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[BrightLight]

 Hi Mandy

Print out the guidance Greenfield has given you, those are great steps to help manage your anxiety. Try not to expect the bleeding to stop imediately and try not to associate this continuing as a sign something is very wrong.  Try not to link them together, try to remember that piles bleed, that is what is happening.  Anxiety getting overwhelming is in some ways a seperate thing but it's got in a loop.

I do understand and can only support confidently because I really do xxx

[ancient runner]

Hello Mandy - couple of thoughts. As I said before, know where you are coming from with anxiety. First thing is DON'T GOOGLE. You'll always find the worst possibility, plus people on the sites or talking about the symptoms are either worried well, newly diagnosed - or really seriously ill with something. The people who get treated and get on with their lives simply aren't there. Second thing - when I did drive myself nuts- I had some counselling that I think was CBT. Tactic was to simply not think about things you can't change. Imagine a chest of drawers in your head, and every time your brain tries to tell you your piles are fatal, slam that thought in the drawer and ignore it. Do something else. It is easier said than done - but it does get easier to do.
So - no peeping down the loo. No google. And please try to put the obsessive thoughts away as soon as they appear. xx

[mandy43]

only just seen these new replies and I am trying.  However, I went the loo first thing and I looked and it was full of blood, fear and panic set in again and I took myself off to A and E.  I had to!  I saw a wonderful doctor who understood my nervous state.  Bloods were done and my blood pressure was through the roof.  he examined my stomach, back etc and then my bottom.  He said I have 2 cuts inside me and I asked him about the bowel cancer.  He said no, the bleeding is coming from the cuts.  However, I should get myself referred to have as sigmoid or colonoscopy as the fear is going to do me more harm than anything.  He said I should get it done and put it to bed.  If I need treatment for the piles then just get it out of the way.  He was very caring and understanding.  But can I tell you and please don't get annoyed with me, but my first thought was, 'well if there is nothing wrong with me, why does he want me to be referred?'  Even though he explained to me numerous times what I said above, I was and am still questioning why he said it.  Second thing is, why all the blood out of a few tears?  Again he explained that the blood splash effect in the toilet is typical piles.  Yet, still I question this.  Next, my FBC came back normal and he told me that the other results for liver, kidneys etc... aren't back yet but if there was anything wrong with them, my fbc would have been out of whack.  Yet still I am fearing the phone ringing or a letter coming in the post to say the doc wants to see me.  I truly believe there is no helping me.  I won't believe anyone, what the hell is wrong with me?

[mandy43]

oh thanks Sparkle.  I do think all the worry does come from a good place, the need to be fit and healthy for my children... but I just wish I could believe what doctors tell me without having to run to a specialist at the quickest opportunity and usually privately, so it is quick, to finally put it to rest.

[honeybun]

So it's piles  just like your GP told you.

The reason you bleed it that when you go to the loo you are forcing open what amounts to a cut in a very sensitive area. That takes time to heal up.
Sounds to me as if the doctor only suggested further investigation to put your your mind at rest because you had got upset and stressed.

Why don't you sit back for a week or so before you even consider having an investigation done as probably by then you will be better.

Keeping your feet up helps piles as does a warm bath.


Honeybun
X

[mandy43]

thanks honeybun will try xx

[CLKD]

You don't want to believe what sounds to be a very good A&E Senior Houseofficer/Registrar, caring, kind, knowledgeable: who is busy ……. what do you want anyone to say?  He seems to have taken on board your health concerns, took bloods which came back 'within normal limits' and yep, the other tests can take up to 10 days.  Gave you time.  I can feel his empathy from here 

"However, I should get myself referred to have as sigmoid or colonoscopy as the fear is going to do me more harm than anything.  He said I should get it done and put it to bed.  If I need treatment for the piles then just get it out of the way.  He was very caring and understanding.  But can I tell you and please don't get annoyed with me, but my first thought was, 'well if there is nothing wrong with me ……. "  you aren't listening  - how did you feel whilst he was examining you, how did you feel when he said the above?

If it's piles then they will take time to heal.  I think you need to return to your GP for advice, taking on board that he/she will know what he/she is talking about and *take on board* what you are told.  Actually: what's the worst it could be?

[mandy43]

I felt huge relief CLKD, but as usual it is always short relief, as I always need to have that final test done to rule at the big C.  That;s what I am scared of and have been since I was a teenager.  I'm not going back the doc again, as I know it won't make me any better.  I am due to the see my meno specialist next Thursday, so I will ask if he can refer me to have the sigmoidoscopy and take it from there.  I cannot thank everyone on here enough for listening, understanding, the tough love, the empathy.  Believe me I do feel better when I read all the replies and it does help, if only in the short-term, it makes me feel better at my low points. 

[Greenfields]

Mandy have you thought about having CBT?  It would really help with breaking the repetitive thought patterns and would be good for your anxiety long term.  You can get it for free by telephone - it's called ITalk - worth looking into if you haven't already tried it.
Hugs xxx

[CLKD]

You certainly need psychological assistance.

