase 25mg at a time?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 42:

Mood still very good. Did a quick tally and out of the last 19 days I have only had 2.5 days of depression and anxiety. This is pretty good I think.

But the constant little spots, and the weight gain ate getting to me. Obviously there are no calories in the Pill per se, but my appetite has definitely increased. I am now nearly 14lbs heavier than I was 4 months ago and my clothes are too tight.

[Briony]

I really, really empathise. I have been a size ten all my adult life. Last week, I went to get some new work clothes as mine were too tight. I picked up a 12 and, if anything, I needed a 14. I was devastated as I have always been quite body confident as an adult and now feel enormous. (I am not saying 14 is enormous by any means, but to go up two dress sizes - any size - does knock your confidence). I have also gone from a 34a to a 36/8 B/C (depending on day of month).

In the two years that I had severe hormonal symptoms but no medication, if anything, I lost weight. This weight has gone on since I started taking additional hormones. I exercise and still eat the same boring healthy vegetarian diet I have always eaten, so I can only blame the pill. It seems to have particularly gone on my 'knicker area' if that makes sense (bum, tum and hips).   

That said, when I was taking no hormones I felt crap and had no quality of life. Would I really want to go back to that place again?

[GypsyRoseLee]

We're both very similar (again). I'm usually a size 12 and quite tall, so always look fairly slim. But my boobs would inflate each month!

Then, like you, when all this peri nightmare started I actually lost weight. The hormonal fluctuations really affected my appetite. I suddenly lost the taste for anything sweet and sugary. Only really wanted very bland, plain food.

Plus there was the almost daily diarrhoea which no doubt aided the weight loss. I lost a dress size and was a size 10 and my boobs were definitely shrivelling. They stopped swelling each month.

But, like you say I was desperately miserable and anxious most of the time. Some days and weeks were very black.

Then I started HRT and the weight crept back a bit. But I was still getting lots of days and weeks when I was still very low and suffering with anxiety, which quelled my appetite a lot.

But, since being on the Pill I feel like I have ballooned. And lime you it's all on my tummy and hips. Nice. Though strangely my boobs haven't got any bigger than usual?

I am now definitely a size 14 which I know isn't 'big' but for me it feels bloated and wobbly. I only have one pair of jeans which fit now and I'm reluctant to go and buy a few pairs in a 14.

Not sure if I need to just accept and embrace this larger me and just go with it. It is still infinitely better than being skinnier but thinking about stepping under a bus.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 43:

Same again. Enjoyed another good night's sleep and didn't wake until 7am then happily dozed until 8.30am. A simple pleasure, but so wonderful compared to the times I was waking before 5am, like a meerkat and with dread rolling around in my chest.

Felt happy again all day. Very balanced. I can go for periods of time now just not even thinking about my hormones, and forgeting how I'll they have made me.

[Briony]

It's so uplifting to read your posts, GRL.

I am having a slight blip at present - spotting, nausea and the chills mid cycle. The weirdest thing is, all three of my close colleagues came on today. It's like my body wanted to synch, despite the pill!

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thanks Briony. I always sorry that I'm boring people and keeping a diary is a bit narcissistic? Have decided I'll keep going to Day 100 then reassess.

That's really weird about your mid cycle symptoms? Both my daughters now have periods and I was wondering what effect that would have on me?

When we were in holiday last month, my friend started her period and mine suddenly started several days early. I blamed her

Day 44:

Still good news here. Feeling rested and balanced. Have just finished the 2nd pack, but have gone straight into pack 3. Wondering if I might get any hormonal symptoms over next few days as my body 'hopes' to have a withdrawal bleed?

Still get spotting 'downstairs' and on my face. Annoying.

[Briony]

I think it would be great if you kept going, even if you don't have time to post every day. I've noticed a number of people refer to this thread in other posts - in fact, I did earlier today! X

[GypsyRoseLee]

Iam eased if it can help anyone on here. I guess I could do a weekly bulletin pretty soon, instead?

Day 45:

Very good again. And surprisingly skin has suddenly cleared up! Don't laugh, but when I woke this morning my face 'felt' different. Looked in mirror and skin was so much clearer and 'felt' much better to the touch. Less oily and quite cool. Lately it has felt oily and itchy and flushed.

Mood still very good, upbeat and happy. Getting some nausea but unsure if this is hormonal or something else?

Just feeling so much better. It's like a group of brain surgeons have re wired my brain correctly after it malfunctioning horribly for the last 2 years.

[Chi chi]

Oh no don't stop I find it really interesting and it gives hope to some of us