Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[SallyG]

I feel ashamed of this but I did not sleep at all because I was so worried about work and the tasks my boss has given me. I don't know what to do about it. I daren't go off again. But I just feel so ill and hormonal. I guess I am asking for sympathy but this is the place where people understand.

Sallyxxx

[Annie0710]

Aw Sally

What you are feeling is real, I was like that 3 years ago, hit rock bottom healthwise and left the job I loved, because I started to hate it.  I don't think I did hate it looking back, I told myself I did because I couldn't cope, suddenly didn't understand the job I'd known inside out.

i was fortunate that my OH supported me leaving, and a 5 month break did wonders for me but realistically I probably needed longer.  I had no support or advice from anyone who could tell me these feelings were 'normal' and went to doc thinking I had early dementia,

I've never fully recovered, but am sooooo much better with no change to the hrt I've been in for years, only that I upped vit b12 that I was deficient in

Pushing myself during that horrible phase did me no favours and I needed time out desperately

Bless you , I hope you can start to feel better soon

Annie xx

[Ju Ju]

And not sleeping doesn't help. Do you want to give more details of what you are worried about and what symptoms are bothering you? Would you enjoy work if health issues didn't get in the way?

[Greenfields]

Sally am sending you lots of sympathy - it's a horrible thing you're going through.

Remember that this is very early days in terms of getting back to work - so try to bear that thought in mind when you start to worry.

Are you able to look at the worries in the daytime and figure out whether there's anything you can do about the things you're worrying about? 

Also to look at them and see whether they are things that might not happen? - sometimes we worry about things at night which, during the day time we realise aren't things to worry about.

If you find this worrying persists and interrupts your sleep, have you tried getting up and journaling the worries?  Or doing a relaxation tape (playing it while you're resting in bed) - insomnia isn't going to make you feel good.

Have you got access to a counsellor you could talk through your worries?

Sending lots of hugs xxx

[Kathleen]

Hello SallyG.

So sorry to learn that you are suffering at the moment.  I can only send you sympathy and remind you that this is hormonal and not at all your fault. As a wise woman on the forum once said " This too shall pass ".

Sending hugs and best wishes.

K.

[angelindskiexx]

Hi Sally,
Just wanted to send you some hugs. I had to give up my teaching practice when I started menopause.....  I had 6 months left to qualify and now I'm currently off work again....   

[Night_Owl]

Sally, that's nothing to be ashamed of, that you were awake worrying.  I do sympathise - know how that feels.  I remember whole nights when I didn't sleep - I was under-performing at work, there was no way I could do anything but, I could barely see straight and looked like a wreck.  Meno symptoms and lack of sleep give this whole feeling of 'unpreparedness' in the work setting - everybody else was just fine and I was falling apart at my desk but trying so hard not to show it, such a strain.  I used to feel so faint/sick on the train on the way to work with the vile flushes, super stressed before I'd even got there (and that was on HRT).

Stating the obvious here and what you've probably thought about a hundred times already:  Guess you stick it out and hope that things settle and you begin to feel a bit better - or ask for further reduced hours, part time - or maybe think about leaving (if financially viable) and taking some time out - then maybe at some stage look for a 'gentler' job.  As we well know, when meno hits and (early) mornings become so difficult - the flushes/adrenaline surges so debilitating, we have to make changes in our lives to accommodate it all - and often can't do what we managed previously, it's such a bummer (particularly when others seem unaffected). 

Hope you're feeling a bit better as the day has passed - and get some sleep tonight.

Be kind to yourself.

Night_Owl
x

[SallyG]

Thanks for all of your lovely messages. Juju. I love my job but resent how Im managed and it adds to my stress on top of horrid menopause symptoms, which present as fear and anxiety. Im giving a talk tomorrow at a mothers union meeting and Im freaking out about that after I lectured in front of hundreds. Its pathetic. I am so worried I will lose this opportunity. I love what I do and am good at it. The students are great and they seem to really like me. I just feel like my boss is a bully and I can't take it at the moment. I feel like Ive got no confidence left. Thats how I feel really. Probably sounds hysterical and ridiculous. But its hard when you have worked hard at something and its like someone is trying to take it away from you.

[Greenfields]

Thanks for all of your lovely messages. Juju. I love my job but resent how Im managed and it adds to my stress on top of horrid menopause symptoms, which present as fear and anxiety. Im giving a talk tomorrow at a mothers union meeting and Im freaking out about that after I lectured in front of hundreds. Its pathetic. I am so worried I will lose this opportunity. I love what I do and am good at it. The students are great and they seem to really like me. I just feel like my boss is a bully and I can't take it at the moment. I feel like Ive got no confidence left. Thats how I feel really. Probably sounds hysterical and ridiculous. But its hard when you have worked hard at something and its like someone is trying to take it away from you.

