Thank you all so much for your kind words and suggestions.
Ariadne, that is so moving and sad that your colleague's dad visits the grave twice a day. Mum's ashes are at the funeral directors and Dad won't speak about this - we suspect he thinks he's going soon, so they will be merged. So there is no grave to leave flowers at Christmas.
We're not at all religious, it must be a great comfort at such times for those who are - however I have suggested to Dad maybe we could go into the local Church and light a candle for Mum, nearer to Christmas time. He said maybe. The Church run a 6 week group bereavement course, he says it's not for him though.
I would so love to be able to bring him and the dog home with us for a week or so to give him a break, his memories and rituals of doing everything as Mum would around the bungalow, are so intense - unfortunately it can't happen as our cottage is tiny with very steep stairs he can't get up. We plan to move further south in Spring next year (major upheaval though) so we'll then be about an hour drive from Dad - OH's work means we can't move any nearer to him, on the south coast.
Managed to persuade Dad to ring CRUSE, apparently the waiting list is 4 months - he said he'll think about it and get back to them. So maybe counselling may happen, in time. However, he keeps saying - what can anybody say that will make any difference - pointed out that it's to offload, put emotions into words, help with the emotional healing.
The dog definitely misses Mum - her gentle touch and strokes - she's so old, frail and cute.
The main factor is that I don't live near to Dad, just to pop in. The travelling back and forth and phone calls are truly exhausting - and at some stage I will need to try and get my life on track and back into work, right now don't know how that's going to happen.
We're both hoping for a time when we can think and talk about Mum in a different, calmer way - when that will be, I have no idea. A friend of mine who lost her Mum just before Christmas last year says that you do get more used to the pain.
At least I'm here with him now for a few days, I feel relieved, can take him out in the car. Just to reduce his loneliness for a while. We may go down to town this afternoon when they're turning on the Christmas lights.
Thanks for listening.
x x x