You are spot on, Silverlady.
I am generally anxious, in that I am sensitive and prone to worry. I have been since I was very young - if my twin sister ever got upset, I would cry too! I feel things deeply, which is probably what made me go into music.
It's just the way I'm built and I'm ok with it. Of course,I'd love to be super confident and bold, but my "general anxiety" doesn't cause me too many issues.
Right now, it's the physical sensations of anxiety that I'm not enjoying - the unease, the feeling of being lightheaded and not quite present at times, the adrenaline rushes, the palpitations, the feeling that I'm waiting for something to happen.
It really does feel like being out of balance - like a car whose engine is being revved too hard in the wrong gear, or something.
I know HRT isn't a magic wand, and in fact I'm worried that messing about with hormones could make things worse. That said, antidepressants weren't great for me either. Mindfulness is helping me to put space between myself and my worries, and actually I feel pretty calm. My main worry is how to deal with my physical symptoms.
If I give my body something to do, like walking or cleaning, it does seem happier. I have a resolution to learn how to use my fabulous new camera, as a creative outlet. I also teach the flute, which I enjoy.
My bowel issues are definitely intricately linked to stress and what's going on in my brain. I will read your links with interest - I am fascinated by psychology.