Hello, I was going to start a new thread about returning to work but I think I will add to this thread because this is connected to it anyway! I simply cannot make any decisions without getting in a panic afterwards. It is driving me (and my poor husband) mad
In summary:
Experienced breakdown early this year - resigned from job as a TA (after many weeks off sick) as atmosphere had been horrible (I would have been pushed out). Hadn't felt right there for three years. (Hadn't felt right full stop!). The children were lovely, though.
Beginning of May: I got offered supermarket job but panicked & turned it down. (Kicked myself a couple of months later)
Late May: decided to try for TA jobs as I missed the children & got offered job in mid June (for Sept).
In the meantime I had started volunteer work (mid May) & found I really enjoyed working with the public (used to do this many years ago before the school work).
Early July: Started to have doubts about TA job due to the volunteering & I found I didn't miss working with children anymore. I know now that you shouldn't make major decisions when you are depressed.
I was going to start the TA job & see if I could reduce the hours later on but the thought of going in has been filling me with horror for weeks as I do not feel mentally equipped (still) to do intensive work with one child. Tried ringing the school to chat to somebody but no one is there in the office due to summer holidays.
I have now been offered another supermarket job with the firm I happily worked for many years ago (in the evenings) before my son was diagnosed with autism (I left there to work in an school to fit in around my son) & the atmosphere seems really nice there. It is further to travel & involves working Sundays . The trouble is, the anxiety has started up again - I think it is because it will impact on our weekends as a couple (although my husband plays golf on Sundays so he is not too worried!). It is for only two shifts per week - so less hrs than the TA job. My adult son can be left at home for a few hours so he will be ok (and our neighbours have said they will be there, if needed).
What is wrong with me? Maybe, I am not ready to return to work but will I ever be? I need to start earning money soon - I don't feel my heart lies in TA work anymore but there is this nagging feeling that I might regret it if I take the other job - feel so hopeless.
Also terrified about letting the school down. I cannot do both jobs together for a short time either as one of the shifts is on a weekday. Anyone else had this problem? This lack of decision making is one of many delightful symptoms. So exasperated with myself!
ps. Sorry this is so long.