Lets just reframe that.

You are not pathetic about freaking out giving a talk.

You are dealing with major health issues on top of a regular workload - that would stress anyone out.

So you're reactions are normal for the situation you're in.

Re: the bullying boss - can you seek help from HR on this one?  My last boss was a vicious bully and I'm convinced that the stress of working with him contributed to setting off my meno symptoms but, because I was new to the job and he had a history of grievances against him and was responsible for passing me on my probation I couldn't do much (though believe me I did look into it).

If you can't do much about him at the moment, at least try and keep a record of your interactions with him so that you have a record of the bullying - that will help if you do seek help further down the line.

And it doesn't sound hysterical or ridiculous - you're going through a lot and working with someone who is profoundly unpleasant is a major stress when one is healthy nevermind when you're dealing with menopause.

Another option perhaps to look into is, is there anywhere else you can work in your field for another organisation? A new job is a stress and there's no guarantee that the next boss will be any better but it might be worth looking into so that you don't feel like you've got no option but to stick out the stress in your current job.

The thing to remember is that there are always options but sometimes they can be very difficult choices and not easy.

Also remind yourself that whatever you've worked hard at, he can't take it away from you unless you give him that power.  So he may choose to humiliate, belittle and do any other 100 and unpleasant things - but don't allow him to become your inner critic - remember all the things you have done and achieved.

Sending hugs xxx

[SallyG]

Thanks so much. That all makes a lot of sense. I just get so confused about what is my stress and what belongs to menopause reactions. Its so hard to know really.I also get stressed around my daughter too and feel guilty about being menopausal mother.I don't remember feeling this scared , shaky and fearful ever

Sallyx

[Greenfields]

Thanks so much. That all makes a lot of sense. I just get so confused about what is my stress and what belongs to menopause reactions. Its so hard to know really.I also get stressed around my daughter too and feel guilty about being menopausal mother.I don't remember feeling this scared , shaky and fearful ever

Sallyx

Oh I can relate to that completely Sally - when I wake up anxious and with nausea I often have to talk to myself out loud to remind myself that this isn't me (the anxiety etc) - it's a physical sensation arising from a hormonal imbalance!  But it's hard and there is a sense of not knowing what is me and what isn't me with respect to the menopausal stuff.

Because you don't remember feeling this scared, shaky and fearful ever I would think that it's a menopausal reaction rather than you yourself generating it - so just keep reminding yourself of that.

I know when I want on HRT I couldn't believe the difference in my anxiety levels and although I have recently been waking up with some anxiety, it's a hell of a lot better than it was a few months ago - I think I reframed my anxiety for a long long time without realising that it was higher than normal because my hormones were depleted. I just thought it was because I was planning another international move in the space of a year!

As for being guilty about being a menopausal mother - let that one go.  What matters (as Winnacott) used to highlight is being a 'good enough' mother - and I'm sure you're that.  If nothing else, you're demonstrating to your daughter your resilience in getting up and trying to do the best you can each day while managing a very unpleasant health condition - and there will be good days and bad days.

Sending hugs xxx

[renee]

SallyG your certainly hanging on in there, good for you!

Iv given up work but I will return to do something I enjoy again. I worked full time then cut it down to 3 days then eventually 2 but the anxiety and meno symptoms won in the end and 15 months ago I left with notice. Didn't make me feel any better initially, actually it made me feel worse!!

Months down the line Iv started a computer class once a week just to keep me in the fold as I worked as a secretary, I too go to a little coffee shop one morning and treat myself to a latte and cake. I go for walks and I'm thinking maybe next year I might just dip my toe in the water again and see how I get on.

You too will find your way......whichever way you go it will be the right decision for you xxx

[Briony]

Sally                     xxx

[GypsyRoseLee]

I know just how you feel.

I know my job inside out and used to love it. I always get very positive feedback from clients. But my boss isn't ever complimentary and hates to say thank you for anything, even though I often go beyond the call of duty to help him out.

Have been off work for 2 weeks on holiday and am dreading going back, because I hate working with that sense of unease that he isn't pleased with what I'm doing.

I am sure that if  gave up work I would be able to cope better with my symptoms but financially it really isn't an option. At least I only work part time which is a blessing.

Sending you lots of hugs and sympathy xxx 

[Debe]

I know exactly how you feel. I had a boss like this, he was never happy with anything I did, and was deliberately overloading me. I kept up with ALL the work he gave me till I thought THAT's IT! And I left. Yes, I went through all the procedures to no avail. It just wore me down. Totally stressed me out, had really bad anxiety etc. Basically he was new to the job was a bully and he was threatened by my qualifications and competency. All I want now is to be happy again. The anxiety has gone, but now I think I am depressed. I have no energy.

I can't advise you but your health is more important than your job.