Your Meno Specialist is unlikely to refer you, it would be unethical.  The least he should be able to do is make the suggest to your GP, so you may as well bite the bullet and go to your GP.  Otherwise you have another week of worrying 

[BrightLight]

Mandy can I suggest something?

While you're anxious (which is completely understandable) try to avoid activities that increase your anxiety - so avoid googling health issues around the bowels - before you do something like that, ask yourself is this going to increase or decrease my anxiety?  If it's going to increase it - choose something else - or, ask yourself is this helpful for me to do at this moment?  And answer it honestly.

And just for the sake of argument, if it was the worst possible thing you thought it might be (eg cancer) one week isn't going to make any difference in terms of treatment outcomes - SO give yourself a week where you just focus on it being piles and deal with the symptoms as best you can. If they persist after a week - then go back and see the Dr again.

So think about not looking in the pan.  Being extra kind to your backside when you go.  Keep going - if you avoid going, it's going to take more time to heal because the harder fecal matter will dig into the piles area.  And eat lots of food which makes your poo sloppy - then it will be less strain to evacuate even if it's sloppier than normal.
 
When you find yourself worrying - do something to distract yourself. List things you can do as distractions and practice being really present with the distraction for at least 5 minutes before you go back to worrying.

Try to do some relaxation exercises as well. That will help your body calm down a bit. Even a 5 minute walk around the block - and also practice really looking around and identifying things to focus on in order to give your mind some distraction.

Remember the more you focus on thinking the worst - the more your mind is going to go there - it's like digging a groove in the brain - it just gets deeper and deeper.  You need to walk a different path in terms of your thought patterns.

You can do it!  It's not easy but the more you practice, the easier it will become.

Sending hugs xxx

Oh Mandy - your worries must be causing you a lot of distress - keep reading the above, it will help.  I know that it is very hard to challenge thinking when you 'think' it is protecting you.

The truth is I could have cancer right now and not know, you could, anyone could......the point I am making is that sometimes testing isn't the best way to manage health anxiety. Your mind might be put to rest with further investigation due to your fear of cancer or it might not.  I'd wait a week or so until the current problem eases before you make your mind up.  Meanwhile you can try to stop the anxiety in it's tracks now, you have something to work with, the piles.  Once you start to make progress challenging the irrational thoughts or at least calming yourself, you will gain confidence and it will become easier to assess your health and deal with health issues in a lighter more easeful way.

Take care x

[CLKD]

Make that list - jot down what your GP has told you and what the SHO/Registrar discussed with you.  All positive.  All wounds take time to heal and it takes longer if there is pressure because any irritation on thin skin will aggravate the area.

Read the list - many years ago I accepted to do a talk as soon as I put down the 'phone I thought "What have I done!".  It was a subject I am passionate about so I made a list of what I would say, who I was talking to and how much about the subject they would be familiar with.  I wrote out a basic 'talk' and read it every day for the next 3 months until I could read it without that awful gut fluttering.  I was nervous on the afternoon of the talk but it went really well 

By looking at the notes I had made it enabled me.  It wasn't easy.  Those fear symptoms made me almost cancel several times but by reading the list daily I began to gain confidence: until 


Oh don't go, we need to know how you are!  I can deal with situations if I don't have time to think about them, it's after - once the adrenaline drops off, that reaction sets in  …….. if I am asked to do something that gives me time to consider it, then my anxiety kicks in: what if ….. bugger it


I had cancer.  I'm still here >wave< !  I have a wound as well as marks where the radiation was lined up but I never think about it, don't even look at the marks ….

I did use relaxation therapy for several years.  Starting at my toes, stretching hard and relaxing - all the muscle groups up my body, the idea being that whilst concentrating on that my brain would be focussed off my panic - well >shrug<.  Try it, then let us know in the morning 

[mandy43]

I will ladies.  I'm going to try to do some relaxation therapy now.  CLKD, I know I am strong in many ways, have had to deal with some very hard points in my life; losing my baby, my dad, my brother and I'm still standing. And, I know what you have been through, from other posts I have read, you are incredibly strong and I will go the docs, as I don't need him or her to reassure me again now, I will just asked to be referred and try to put this to bed.  I also think I will ask about doing CBT again, i need to get some control. ni night ladies xx

[honeybun]

Not sure I understand why you need a referral. Surely sticking a big tube up your bum will make things worse and not better.

Are you going privately or NHS.

You have piles.  I do sympathise but surely after being seen by a doctor at the hospital is reassurance enough rather than an unnecessary test.


Honeybun
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[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on with the relaxation.  Do you like music, I found on the nights I was unable to sleep that radio 2 music enabled me to pretend I was skating: Oh I was SO good  : I found that the planning of moves helped me relax >shrug< …… practicing my relaxation therapy was the hardest for me, stopping the racing thoughts, trying to relax when  my whole body was 'on the go' ……..