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[Judith57]

Been to see my mum in her care home today, it is so upsetting. I phoned ahead to make sure the carers knew that I was coming so that she would be up and dressed. She was dressed in really lovely bright colours and, although she struggles to speak she said 'I knew you would be here'. I wheeled her out into the sunshine and remarked on what a lovely day it was and she said 'Yes, a lovely day for a cremation'  I said 'Who is getting cremated?' and she said 'I am'  it became evident that she thought today was her funeral, she said 'I knew you wouldn't miss my funeral'. She also thought my brother had committed suicide - last time I went she thought he was in prison. She is in so much pain, there is nothing of her, I can put my hand right round her upper arm, she is like a tiny bird. It is so cruel, she is only 80 but ravaged by Parkinson's Disease.

She was trying to take her rings off to give to me and was asking where my Dad's ashes were 

I can't bear to see her in such pain and torment 

[Judith57]

I know it is so sad and cruel, she was such a strong vibrant woman, she was a head teacher at a school for many years and loved life. I can't bear to see her ending her life like this 

[CLKD]

It is hard work because you don't get to see her often.  The Staff will notice the gradual changes but it is often a shock, even a few days can make a difference.

Is pain kept under control?  Was she distressed by the thought of her cremation service or living in her 'world'?  If so, it is best to stay within that 'world'. 

Bet you are tired after the travelling and all     

[Limpy]

It's such a shame Judith.
It can't be easy at all.

Her carers sound to be considerate, you said your mum was beautifully dressed this morning, which can't be easy for any lady of her years. Are you happy with them, more to the point,is your mum?

[Judith57]

The carers have to do everything for her and they are very kind. The decline in her has been very rapid, she has always loved clothes and jewellery and taken a real pride in her appearance. In fact, when she first went into a nursing home and became wheelchair-bound, it became a bit of a worry as she was constantly ordering clothes on-line. There was no room for them for a start.....

I think because they had got her all nicely dressed she thought it was a special day and assumed it was her funeral. She was crying in pain when the carers put her in the hoist to move her from her wheelchair to her armchair 

[honeybun]

I can't really think what to say.

Just wanted to send you a 


Honeybun
X

[Judith57]

Thank you everyone for your kind words xxx

[Joyce]

Aww it's very hard when they are so confused. I feel for you. 

[groundhog]

So sorry Judith,  I can't imagine how upsetting that must be for you.  Life can be so cruel at times x
Got nothing helpful to say sorry just wanted to sympathise.  Surely they can do something about her pain bless her. 

[Judith57]

I don't want to be controversial here or start any debate but we really are kinder to animals when they reach the end of their life 

[thorntrees]

Don't really want to comment on your last point Judith it's such a big issue and so personal but just wanted to send you a hug  for all you are going through at the moment.
Take care.

Thorntrees

[Dulciana]

  Judith

[GeordieGirl]

Old age is so very cruel, hopefully though your mum isn't quite as aware of the transition as you are? It's often the family and friends of dementia sufferers who understand what's happening, more so than the sufferer themselves.

It's heartbreaking to see the decline in people we love, hopefully her carers can help make her comfortable, the fact she's been well and brightly dressed shows a certain empathy and understanding of her likes and dislikes.

Big tight hugs for you,

GG x

[Taz2]

Such a tough time Judith. All you can do is provide as much love and support to your dear mum as you can. I'm not sure how far she is from you or how often you can visit but if it's not very often then cards and letters brighten up otherwise dull days and also can make you feel that you are still helping in some way. When a loved one is suffering like this you can feel so helpless.

As she is in so much pain would it be worth consulting with her GP to make sure that she is on the right medications for her Parkinsons. Do you know what she is prescribed at the moment?

Taz x 

[Ju Ju]

 

Love Ju Ju xx