Thanks for all of your lovely messages. Juju. I love my job but resent how Im managed and it adds to my stress on top of horrid menopause symptoms, which present as fear and anxiety. Im giving a talk tomorrow at a mothers union meeting and Im freaking out about that after I lectured in front of hundreds. Its pathetic. I am so worried I will lose this opportunity. I love what I do and am good at it. The students are great and they seem to really like me. I just feel like my boss is a bully and I can't take it at the moment. I feel like Ive got no confidence left. Thats how I feel really. Probably sounds hysterical and ridiculous. But its hard when you have worked hard at something and its like someone is trying to take it away from you.
Lets just reframe that.
You are not pathetic about freaking out giving a talk.
You are dealing with major health issues on top of a regular workload - that would stress anyone out.
So you're reactions are normal for the situation you're in.
Re: the bullying boss - can you seek help from HR on this one? My last boss was a vicious bully and I'm convinced that the stress of working with him contributed to setting off my meno symptoms but, because I was new to the job and he had a history of grievances against him and was responsible for passing me on my probation I couldn't do much (though believe me I did look into it).
If you can't do much about him at the moment, at least try and keep a record of your interactions with him so that you have a record of the bullying - that will help if you do seek help further down the line.
And it doesn't sound hysterical or ridiculous - you're going through a lot and working with someone who is profoundly unpleasant is a major stress when one is healthy nevermind when you're dealing with menopause.
Another option perhaps to look into is, is there anywhere else you can work in your field for another organisation? A new job is a stress and there's no guarantee that the next boss will be any better but it might be worth looking into so that you don't feel like you've got no option but to stick out the stress in your current job.
The thing to remember is that there are always options but sometimes they can be very difficult choices and not easy.
Also remind yourself that whatever you've worked hard at, he can't take it away from you unless you give him that power. So he may choose to humiliate, belittle and do any other 100 and unpleasant things - but don't allow him to become your inner critic - remember all the things you have done and achieved.
Sending hugs xxx