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[Greenfields]

Is it normal to experience big fluctuations in levels of energy and mental competence on HRT?

Yesterday I felt so well - particularly in the afternoon and evening. I use the Internet in the library as I don't have home internet and the staff (who know me well) told me how well I looked and I felt 'normal' for want of a better description - very competent and lots of energy.

Today I woke up and had absolutely no energy and felt very fragile. I'm at the library this afternoon but only because I decided I really needed to make myself go outside of my flat and do a walk and talk to people.  This morning I spent prone on the bed for an hour doing a relaxation track because that's all I was capable of doing for a while. I also changed my bed sheets, hoovered the bedroom floor and put some washing on - but these were all little tasks which I found I could do in short energy bursts - some moments I seemed to have some energy and other moments I had none.   

I also had a bath. And despite keeping the temperature warm and not hot, I had to lie down on the bed afterwards for ages to recover - I had no energy. This has happened to me quite a bit lately.

I'm really struggling with the extreme changes in my symptoms.  At one point I wondered whether what I had after deciding not to move to Canada was some kind of nervous breakdown. But my mind, on the whole, has continued to be clear and sharp so I don't know?  Some times of the day I feel so competent and my mind feels so sharp.  And then other times I feel shaky, fragile and in a fog. I don't know enough about the symptoms of nervous breakdown to know whether I've had one.

The one thing I have noticed since all this started is that I'm not able to put the radio on much or to tolerate the radio news - think I've had it on about 3 times in the last month. Which is why I'm wondering whether what's happened to me is a malfunction of my nervous system as well as my hormonal system not working? But I don't know.

Would oestrogen and progesterone HRT mask a nervous breakdown?

I'm desperate to get better.  I'm eating well (although often hungry if I don't eat a lot of protein - I keep topping up with cheese). On the days that I have energy I get out and meet people and walk. And on those days I think about steps I can take to move my life forward.

And then there are these other days where I just struggle to function properly.

The other thing I've noticed is that I have trouble getting off to sleep and sometimes my sleep quality is good and other times it's not. And when it's good, I'm usually tired for the rest of the day.

But I've also been experiencing insomnia.

There just doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to my symptoms (I was going through my notes for the doctor this morning trying to spot patterns in what I've recorded) - other than that I noticed that I've had upset bowels since switching to take HRT in the evenings - and I'm going to ask the Dr for patches on Monday.

I really need to get well and be consistently well. I've been sick for a month now. It's a real worry for me because if I can't get better I am going to end up homeless eventually as I need to work (assuming anyone will employ me after all this has happened).  I've just not been well enough to think about applying for work - my plan was to pick up a few care worker shifts to begin with but I don't think I would have the stamina to do it at the moment - especially as I don't think I've gained much of the weight I lost suddenly a while back.

I have noticed that on the days when something particularly stresses me (e.g. thinking about the things I have to sort out for moving back to Canada or a difficult telephone conversation with a friend) my insomnia is worse and I get anxious.  But otherwise I don't have a lot of anxiety (like I had prior to starting HRT) but there are times when I just don't feel that well.

Sorry to ramble but my symptoms just don't make sense to me.  I would love to know what was wrong - mental and/or physical - it's the not knowing that's so hard.

Any information or thoughts on all this really appreciated.

[pepperminty]

Hi Greenfields,

I know how you feel, you have my sympathy . Some days I am good and some so exhausted and there seems to be no rhyme nor reason. I have been on Femeston for a month now and experienced dreadful symptoms after the progesterone phase, but was okish to start with. I am not sure but I don't think HRT masks a breakdown. Perhaps ask to be referred to your local meno clinic?
 I spoke to the nurse at the meno clinic today and she said that in peri your hormones are up and down constantly, so what you are experiencing is more than likely normal. You sound like you are doing all the right things. I just try to take one day at a time. I wish I had some answers for you.                                                                                                                             Pepperminty x

[Greenfields]

Thank you Pepperminty.

I looked again at the side effects listed in the Nuvelle Continuous book and noticed that it has 'fatigue' listed - I missed that because 'fatigue' to me sounds like slight tiredness - not the lying prone on the floor unable to do anything kind of experience that I've been having lately.

Today I woke up feeling fine except for an upset stomach, diarreah and bloating. I have no anxiety, my mind feels incredibly sharp and yet although I had more energy than yesterday, I couldn't do anything until my stomach settled.

So I spent several hours in bed - doing a body scan meditation and then a breath based meditation.

And now I'm in the library, feeling fine and have booked to have my hair cut later today.

I really appreciate you sharing Pepperminty because if it wasn't for this board and hearing other people's experiences, I would think I was losing my mind. Sending hugs to you xxx

[pepperminty]

Hi Greenfields,

You really aren't alone, and as you I find reading other's experiences and having the support here great in times of need. I popped down all my symptoms to share, and ask for advice and help and to be able to see for myself how I felt , if that makes sense.
 Boy did I feel dreadful the other day , but am better today. Try not to concentrate on every little symptom (very hard I know)
. Maybe go to your GP and ask for some CBT for anxiety, I found that helpful .
There are going to be days when you can cope and others where you feel unable and it's learning the tools to help you through those. Don't suffer in silence , try to see the funny side when you can. I was a wreck yesterday and I am much better today. Ask friends and family for support.

