Greenfields, what do I know - but from what I've read of your situation Canada seems like the better option. I've rented in the past, it was very difficult and I had a vile landlady - and you're right, things can only get worse. I used to work with a Canadian who absolutely could not believe how bad the housing situation is here and the expense of every day living.
In Canada:
1. You could rent somewhere better, more affordable that would enhance your recovery, create your comfort environment nest without stress - rather than running down your savings here in UK in some sub-standard accommodation and worrying yourself. In Canada, it seems you could relax more about your future home too.
2. You could continue to receive the allowance from your ex - some security. This is a big plus and some security to hold on to - to lose that would be a shame. I see this as a big Canada return incentive.
3. The sort of care work you're planning to do here, assume you could do that out in Canada? Or a couple of low key part time roles, nothing too mentally taxing. Life has got to be easier there.
4. Family here are not supportive - nothing to miss there.
5. In next few years you can re-apply to take up your further studies. This seems to be your big incentive - and being in the UK seems further away from being able to achieve that. At least if you're back in Canada and working towards that, it would be some comfort? Not all is lost type of feeling. In UK, it must make your dream feel like a million miles away.
I know all of this is easy for me say - just from an outside perspective Canada seems to offer more positives and in the long term the potential to offer you more personal security. By going on your short trip there, hopefully that may help clarify things and you realise that returning is the least scary option.
Difficult times do pass eventually and life will get better for you.
I hope you can find some peace of mind Greenfields, this is so tough for you.
Night_Owl
x
Yes you've just about summed it all up! The only difficulty is that if I get ill, the support safety network isn't there in the same way as in the UK (although in the UK it's slowly being dismantled) - so if I get mentally ill again, I could end up homeless and in a shelter.
Hopefully that won't happen!
Also if things go wrong, and I go through more money, then I may not have enough money to return to the UK and, even if I did, may not have enough to tide me over if I'm not able to work ...
The other thing I found was that it's a strain living in another culture and the Canadian city I lived in (and would be returning to) isn't a particularly friendly place - people don't stop and chat in the same way as in the UK. I could move to another city but wouldn't know a soul and it would probably be a lot more built up (eg Toronto) and I'm not a big city person - I like living in the countryside. And I really missed the UK countryside.
Having said all that, the experiences I've had renting the last year in the UK have been horrendous and I had forgotten how bad renting in the UK was until I came back! So if I am well enough to stand the stress of living abroad again, I will.
There's no guarantee I will continue to receive the spousal support from my ex though - but more of a chance than not if I stayed in the UK.
The other thing is that Canadian employment is hard to come by - so I will probably be working p/t hours trying to string together multiple jobs on 0 hours contracts all wanting me to be available at all times.
They also don't make any allowance for ergonomics (much) - so my repetitive strain injury (in my arms) is a real hassle - and that's a worry for future employment.
But if I became a care worker in Canada (after doing the course for it - yes you do have to do a 1 year course!) then the pay would hopefully pay enough to rent somewhere reasonable whereas in the UK, I can't make ends meet on it.
Today I felt a bit more competent ... going to London yesterday was a good thing. I just pray that when I do visit Canada (hopefully soon) it doesn't upset my nervous system and tip it over again - as the alternative (staying in the UK) is just too horrendous to think about at the moment with the housing issues I've got.