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[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on with the Quaker meeting - there were several Meeting Houses around the Whitby area.

[Greenfields]

Will do.  The Quakers have been incredibly kind to me since I got ill and I really appreciate their philosophy - I hate to think what might have happened to me if I hadn't had some emotional support from them and from other church groups - it's been such a hard few months and I keep praying that, at some point, things will get easier.

[CLKD]

They will get easier, once you've been to Canada and cleared your mind over that hurdle.  Choices can over-whelm us!

[Dorothy]

Sounds like you are doing really well.  It's such a good idea to have a plan in place for UK so that it's not Canada or nothing.  Once you have been back, you will know whether moving to Canada is feasible or not...each step you take, things will clarify a little more and it will be easier to plan the next step.  Hope Saturday goes well.

[Greenfields]

Thanks for these kind replies.  I think what I worry about is staying in the UK - the housing situation is such that I will be poor and living in rental accommodation (renting a room) for the rest of my life if I stay in the UK.  And UK landlords ... well I've met very few nice people when I've rented (in big contrast to Canada).

If I go back to Canada, that may also happen but apartment rental there is much more secure and there's more of a chance of me being able to afford to rent an apartment once my health improves a lot.  Plus I may continue to get spousal support from my ex if I move back which is a big stress reliever (altho' not guaranteed).

Just have to keep reminding myself it's baby steps .... but it is so overwhelming.

If I can rent a room from mid-Sept and get out of my current flat though, it gives me more options in terms of moving back to Canada later this year rather than if I have to renew my tenancy agreement in my current place - then I'm stuck with paying rent and bills for 6 months (even if I move during this time - and I'm not sure how that would work as when you sign an assured shorthold tenancy, you are legally not allowed to break it - ie give notice - for the first 6 months).

Just have to keep reminding myself that there are kind people out there in the world ....

[Dyan]

Hi Greenfields,
You are doing really well.
I know how difficult it must be for you but just wanted to say "Well done"
Dyan X

[Greenfields]

Thanks Dyan xxx

I went for the care agency interview today and got offered the job.  I had to pay 40 pounds towards the CRB check and training course though - apparently I will get 10 pounds back when I've completed the training course and start working for them.  I also have to upgrade my car insurance to cover more business use cover.

I've put down p/t hours to begin with but if I do f/t then that's around 40 hours a week which would pay around 18K a year.  They pay 32p a mile petrol and try to group visits to seniors in their home together to cut down travel costs (so I was told).  But they don't pay for the time you travel between homes - just the petrol cost for the travel.

18K isn't very much to live on ... particularly as room rentals around here are 500 pounds a month.  But I keep reminding myself that it gives me another option.

They don't pay you for the training time - it's 4 days.  The next course begins July 20th and then 3 weeks later in August they run another one but it's at a different location from where I would normally go - so it would be more of a trek for me to get there.

They are fine with me having a holiday in Canada and I've said I can't confirm whether I will make the July course until around the 13th (which is when I see my Dr - though I didn't mention that to them).

The thing is, I was planning on going to Canada around the 20th if there are any air tickets left and I can afford to pay them ... but if I do, I will miss the 4 day training course and have to wait till August for the next one (and before I can start work).

On the other hand, I could do the training course in July and then go to Canada immediately after it for a week ... but then that doesn't leave me much time to make a decision in August before I have to let my landlord know whether I am going to renew my tenancy (if I haven't found an affordable room to rent locally).  Also, I worry about what my mental state will be if I go to Canada, realise I cannot move back but know that in staying in the UK, I'm going to possibly be very poor for the rest of my life .... I don't want the mental turmoil I will experience to cause another breakdown!

I know I have to just take 1 step at a time but they are such big steps and come so quickly one on top of the other ...

