Oh I can so relate to what you've just posted GypsyRoseLee - that really resonates with me.
The thing I hold on to is that I overcame panic attacks in my thirties (a concerted effort on my part - took up exercise, yoga, meditation, did things that I found fearful and gave up coffee) and while, for a long time after I stopped getting panic attacks, I still feared having one ... eventually that fear went to.
So I hope in a similar way that, at some point in my life, I will be able to trust the resilience of my mental health again - however, at the moment, I'm in the furnace so to speak and I have a lot of healing to do before I'm 100% again.