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[CLKD]

Where ever you end up, don't forget us on here 

[Night_Owl]

Greenfields, what do I know - but from what I've read of your situation Canada seems like the better option.  I've rented in the past, it was very difficult and I had a vile landlady - and you're right, things can only get worse.  I used to work with a Canadian who absolutely could not believe how bad the housing situation is here and the expense of every day living.

In Canada:
1.  You could rent somewhere better, more affordable that would enhance your recovery, create your comfort environment nest without stress  - rather than running down your savings here in UK in some sub-standard accommodation and worrying yourself.  In Canada, it seems you could relax more about your future home too.
2.  You could continue to receive the allowance from your ex - some security.  This is a big plus and some security to hold on to - to lose that would be a shame.  I see this as a big Canada return incentive.
3.  The sort of care work you're planning to do here, assume you could do that out in Canada?  Or a couple of low key part time roles, nothing too mentally taxing.  Life has got to be easier there.
4.  Family here are not supportive - nothing to miss there.
5.  In next few years you can re-apply to take up your further studies.  This seems to be your big incentive - and being in the UK seems further away from being able to achieve that.  At least if you're back in Canada and working towards that, it would be some comfort?  Not all is lost type of feeling.  In UK, it must make your dream feel like a million miles away.

I know all of this is easy for me say - just from an outside perspective Canada seems to offer more positives and in the long term the potential to offer you more personal security.  By going on your short trip there, hopefully that may help clarify things and you realise that returning is the least scary option. 

Difficult times do pass eventually and life will get better for you.

I hope you can find some peace of mind Greenfields, this is so tough for you.


Night_Owl
x

[Greenfields]

Getting a housing association house or a council one for that matter takes years. When people get them they are inclined to hang onto them....hard. My niece works for council housing and she says the only way to get up the queue is to get your doctor to support your application. Have you registered for any housing ? And have you spoken to your GP about it. She could possibly help.

Honeybun
X

Am in the process of registering for housing BUT as I have savings, the support worker who sees me has told me there's a good chance the council will refer me to private rental accommodation.

Basically I have to rundown my savings until I'm destitute before I get much help (it seems).  The wait lists here are horrendous and they are going to get worse if the housing associations have to sell their properties to tenants under the current governments right to buy scheme.

I might mention to my Dr but I doubt she'll be able to do much even though she's really nice - it's just a dire situation.

Just checked my tenancy agreement today and if I renew it in September, the rent goes up according to the rise in the consumer price index ... I am so not renewing it ... I have got to get out of the situation I'm in.

[Greenfields]

Greenfields, what do I know - but from what I've read of your situation Canada seems like the better option.  I've rented in the past, it was very difficult and I had a vile landlady - and you're right, things can only get worse.  I used to work with a Canadian who absolutely could not believe how bad the housing situation is here and the expense of every day living.

In Canada:
1.  You could rent somewhere better, more affordable that would enhance your recovery, create your comfort environment nest without stress  - rather than running down your savings here in UK in some sub-standard accommodation and worrying yourself.  In Canada, it seems you could relax more about your future home too.
2.  You could continue to receive the allowance from your ex - some security.  This is a big plus and some security to hold on to - to lose that would be a shame.  I see this as a big Canada return incentive.
3.  The sort of care work you're planning to do here, assume you could do that out in Canada?  Or a couple of low key part time roles, nothing too mentally taxing.  Life has got to be easier there.
4.  Family here are not supportive - nothing to miss there.
5.  In next few years you can re-apply to take up your further studies.  This seems to be your big incentive - and being in the UK seems further away from being able to achieve that.  At least if you're back in Canada and working towards that, it would be some comfort?  Not all is lost type of feeling.  In UK, it must make your dream feel like a million miles away.

I know all of this is easy for me say - just from an outside perspective Canada seems to offer more positives and in the long term the potential to offer you more personal security.  By going on your short trip there, hopefully that may help clarify things and you realise that returning is the least scary option. 

Difficult times do pass eventually and life will get better for you.

I hope you can find some peace of mind Greenfields, this is so tough for you.


Night_Owl
x

Yes you've just about summed it all up!  The only difficulty is that if I get ill, the support safety network isn't there in the same way as in the UK (although in the UK it's slowly being dismantled) - so if I get mentally ill again, I could end up homeless and in a shelter.

Hopefully that won't happen!

Also if things go wrong, and I go through more money, then I may not have enough money to return to the UK and, even if I did, may not have enough to tide me over if I'm not able to work ...

The other thing I found was that it's a strain living in another culture and the Canadian city I lived in (and would be returning to) isn't a particularly friendly place - people don't stop and chat in the same way as in the UK.  I could move to another city but wouldn't know a soul and it would probably be a lot more built up (eg Toronto) and I'm not a big city person - I like living in the countryside.  And I really missed the UK countryside.

Having said all that, the experiences I've had renting the last year in the UK have been horrendous and I had forgotten how bad renting in the UK was until I came back!  So if I am well enough to stand the stress of living abroad again, I will.

There's no guarantee I will continue to receive the spousal support from my ex though - but more of a chance than not if I stayed in the UK.

The other thing is that Canadian employment is hard to come by - so I will probably be working p/t hours trying to string together multiple jobs on 0 hours contracts all wanting me to be available at all times.

They also don't make any allowance for ergonomics (much) - so my repetitive strain injury (in my arms) is a real hassle - and that's a worry for future employment.

But if I became a care worker in Canada (after doing the course for it - yes you do have to do a 1 year course!) then the pay would hopefully pay enough to rent somewhere reasonable whereas in the UK, I can't make ends meet on it. 