Having said all that, the lady who interviewed me (and it was really informal) seemed really nice and it felt good to be able to have an interview and come out of it with an offer (she said she doesn't normally make an offer at the interview but she was going on holiday tomorrow so she needed to let me know today!).  So that's boosted my confidence.  And it's given me another option as an interim measure workwise if I don't move back to Canada and it's supposed to be easier getting a job from a job ... so it might lead to something else better paid - but it's just the uncertainty and the not knowing.  Plus, aside from my last job, I've never worked in a job where the pay is so low one can barely make ends meet - and it's all because of the crappy housing crisis which isn't going to improve anytime soon 

BTW CLKD I looked in The Lady magazine today in Smiths - they do advertise some live in carer positions but there were actually more ads from carers asking for work than there were ads asking for carers - which surprised me. 

[CLKD]

Well done on getting the job. I think put Canada on hold?  Go on the Course, get into the job, see if it suits your needs and review?  18K isn't much but it's a start to regular employment.  Looks good on the CV 

Find a B&B room for a while so that you can give notice ?

[Greenfields]

I think any B and B would cost a bomb around where I live!  And as I eat a rather restricted diet at the moment, a B and B wouldn't work for that reason either.

Anyway - some good news!  I made it up to London and back for the meditation workshop today! It was a long day - I got up at 6am and was actually awake before then.  But it was so good to go up on the train, get the Jubilee line and go to the workshop location near Swiss Cottage.  I can't say I felt 'normal' because the breakdown still casts a long shadow over my sense of self but I did feel grateful to have my mental health back, grateful to be able to travel there and back and grateful to be present to the workshop throughout the day.  I got back home at 7.30pm and I having an early night tonight!

I am thinking of going back up to London next weekend to do some shopping - I need to get a couple more pairs of trousers and if I went to London I could probably buy my size easier there and it would give me more exposure to being around busy crowded areas and people.

I'm also going to look at flights to Canada after I've spoken to my therapist this week.  I need to book something soon I think and get clear about that.

[CLKD]

 

[Greenfields]

Woke up a bit wobbly this morning though - but I think that's because I looked at the Guardian headlines online last night and nearly keeled over when I read the government budget proposals include giving housing association tenants the right to buy ... homelessness terrifies me and the thought that there will be even less rented property out there scares the hell out of me.

I should have taken a beta blocker really this morning - my heart was jangling so much.  Instead I lay in bed for an hour trying to calm it - and then got up!

Keep telling myself, life will get better ....

[CLKD]

It was the worst thing EVER to allow Council House Tenants to buy    Bly Maggie Thatcher ….. OK for those who already have a background of owning their own properties but we were raised in Council Houses ……. none were built and those Housing Associations which took over from Council-run properties weren't always the best way of sorting any problems!

Right to buy - why?  Initially many of those people had to take out loans in order to buy, I know that M in L had 'everything' paid for her as part of her rent: painting/maintenance, allowance for heating, electricity etc……….

[Greenfields]

I know ... and current government policy is making things so much worse.

Since I last wrote, I checked my tenancy agreement today and the rent is going to go up as per the Consumer Price Index come September - so I have to move.  I stood up at Quakers meeting this morning and asked if anyone could let me know if they have a room to rent ... it felt so Victorian to do this - like declaring one is heading for the poor house.

I've looked at flights to Canada again and, unless my therapist warns me not to, I think I'm going to book tickets asap this week for a short visit and I really really hope I can stand the stress of the trip and I can find it in myself to have the strength to move back and start over.  I've had over 40 addresses (many precarious rentals in the UK) and I cannot do it anymore - and the UK housing situation is only going to get worse and worse - it's bad now and I hate to think what it's going to be like in 5 years time with the current government.

I really miss my nice secure rental apartment in Canada 

I can't afford to rent an apartment with all the money I've lost since moving back to the UK but I'm hoping I can find a nice room rental to tide me over until my financial situation and my work situation stabilises out there - just got to keep believing that I can do it and to keep going ...

[Dorothy]

Keep going a day at a time.  You are doing really well so far. 

[honeybun]

Getting a housing association house or a council one for that matter takes years. When people get them they are inclined to hang onto them....hard. My niece works for council housing and she says the only way to get up the queue is to get your doctor to support your application. Have you registered for any housing ? And have you spoken to your GP about it. She could possibly help.

Honeybun
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