Peppermintyxx

[Greenfields]

Dear Pepperminty
Unfortunately I don't have any family support and, because of the life stage I was in when all this flared up (intending to move countries), I don't have any friends nearby either. That's whats made it so much harder. Having said that, a church group have been very kind.  This board has also been a huge source of support. And my meditation practice and Buddhist beliefs - I wouldn't have got through it without them either. Sending hugs back at you xxx 

[pepperminty]

Hi , I am sorry to hear what a horrible time you are going through. Hopefully the only way is up!! Maybe volunteer in a charity shop for a couple of hours a week ( looks good on CV ) and there may be some nice ladies to make friends with ? It's hard I know to do anything when you feel so dreadful. Try to stay strong.  Pminty xx

[Greenfields]

Yep I'm hoping to volunteer in a shop soon - it's just that the current meds I've been on (Nuvelle) have left me feeling so fatigued some days I can't get up off the floor and all I can do is relaxation exercises. Other days I have lots of energy - and it's been so unpredictable that I haven't felt able to commit to doing volunteer work because I don't know how well I will be from day to day. Hopefully the new meds will be a bit better (fingers crossed!).

And yes, the only way is up!

[pepperminty]

This menopause malarkey is a nightmare! Perhaps try and see a specialist in hrt as you are so up and down so much. I was bed ridden for a few days before I started the hrt  but so far touch wood been okish apart from my 3 days of chronic crying etc !!  Although I am by no means super- dooper!! I try and remember the fact that at least I can string 2 sentences together at the momemt!!
 I read something yesterday regarding meno , and they said 'don't exercise every day' , but leave a day in between to recover. I guess it's realising we need to be kind to ourselves. Also I'd get some blood work/tests done to make sure it's not anything else. My symptoms are all over the shop  too and reading other ladies experiences , it seems all to common. Don't worry too much about letting people down, it might never happen . I found myself saying , I can't do things and was missing out in case I let people down. Now I say yes and if I am a zombie or goldfish like, I still go. People understand if you aren't well and if they don't stuff them !! I try and see the funny side when I can also. (although it's not easy !!).

Pmintyxx

[Greenfields]

Thanks Pepperminty. My last Dr did do some blood tests - for thyroid, kidneys and glucose - and they all came back normal.

The new Dr said that the regime she's putting me on is what they would put me on at the menopause clinic so I should avoid wasting my money and see how the new meds work - she knows about this forum so she seemed more well informed than the last GP I saw.

I'll see how the rest of this week goes and, if I can manage it, will look into volunteering next week. I need to think about getting references for work anyway - I keep wondering how the hell I'm ever going to get a job again at the moment! Nevermind one that will pay my rent and bills - it's all such a mess and has occurred at the worst possible time in my life.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Greenfields.

I really sympathise. My symptoms are very up and down too, though have only been on HRT for three weeks.

Like you I am desperate to spot some sort of pattern in my symptoms just to make sense if it all and to hopefully predict in advance.

But there just doesn't seem to be one yet, though it's early days yet.

Like you I have days where I feel in the depths of despair and yet the very next day I can wake up feeling energised and very optimistic again. I never realised mood swings could be so extreme.

I also get random insomnia, usually when I have felt anxious that day and I'm almost convincing myself by lunchtime that I won't sleep that night. So of course I don't.
But then I can enjoy 3 straight weeks of good sleep. No idea why.

I have also suffered with daily diarrhoea for over 3 weeks, but my GP said hormones can cause that. But I suspect it was my anxiety...though my hormones cause 'that' so it amounts to the same, I guess?

I noticed with interest that you feel you can't bear to have the radio and the news on? When my nerves are 'bad' I can only bear to watch very simple, factual programs on the TV such as Grand Designs or Location, Location. The thought of watching anything complicated or fictional actually makes me feel quite panicky inside. Same with books. Can only bear to read very familiar books. Nothing new or challenging. Just too intimidating and frightening. Crazy, eh?

But before HRT my symptoms were just as erratic. I am
hoping that HRT evens me out.

You are really not alone. Everyone on here is so supportive and helpful. I am lucky in that I do have friends and family nearby but I don't really feel I can talk openly about my hormonal issues. I'm quite proud and hate people knowing I am really struggling and falling to pieces some days.

So I come on here to offload instead.

[pepperminty]

I concur with GypsyRoseLee,

It is so important to be able to off load. I just keep on hoping that I will eventually have more good days than bad. A friend of mine after being rather ill for years with anxiety, dizziness, stomach problems you name it , she had it, is now absolutely fine. She didn't realise at the time and nor did her GP that she was going through the menopause . So at least we have the advantage of knowing the reason why we feel so awful, although that seems little consolation when you are feeling so ill and crying your eyes out!!

[SallyG]

GypsyRoseLee, Pepperminty and other ladies on this thread, I totally identity with your posts.You have just described the last year for me to a tea. I did not know I was going through the menopause until six months into "it". By then I had alienated my work colleagues and my family and got to a really low place in myself. But my GP s have been very supportive if a little puzzled at times and HRT has worked for me taken with anti anxiety tablets. This we site and blog has been a life line for me and I look at it several times a day.

Hugs

SallyG

[GypsyRoseLee]

Yes, it was such a huge relief to firstly read Professor Studd's website, and his case studies, and all I could think was 'But that's exactly how I am'. And then to find this site and realise I am not just losing my mind - it's just that my hormones are trying to hide my normal 'mind' from me 

And women just DON'T talk about this in real life. I met some good friends last week. One of them mentioned how she was going back to her GP (again) for suddenly aching joints, palpitations and sleep issues. When I discreetly mentioned it could be her hormones (as she is 43) she immediately dismissed me and got quite defensive. Just kept stating that her periods were still very regular, so it couldn't possibly be hormonal and that the menopause was still a long way off.

I quickly dropped the subject as I could see she was quite upset/annoyed at the idea she could be peri menopausal. I think some women just hate to think of getting older and they're bodies ceasing to function 'normally' and them not being fertile etc.

It makes me sad because this conspiracy of silence traps too many women into suffering alone.