Today I felt a bit more competent ... going to London yesterday was a good thing.  I just pray that when I do visit Canada (hopefully soon) it doesn't upset my nervous system and tip it over again - as the alternative (staying in the UK) is just too horrendous to think about at the moment with the housing issues I've got.

[CLKD]

So when you fly will you go packed up and not intending to return?  Otherwise you'll have the dilemma over there 

[Greenfields]

So when you fly will you go packed up and not intending to return?  Otherwise you'll have the dilemma over there 

No I'm going to book a short trip (no more than a week) - to find out how I cope with being over there.  I want to figure out whether what I experienced in March was purely down to the menopausal imbalance I was experiencing or whether it was something deeper.   

If I can cope, then I will come back and organise moving permanently - probably by end of August if I can so I can do a stats course in September at the local uni in order to apply for a whole load of MSW courses this Fall.  And I'll try and pick up at least 1 if not 2 p/t jobs - which will be low paid probably

Alternatively I will move back in the Fall, and try and do a stats course online while also working however many p/t jobs I can do.

I was thinking after I wrote my last post that when I lived in Canada there were lots of things I struggled with and it felt like I had a stone in my heart in terms of missing the landscape of England.  But I didn't visit the UK much for quite a number of years for a variety of reasons.

However when I came back to the UK I missed a lot of Canadian things - thats the problem with being an immigrant - one loses a sense of where one belongs.

Having said that, the English countryside will always have a very special place in my heart as will the people ... but I can't cope with renting in the UK so unless that changes, if I can cope with moving back to Canada I will.  However that may not work out either - there are no certainties in life.  But I think things in the UK have got really bad with the housing and I wonder what's going to happen in the future ... maybe there will be housing riots?  I can't help thinking that not everyone's kids are going to inherit their parents houses - and those houses might well end up paying care home fees anyway.  At some point maybe people who voted for the current government will realise that their kids are going to suffer with respect to housing?  I don't know.   

The alternative for me is to stay in the UK and rent a bedroom forever .... which I can't face at the moment.

[CLKD]

Tent? 
Small camper van?  Move around the various sites in an area ……

Get Canada out of your system and then decide? ………. Dilemas are not good for mental health ……….. between a rock and a hard place 

[Dorothy]

Any chance of finding work in a smaller Canadian town/rural area?  If it's anything like Britain, these places are usually friendlier than the big cities. 

[Greenfields]

Any chance of finding work in a smaller Canadian town/rural area?  If it's anything like Britain, these places are usually friendlier than the big cities.

Don't know.  I do have some friends in the place I would be moving back too ... it's just that people tend to be very busy so it's hard to see them.  That said, I've had some lovely emails from people and I hope, that if and when I do move back, I will have a bit of a support network initially at least.

[CLKD]

Of course people are busy - but they will make 'room' for you if you are able to let them know what you require, now and if you return later this year.  Perhaps make a list for yourself and go through it with friends to find out how much they can 'give'?  That will be one less background anxiety for you 

[Greenfields]

Of course people are busy - but they will make 'room' for you if you are able to let them know what you require, now and if you return later this year.  Perhaps make a list for yourself and go through it with friends to find out how much they can 'give'?  That will be one less background anxiety for you 

Yep.

As for the other comment re: tent etc ... the thing is I've lost so much money since moving back to the UK - around about 10K and will probably be close to 15K by the time I return to Canada (if I can).  And it's not money I could afford to lose - it's really impacted me.  So am very much between a rock and a hard place but I can't face renting more in the UK - it's just too hard on my mental health. So I pray I have the strength to return to Canada.

[CLKD]

I think that you should travel next week/s as if you aren't returning ……….. have you much to pack up anyway?  If you find that you can stay then you'll be there, no more expense of return flights etc. 

[getting_old]

However when I came back to the UK I missed a lot of Canadian things - thats the problem with being an immigrant - one loses a sense of where one belongs.

Having said that, the English countryside will always have a very special place in my heart as will the people ... but I can't cope with renting in the UK so unless that changes, if I can cope with moving back to Canada I will.  However that may not work out either - there are no certainties in life.  But I think things in the UK have got really bad with the housing and I wonder what's going to happen in the future ... maybe there will be housing riots?  I can't help thinking that not everyone's kids are going to inherit their parents houses - and those houses might well end up paying care home fees anyway.  At some point maybe people who voted for the current government will realise that their kids are going to suffer with respect to housing?  I don't know.   

The alternative for me is to stay in the UK and rent a bedroom forever .... which I can't face at the moment.

I've moved around a bit and can definitely relate to this. I've also been very guilty of looking at some places through rose tinted spectacles and forgetting the bad bits, so thinking one place is perfect and another is the pits. It sounds like you realise that Canada isn't perfect, however if it offers you a lower cost of living and a more stable environment then I'd say it's worth a try.

That said I'm more cynical than others here - I'd say you need to assume that whilst people may offer help when the time comes they may not be in a position to do so. If they do then it's a lovely surprise, but I've found that you can't expect to move back somewhere and find everything has remained the same. The best advice I ever got was to always look at each move as if it was to somewhere totally new (even when it wasn't).

I'm sorry to come across as negative - I think you've made amazing progress, especially with the trip to London and the plans for another, and also with even thinking about going to Canada. I really hope you can make it work.

[CLKD]

All those months of snow over there too to contend with 

A few years ago a friend sent me an e-mail to say that there had been 10 feet of snow overnight  ………

[Greenfields]

I think that you should travel next week/s as if you aren't returning ……….. have you much to pack up anyway?  If you find that you can stay then you'll be there, no more expense of return flights etc. 

No can't do. I have furniture and belongings and documents I need to keep - and would only have to replace them if I moved (and i've lost so much money as it is).  Moving internationally is a lot of work (trust me on this one!). Plus everything has to be inventoried as well ... so just picking up and going isn't an option.