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[Gill Mojo]

You know, it's not just 'others' who can be inconsiderate; family can be just as bad.

Because I am up early, a good three to four hours before everyone else in the house, I am always careful to keep my noise to a minimum whilst others are sleeping. I am also always the first one in bed at night. Do I get the same consideration? Not a chance! Doors bang, people hare up and down stairs, have loud conversations, have their shows turned up, cause ww3 in the kitchen; the list goes on. It doesn't seem to cross their minds to show me the same respect I show them. They'd be (and have been) super fast to complain if I did it to them!

This extends to all areas. I'm apparently the only one who knows how to change a loo roll, empty a bin, take in other peoples washing if it starts to rain, clear my own mess behind me, including food and drink I make which may leave debris of some sort. I'm the only one who can answer the phone, or the front door, only one who can fix any problem from physical to emotional. Do I get the same in return? Do I f**k 

I have tried not doing the things, behaving like they do, but I can't bear the mess, or deal with the feelings of awkwardness and inconsideration that come with doing as they do.

So yes, people in the street who walk at you whilst on their phone, never thinking to getting out of your way, assuming you will move, are out there in droves, but there's a fair amount of the same behaviour within my home, maybe yours too. What bothers me is that I did not bring my kids up that way, and for the most part they are intelligent, socially able human beings. Is this just a general shift in what is considered to be acceptable behaviour in the modern age, and something those of us who still believe in considering others will have to learn to accept? If so... I'm not sure I want to be a part of this world! So cave in the deep dark woods it is

[babyjane]

Hi Gill, I have been through a lot of the feelings you mention (mine are now all grown up with families of their own)

Looking back I realise that the mistake I made was to assume they would realise how I felt.  they don't as they are programmed with blinkers and can only see what affects them and their own surroundings.  They are not mindreaders and do not think outside the box, having a different set of priorities.  You need to tell them as they will probably be surprised that you feel like this.

Priorities are different at different stages of life.  I also had two choices to cut through the stress - to either lower my own standards or do it myself.  I developed a motto for myself, 'does it really matter?'  If my answer was yes then I decided how to deal with it and if my answer was no I let it go.  Otherwise you don't survive and I nearly didn't sometimes.

Life is much easier and more pleasant now there is  just the 2 of us at home 

[Gill Mojo]

I only have two of the four left at home, but my difficulty is in my depression/anxiety/ocd etc, as well as the fact none of my family like to talk about anything emotional; I'm the only one willing to confront anything, and when I do it just leaves a nasty atmosphere and makes no flamin' difference Everything matters to me, because if I don't deal with things I end up in a spiral of becoming more and more anxious and worrying because I'm getting more anxious and getting anxious about worrying and... well ya get the picture

As to being just the two of us left at home, that is something I am dreading. My partner and I have been pretty much distant friends for the last ten years. He doesn't seem to care, happy to drift along, going nowhere, and I am frantically lost, not knowing what to do with myself. There's no love left, just vague reliance. I guess, when the last kid goes, we'll separate as I cannot bear the thought of living in this echoing great house with just him, never really speaking to each other, having nothing in common etc. I have no skills, zero money and the thought of starting from scratch at my age is terrifying. I know people do it, but my issues make it difficult and I don't know how I would cope with my depression etc if I was living alone. But these are issues for another day Didn't mean to whine As you were

[MrsMopp]

Noise, arrgghh my biggest bugbear.  From noisy neighbours to music in shops.  Why can't we just enjoy peace and quiet, the sound of silence.  It's exhausting having this constant flow of noise in our ears.  Well, for me anyway.

Where I live is quite good as far as noise goes.  I do get annoyed with people who leave their car engines running for absolutely ages.  Do they like wasting fuel?

Barking dogs? Yes, I also won't let my dog bark on and on. But others in this road do.

I don't think the blanket ban on mowing the lawn would work though 

[Ju Ju]

I live in a quiet place, but....there's a public footpath at the edge of our property, which is frequented by dogs taking their owners for a walk. This would not be a problem, but the dogs that live either side of us will bark and bark, setting off the rest of the dogs near by. The dog on one side is a golden retriever, rarely if ever, taken out for a walk, left all day on its own and sometimes at night. The dog will bark continuously sometimes. It's weird. I have never seen any interaction between the children and the dog who they have grown up with. We have never had problems with this family and the children are polite and well behaved. Their mum apologised for any noise the children make in the garden. Not an issue for me. Children playing happily is a lovely noise. But the dog barking can get wearing and worries me.

[MrsMopp]

Poor dog, I feel so sorry for it.  Left alone night and day?  Why do they have a dog if they can't be bothered with it? 

[honeybun]

Oh poor dog, the most I will leave mine is about four hours.

I have asked my neighbours if she barks when I'm out and they have said no.

A constantly barking dog would really upset me. It's a difficult to broach with neighbours though as they could take offence. I would love to tell my neighbour that her cat uses my garden every night as a toilet but for the sake of good relations I say nothing.


Honeyb
X

[babyjane]

I am odd  .  The people next door but one have multiple dogs and they are all well attended, well behaved and under control but they do bark when they are excited, big gruff wuffs and little pip squeak yaps and much in between.  I have no problem with this being a dog lover, but if next door's two small children start yelling and squealing it makes me really grumpy because i am not a lover of small children (even though I had three of them myself) 

[Dulciana]

Being in a flat, albeit a two-storey one, we have to be considerate to the people below us and on either side of us.  We have excellent sound-proofing, but none of the occupants are noisy, which definitely helps relations.    Can we be over-considerate to other people?  I don't think so - "do as you would be done by" is our motto.  There's always the chance of setting a good example.

[CLKD]

   if anyone walks towards me in the street using their mobile phone and doesn't notice m, I have been known to remove it from their hands  ………. showing them how easy it is for a mobile to be nicked.  I no longer move to 1 side, I stand still until they reach me ……

[SueRoe]

Gill Mojo - there will never be a perfect time to start again on your own. I understand your wish to wait until your children are independent but you never know what else will have changed by then to stop you starting afresh. My Mum left my (alcoholic) Dad when my sister (her youngest child) was 14 and moved into a rented flat with just her clothes, books, and a few small possessions. Ours was a council house so there was no money to come to her from selling that, and she had no money or furniture of her own other than her pay. She bought an old banger of a car and started from scratch. She now has her own home and a decent car and is busy and happy. My sister has no issues with Mum's decision and coped well with her new life. If you want to leave start planning for it now - health and happiness are everything.

[CLKD]

…….. and don't get me started on speeding drivers at the back of us: apparently it's a 30mph road but apparently drivers don't understand the signs - maybe they are busy on their mobiles  ……. I have written to the Parish Council asking not to put speed humps along there because they create their own noise problems!

Right now, apart from a blackbird singing and noise from le Tour, it is quiet 

[CLKD]

   one which I expect: initial surprise, then shock, then a kind of understanding that in fact, I could be away with their precious mobile  ……….

[honeybun]

I would never do that in case I got a violent reaction.

Honestly doesn't seem a particularly safe thing to do CLKD.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

If someone is wandering along engrossed they are usually more surprised than upset and it's better that they realise how easily a mobile/purse can be snatched and certainly better than walking into *me*  …….

We have a young lad locally on a cycle who regularly snatches mobiles from behind: grab, pedal and away …….. he knows what time of day to target those coming out of the Mall or local schools and even though it's on CCTV, he has not yet been caught.