I so agree GRL I def have a nasty big stain as a constant reminder
![Angry >:(](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/angry.gif)
My issue is that I'm not actually sure if I am even peri or not? I originally started BHRT due to low mood and slight lingering depression from I suspect from PND 21 years ago! My estrogen level was on the low side of "normal" and my testosterone was very very low.
I know it sounds odd but if it was confirmed that I am in fact "peri" i could deal with all the horrible anxiety etc easier because there would be a reason, I hate the thought of me being/feeling like this for no reason
![Undecided :-\](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/undecided.gif)
I used to love anything to do with psychology like how the mind works, what makes people tick and what makes people commit awful crimes etc but now it all terrifies me! Anything to do with mental health really frightens me now
My husband had a bit of a meltdown a few years ago now due to stress at work etc and if he even says anything remotely like he feels down or low or miserable I panic and think he's heading there again and there's nothing I can do
![Undecided :-\](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/undecided.gif)
he wasn't half as bad as when I had my breakdown 3 years ago but the thought of him being like that, I don't want to even think about it. Same with my youngest who has taken too many paracetamol and ended up in hospital 3 times because of low self esteem, low mood and horrible kids at school, when she tells me she's feeling low it's like my stomach sinks, it's a constant worry and always there in the back of my mind, she's been much better since moving schools and having counselling but I fear that for the rest of her life she will have the "memories" like we do about how bad and low we've felt, almost like a life sentence
![Sad :(](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/sad.gif)