The jittery feelings may well be lack of sustenance, when we are out and about on hi-alert it uses up a lot of energy. Even when I think I've eaten enough I can 'suffer' 1/2 days after
........ where you able to enjoy any of your day out?
Oh I did eat enough - I made sure to make sure my blood sugar didn't drop.
I did enjoy bits of the day. I think it's just that I find myself a bit on "edge" when I'm jittery and I start wondering whether I'm pushing it too far and my nervous system is going to topple ... that's the fear. When I am jittery, I try to bring mindfulness to my body and notice the areas that are stable - usually my sitting bones and my backside. And I bring my attention back to that area while at the same time trying not to push away the sensations I'm feeling in other parts of my body but just allowing them to be there. That's something I've started doing a lot lately and it does help.
It was nice to get a pair of jeans that fitted - size 8! Ridiculous really and I hope I gain weight soon. The young woman who fitted me for bras was funny as well - I told her I had been sick and lost a lot of weight and she asked me whether i was better now. So I said yes and then told her it was nothing infectious - that I'd had a nervous breakdown in March. Blimey she said! I ended up telling her what had happened. She was nice.
So I can have conversations with people and interact with people and walk down very busy London streets and go on the underground (which I really don't like doing in the summer heat - it's very claustrophobic). But I'm still not sure whether I would be pushing it too far if I was to go up to Heathrow (either by coach or stay overnight in a hotel and get a taxi the next day if its an early flight), get an 8 hour flight to Toronto, then a 2 hour bus journey to the city I will go back to, then stay however many days with a friend, then do the whole thing in reverse but add on an extra night in a hotel on my way back as I will arrive in the UK in the evening if I take a day flight from Toronto. It was a lot to do when I was well - so trusting that my nervous system isn't taxed too much the way it is at the moment would be asking a lot. And then, if I did do such a trip, when I got back, I would immediately be busy trying to sort out all the stressful stuff to do with moving - while also trying to recover from all the travel stuff which will have taken a lot out of me.
I've also just been looking at Air Canada flights - and there aren't that many seats left in July and those that are, are very expensive. And once you get into August, I'm looking at a lot of money for flights - won't get much change out of 1500 pounds (and that's just for the flight - haven't included transport to the city I would be going to or any nights in a hotel in the UK or Canada for flight connections).
Given this, I'm thinking more and more that it may just make sense to fly over in September although its a heck of a risk if I get sick again or can't manage the stress of immigration ... but I'll see what my Dr and therapist suggest when I speak to them Monday and Tuesday (although each day that passes, there are less and less seats available - sigh). I can't do the really cheap flights as they include a night flight and that would wreck me completely (couldn't do those before I got ill so I'm pretty sure they are not a good idea to do now).