Thanks for all these posts - it really helps hearing others perspectives.
I think my main issue now is for my body to recover from my breakdown. Exercise definitely helps with this although I'm mindful that going completely overboard would be too much!
I still wake in the mornings with a very dry mouth - so my nervous system isn't completely reset - I think there's too much cortisol or adrenalin racing around early on in the day.
I can interact with people a lot now but I find that if I have a very busy day chatting to people, I feel a bit exhausted the next day - so it's about pacing.
Two people who shared with me their experiences of breakdowns had different recovery times. One took Prozac and was back at work at 6 weeks (she also saw a therapist weekly as well). The other had a breakdown followed by an episode of psychosis - was briefly hospitalised and then took early retirement from her then career and spent a whole year not working before retraining to do something else. Both individuals worked in the teaching profession and both retired on good pensions. Unfortunately I mistimed my breakdown as I had it before I established a good career with a good pension and in the middle of moving countries to boot!
I had my breakdown at the end of March and it's now the middle of May and I'm functioning a lot better but notice that my nervous system can go into overdrive very quickly. That's why it's so difficult with respect to dealing with the uncertainty around my future - if I still had a place on the Masters course in Canada this Fall I would have some security around what I would be doing.
Instead, if and when I'm able to go back to Canada, I face another year of uncertainty with respect to whether I can get on the course and also a lot of uncertainty around employment - which I find particularly scary. However, given the housing crisis in the UK, if I stay here, I face the prospect of my savings (which are essentially my pension) diminishing within a year or so as I cannot afford the rents but do not qualify for housing benefit until my savings drop to around 16K.
However they do not have housing benefit in Canada! So although the rents are cheaper at the moment and rental agreements are much more straightforward and secure, I need to be able to work at least 2 p/t jobs as the wages are low and f/t jobs are hard to come by.
The 0 hours contract culture that is present in the UK is much more rapacious in Canada. For example, a friend told me recently that she left the company she had been working for p/t due to the fact that they brought in a rule that p/t workers had to be available to work from 7am to 11pm daily - but nobody was guaranteed their hours - so you literally didn't know from one week to the next what you would be doing but you couldn't take another p/t job because then you wouldn't be available to the company under their rules.
I did a casual job in Canada a while back and had to be available all the time but wasn't given very many hours - it was intensely stressful even though I was married at the time and my ex earned a good income. And in that work, I damaged my arms with repetitive strain injury due to being asked to do a f/t workload in p/t hours. When you are working such contracts, you become disposable. My arms have never completely recovered from the injury and that has impacted my ability to hold down professional work.
I mention all this because exercise is definitely helping me deal with the stress but it doesn't remove it - add in the fact that my UK rental agreement is up for renewal in September and I have a very difficult landlord and I worry about being homeless - it's a lot to carry emotionally when you are recovering from a breakdown. I have put in as much support in place as I can to help me (I'm now registered as a client with a social services agency so I have a support worker who can help me if my landlord is difficult with me in September).
Having said all that, I try to stay optimistic and trust that things will work out.