Dear Peterspots
Thinking about you so much. Please don't give up on yourself.
I eventually had suicidal thoughts with the intense bladder and nerve pain I had for several months last year. In fact, my doc sent me for short stay in hospital for tests when I said life wasn't worth living any more. I hadn't experienced a depression like this previously - being down, yes - but this was like seeing life from the bottom of a deep pit. Previous to this, I held down a responsible job, too.
I have two teenage kids and a good supportive husband, who did their best - but I felt bad and guilty about everything, as I felt as if I was a burden to everyone . Not sleeping, couldn't even chat with friends because of the discomfort, couldn't travel - the list was endless.
My probs started with severe nerve pain from shingles ( neck and back ) - but with hardly any rash. Then bladder infection, long courses of antibiotics, bladder inflammation, with low down pain so severe even tramadol didn't touch it ( I was given oromorph in hospital which did tackle the pain, but knocked me out too! )
But I am now well on road to recovery following vaginal oestrogen treatment vagifem and ovestin - helped along with antidepressant ( amyltriptyline )
There have been relapses during the last ten months towards recovery and during these times I have needed to be very patient. But i am now so much better - I go out, most days no pain ( much less intense ) and am mostly back to a normal life where I can relate normally to my family again. I am learning to cope with stress better - resting, changing my diet, meditating all helped. I view life differently and can now see how intense pain affected and distorted the way I viewed everything and everyone around me.
Look after yourself, keep seeking the help and support of your family and professionals and don't give up on finding a solution to things. Never, ever give up.
Hope this helps a bit.
Many hugs
Paula x
