Polly - as you are now 51 it may be worth having another break from any hormone treatment to see how you cope. You say you had break before but it wasn't good - what meno symptoms are you trying to reduce? It is easy to blame HRT for many symptoms - I certainly did - but when I stopped HRT these symptoms actually got worse. I tried Tibolone and found it controlled the flushes etc. very well but unfortunately it gave me acne - not all women get this but I'm prone to outbreaks of spots anyway and Tibolone made it worse. I would persevere with Tibolone for now as I think if you could just relax about it a bit more and not blame everything on the pills you might be OK. Tibolone is deemed one of the safest preparations to take as it has less affect on the breasts - all HRTs and drugs have horror stories so try not to worry .
Many of the symptoms you are describing sound anxiety based and I'm wondering if you have tried an SRRI like Citalopram that might control flushes etc. and also calm the anxiety? Some women need both HRt and an SRRI to control everything.
I think the numbness and headaches are tension based, I bet you've got some horrid knots in your back from anxiety and worry - can you get a good massage, do some yoga or Mindful Meditation to relaes some of that tension? DG x