Just catching up with this thread. Have I understood correctly that as well as alcohol, you use tobacco and weed? No wonder you're depressed Dandelion, you're filling your body with toxins. Weed is also linked to paranoia.
You consistently blame your family for your situation but although you can't change the past, you can change the future - you'll only do that be taking responsibility yourself. You've been blaming your family, David Cameron, previous flat owners... Sh*t happens but we pick ourselves up and move on. Wait for someone else to pick you up and you'll be waiting an awful long time. There are organisations that can help you but only if you're prepared to help yourself. In all of this thread I dint think I've seen you take responsibility for anything?
Cut out the stuff you're poisoning yourself with (your body AND your finances will thank you for it) then rather than sit and wait for a diagnosis, make a list of key goals going forward. Do 5 things each day to help bring you closer to these and you'll feel at least that you're moving forward. It's a good feeling and it motivates you. More than any diagnosis will (I can't see how that will help except for more benefits).
Losing your house would be tough but there are rented properties - it doesn't mean you'd be on the streets. Alternatively have you considered a lodger?
Happiness is a state of mind not circumstances - and trust me I know some people whose situation would be your (anyone's) worst nightmare and yet they choose to be happy.
GG x
Hi Geordie Girl
Firstly, may I correct you on ADHD diagnosis and more benefits.
I will not get more benefits due to getting an ADHD diagnosis. I will be on the same ones.
I know you did not say this, but money is not a reason I want a diagnosis.
I have a small pension income, and savings, which is where my drink and drug money come from.
I do well in minimising my drink and drug use, and for that, I am proud of myself. OK it is not as simple as stopping, but anyone who knows about addiction knows it is not as simple as stopping dead.
I spend very little on drugs, more on drink.
The last time I stopped dead, I badly self harmed, not in a premeditated way, but in a quick loss of temper on myself kind of way. This type of thing often happens when I go totally sober from anything.
I am not in the mood for alcohol today, so it was easy not to have a drink today.
There is a housing crisis in the UK. Being a benefit claimant does not automatically guarantee you a house, neither does having mental health problems. Private rents, plus, bills, even for sober people who don't smoke, can be too expensive and result in eviction, for workers and claimants alike. Most private landlords don't take claimants, and all homeless charities know that.
If I have a problem, and I can do something about it, I either solve it, or get advice or help to solve it, and then I feel better.
It is only the insolvable ones that I cannot seem to shift the mood from my heart.
That has been the way long before I started to drink or do drugs.
The unsolvable ones at the time were the painful relationships I had with my family.
Yes, I could have moved out, but I thought the problems were my fault, as my family manipulated me into thinking I was the one at fault, so I was forever trying to improve myself, only getting nowhere, because I did not know I was being manipulated, or 'kept little', or, brainwashed.
More and more people are being made homeless. I have not gone into detail about my flat, but there is a chance I will also be made homeless.
I have not said that I blame David Cameron, the previous owners of my flat, or anyone for my issues. In fact, I even said that I bring out the worst in my family and there is something I am doing that is attracting bullying, because a bully would bully everyone if it was all of the bullies fault, whereas bullies do not bully everyone, only those who somehow in some way, show the bully they are a victim.
I also do tell myself I am grateful that I do have a home now, and that I have the use of my arms, legs, and senses.
I know of people who have lost their independent living funds and home-helps so they can no longer care for themselves in their own home and have to be moved to insititutions.
I also know of people who have had their disability living allowance cut, and can no longer go to work as they can no longer afford the various aids that allowed them to go out to work each day and hold down a job.
There are people who are stronger and more able to smile despite worse problems, I have never denied that.
I can't help feeling the way I feel about the possible spectres hanging over me. I always try to apply the CBT tool I learnt, not to worry about things that I cannot control, but the physical feelings wont go away.
I try to make myself smile and I even force myself to laugh, so that people can 'see' I am jolly and upbeat, but I just feel a fake to be honest.
Thaks for the lodger Idea but I don't have the room, and also I like my own space.
I do acknowledge that I fear the worst case scenario a lot of the time.
I know there are people who have terminal illnesses, disabiliities, etc etc, but for an agoraphobic vulnerable person to be homeless and keep a smile on his/her face, I would think that would be mission impossible.
I might stand corrected here also, but how many women with very bad meno symptoms can feel happy? I just hope mine go by the time my doc wants me off hrt.
Some people do have suicidal feelings, telling them that there are people worse off, might be well intentioned but it really doesn't help. People like this know that there are people worse off than them, they don't want to be worse off, they want to be better off. Remembering to feel greatful is a good thing, but it does not stop the horrible feelings coming up.
So, I do think I am taking as much responsiblity for myself as possible right at this time. I feel like I am being guilt tripped and its the last thing I need as I just feel alienated and invalidated.
Anyway, I responded to my mum's facebook message today in a respectful way, but in a way that I can respect myself for as well, so I am grateful for that. I said.
"Adhd is a physical, rather than a mental condition. All physical conditions were once unheard of"
She had previously said ADHD means f*ck all and it wasn't heard of until a few years ago.
I won't be putting any more posts like this in this forum. I'll still be friendly and help where i can but I will keep my queries to meno only.