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[Greenfields]

Sorry to be delayed in getting back. I spent the day with a friend yesterday in the countryside to try and get perspective.

I have done a lot of what you have already advised. Gone to HR, Union etc.
My boss is uber stressed and feels trapped I think. I feel totally like a second class citizen in the dynamic and it does not please me to say it. I have a HR lawyer friend who helped me construct a script for my back to work meeting which evidenced how my boss had mismanaged my phased return. Also my husband and my sister who have nursed me through this depression/menopausal episode- insisted that I also tell the meeting how I felt in my team and suggesting that I be moved. Using the opportunity to say it all to all of the right people at the same time. I took a risk basically and now my lawyer friend is saying "they will probably" try to get rid of you now". As you can imagine, I am now frantic that I have completely cocked everything up/said too much etc. But I was just asserting myself.
Boss is livid that I have exposed her and is picking at me more. Now I feel that Ive made it all worse.
 SallyG

Sally:

1. Keep a record of what your boss is doing now - and maybe email it on a daily basis to HR and the Union (so its in writing).

2. Go back to HR and Union and demand some action on their part. Asking to be moved would be a good one. Don't let this situation drag out - if you can get a Dr's note saying how bad it has been for your recovery and return to work, maybe that will shift them into action more quickly.

3. Asserting yourself is good so don't second guess your actions. If you hadn't asserted yourself, the horrible dynamic you were in may have continued to the detriment of your health. Now it's out in the open. Your boss doesn't like it - but that's her problem, not yours (keep reminding yourself of that - you are not responsible for her reactions or her behaviour).

4. In difficult situations, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better - and it sounds like that is where you are at the moment.  Take as much time as you can outside of work to nourish yourself if you're not able to step away from this work situation even temporarily.

Sending lots of hugs. You are not a second class citizen in this - your boss is behaving unprofessionally, not you.

xxxxx

[CLKD]

Oh well said Greenfields.  Sally - if you are aware that your immediate 'boss' is under pressure then maybe it's time for you, HR and her to discuss it.  Not necessarily asking exactly what is 'wrong' as that is private but HR should be telling her that any problems in her private live or within the company hierarchy should not impact on those in her Team  - again assertive to gain respect all round.

Weekend soon!  Glad you were able to get away from 'it' with a friend ………. 

[SallyG]

Greenfields and CKLD, thank you. I know you are absolutely right. Ive had it for a year now and I just snapped I think and couldn't take it any more.Thank you for caring enough to give me such thoughtful responses.

Sally G. Hugs

[CLKD]

Sometimes it takes a good snap to get stuff done! either within the work place or in our heads, when we know it might be time to find another job.

Any plans for the weekend?

[Limpy]

Well said Greenfields & CLKD.

Hang in there Sally you are doing so well.

[CLKD]

 

[SallyG]

Yes I went to London for the weekend with my daughter and we saw some exhibitions etc. I was with a good friend for moral support too. I just have this horrible feeling that by "defending myself effectively"
I "offended" my boss. Do you see. And now she is really on my case.The big boss is due to retire in september on grounds of ill health but seems to be alert to the fact that this is not an ideal situation.
But she is a bully and very volatile too. We have team building on tuesday so I hope that will turn situation around in terms of dynamic.
Thanks again
words fail me to thank you for the hope you have given me Greenfields and CKLD.

Sally G
love and hugs

[Greenfields]

Yes I went to London for the weekend with my daughter and we saw some exhibitions etc. I was with a good friend for moral support too. I just have this horrible feeling that by "defending myself effectively"
I "offended" my boss. Do you see. And now she is really on my case.The big boss is due to retire in september on grounds of ill health but seems to be alert to the fact that this is not an ideal situation.
But she is a bully and very volatile too. We have team building on tuesday so I hope that will turn situation around in terms of dynamic.
Thanks again
words fail me to thank you for the hope you have given me Greenfields and CKLD.

Sally G
love and hugs

Love and hugs right back at you! xxxx I was in London Saturday - too bad we didn't meet up! (although I only managed 4 hours).
Unfortunately, in these things sometimes people have to be offended before they change their behaviour - but it's the last thing one needs when one's dealing with recovering from an illness too - so you have my heartfelt sympathy xxx
I hope Tuesday goes okay ... sometimes these things have to be aired and sorted out but it's not very pleasant to be part of.  It's good that the big boss is alert to the situation.  Bullying behaviour needs to be tackles though - if it wasn't you, she'd be doing it to someone else.  Bullies are people who feel insecure in themselves - that's why they bully.  But, of course, it often doesn't feel like that when you're on the receiving end of such behaviour.

[CLKD]

: although I only managed 4 hours : you managed *4 hours*  - in this house nothing is 'only' or 'just' - Mum would tell me 'you are only a secretary' or 'it's just anxiety' however   

SallyG - did you speak with your GP yet?  Glad you have got away from the situation, London wouldn't be my first choice as it's too crowded and would involve a train trip  …….

What does 'team building' actually mean?  For me absolutely nothing, it was a waste of Company money as an outside company were brought in to run these 'building' sessions which proved nowt 

[CLKD]

How has the week been in general SallyG?

[SallyG]

Thanks for asking CLKD. Actually things have shifted for the better. Team building was really effective. Coach leading session totally got the dynamic and really challenged my boss throughout the day. A lot was said and aired so it was good. But it was the worst week overall I can remember in terms of work.
My hormones are raging today - onwards and upwards hey?

SallyG

[CLKD]

Hopefully your immediate boss will be less niggling - maybe have a quiet word with HR and get them to speak with her about any problems that may be making her niggly 

[Greenfields]

Thanks for asking CLKD. Actually things have shifted for the better. Team building was really effective. Coach leading session totally got the dynamic and really challenged my boss throughout the day. A lot was said and aired so it was good. But it was the worst week overall I can remember in terms of work.
My hormones are raging today - onwards and upwards hey?

SallyG

Oh I'm so glad to hear that Sally.  It sounds like people have sussed out the dynamic that is going on with your boss if she was challenged throughout the day.  These things can be intensely stressful and I suspect she'll be sore for a while ... but if she's got any sense, she'll change her behaviour.  Keep a record of any slips she makes if she starts reverting to type - and don't hesitate to mail it to HR.  I really hope that the next few weeks are easier on your heart, hormone and stress levels - it's the last thing you need at the moment but if you can get through it, you'll come out the other side so much stronger.
Hugs xxxx