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[CP]

 Hi,

It's been a while since i wrote anything on here. I do come on here and take a peek now and then.

I have been feeling really irritated by people lately and get very sensitive about things that in the big world are really small and shouldn't really matter to me.

I fell out with my sister after Xmas. I love her to pieces but i just got to the point where i was so fed up with her behaviour and selfish attitude i needed to come clean and tell her how i was feeling. It's been a long time coming and we have become really close over the last few years which made it harder. I just got so fed up with being a listening board for her and reached a point where i thought why do i put up with it?

I wrote her a letter and not an angry one (worst sort) and didn't rant, i took my time and told her what was bothering me, there was no point in trying to discuss it with her face to face as she is the worst listener and it would only result in an angry row where things would've been said in the heat of the moment we would both regret. I won't go into details about it all but we have helped her a hell of a lot through the years and have gone full circle into another similar situation.

Obviously i knew she'd be angry but three weeks on she has not replied as she said she would and i have had no contact whatsoever with her apart from a few emails when she received the letter.

I feel invisible, i needed to do this with my sister but I feel so sensitive about other things too. If i go out with family or friends i have to fight to be heard when i talk as there is always someone who talks over me, if i am talking and someone else comes along i immediately get cut off as the other person seems more important or interesting to talk to.

I never get the compliments, it's always the person i am with, whoever they are. I have come off Facebook as it just makes me feel crap and stupid things got to me, i would put a picture on there of a family event or something i or we had done and barely anyone would comment on on it but someone else does the same and it was endless comments about how great it was etc....i feel so jealous of others and their lives even though i know that we only see the best side of people and their lives on there.

I read a great quote today:

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Theodore Roosevelt

which for me sums up Facebook and what it's actually all about, i loved it.

I take so much to heart lately, it's horrible, i just feel so fed up with people and feel if i never saw anyone again they wouldn't even notice or be bothered.

My emetophobia has also become much worse so i am constantly anxious about me or someone close being ill, i worry even if it's a cold.

Does anyone else feel like this, is it hormones? I am a natural worrier but the last few months i have become worse, i turn 40 in August and just wondered if others felt like this more nearer the menopause?

[Millykin]

WOW
You really did have a lot to get off your chest. Do you feel better for that? 
Sometimes we feel we are in the background and don't matter to people but I'm sure they don't really see you like that. When we feel anxious or down little things can seem bigger and we read into it to much. You did the right thing with your sister, is she younger than you? Maybe she is letting you cool off before getting in touch. My sister can be so selfish all about her but I'm couple of years older and soon put her in her place. If she's in trouble I always fix it but never gets returned. As for FB better staying away from it some things can upset you on it. Why not make a joke of it if someone pays a compliment to the person your with, such as what about me, might break the ice a bit, or if you are spoken over say so maybe you lack in confidence I know I do I hate when people compliment me I get embarrassed. Yes I am a worrier too about all sorts
X

[Joyce]

Don't know if this will help. I just started CBT yesterday to help with my anxiety. Lady was really lovely & she explained that sometimes we just have to explode over things. I have over silly little things of late, but she said it was perfectly OK. Said it is much worse if you just bottle it up.  Hubby always says I'm only happy when I'm worrying. So going to try hard to stop this anxiety loop I'm in.

CBT lady also said better to explain to those nearest & dearest that sometimes you get overwhelmed. She too suffers with anxiety & has had to explain to her family that it sometimes gets a bit much. She usually ends up in bed ill for a couple of days so that her body can recharge. We all need to do that from time to time.

Sure your sister will come round eventually, if you just explain that it's not just her, but life in general. The menopause affects us all so differently.   

[Millykin]

Cubagirl
Your CBT lady sounds lovely, must be reassuring knowing she suffers too so isn't just using text book words.

CP you will get to a good place and things won't bother you as much. Some take longer, but you just need to tell yourself each day you are a worthy confident lady and try to not let little things simmer away
X 

[CLKD]

CP - yep!  A few years ago I backed off from my sister.  She could make me feel angry even on the end of the phone 
and I thought "I don't have to put up with this" and put the 'phone down  .  We don't have to meet because we are miles apart.  12 months ago I decided not to send gifts any more because ……….  Mum had fuelled the fire by saying my sister is short of money …… and it was obvious that there was less thought going into her present choices.  I sent a letter telling her that we weren't buying gifts any more and she never mentioned it, we exchange cards only and the occasional letter.  NO guilt 

Take care of you. Emitophobia can be all-encompassing  ………

[honeybun]

I sometimes feel invisible and ignored until someone wants something..... I'm important then.

I get very resentful but as I don't like to push myself forward I think I compound the situation.

I am a people pleaser, and find myself agreeing to things just to keep other people happy. I then ask myself would they bother so much for me. I really don't think so to be honest.

I understand exactly how you feel and sympathise. What you do about it is beyond me though.


Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

Practice saying 'no'  - it gets easeir the more often we tell others! I cultivated the habit of, when asked to do something, telling the person 'I need to check my calendar so find someone else in case I can't help'.  Worked. I no longer get asked  >phew<

When I looked round no-one stepped out to help me, i.e. the weekly bins.  I would pull the neighbours' in but do they ever pull mine in, unless asked ………… 

[CLKD]

How will you feel if she never replies?

[Ju Ju]

Hi CP,

Does your sister know you love her and it was only her behaviour that was the problem? Maybe she feels judged and very much wanting and will find it very difficult to contact you. It will be very easy to let things drift and lose contact. In fact this happens in many families. Is this what you want? If you love her and want her friendship, let her know. You don't have to take back what you wrote. Unconditional love does not mean condoning 'bad' behaviour, but understanding why someone behaves badly helps. I suspect there is a lot of unhappiness behind all this.

As to feeling small, well join the club! It is only recently that I have realised that it's ok to be the quiet one in the background and I actually find it uncomfortable being centre of attention, unless I'm acting or singing, but then I'm not being me. I have become a people watcher, not in a judgemental way. Some people thrive on being on being centre, as many do in the drama group, while others enjoy leading and others like me enjoy supporting and being part of a team, so being part of a choir is somewhere I thrive. Some people are more inclined to work with things and others with people. It's ok to be you, but it helps to understand yourself a bit more and not seek to put yourself in situations, jobs etc where you won't thrive.  Best wishes, Ju Ju xx

[CLKD]

Due to my background I've been a people watcher from a very early age.  Love it  . 

People not sending 'thank you' notes really annoys me ……… as mentioned in my other thread  which I can't remember the title of 

[NikkiDUK]

I've definitely learned to say "no" and feel much better because of it. Particularly useful at work as doing two big projects and feel pulled in two directions at once so often just put my foot down and say "we have to prioritise what you want me to do and not throw everything at me at once!" I don't have much time for people anymore either - well, not the ones who don't really matter. I rarely socialise with work colleagues but then I work in London and live outside it and can't be bothered with late night trains and early mornings now days, esp. when I get so tired with the old peri.

Like you, CP, I suffer terribly with emetophobia to the point where it was ruling my life. Hypnotherapy helped a little bit as did CBT but it's never gone away. I fret through the winter particularly because of the norovirus spectre and wash my hands raw. I avoid children wherever possible which is hard when I have a 9 year old godson and his sister who I adore but just can't be around sometimes when the phobia is bad. It usually worse at times like the moment when I'm about to fly off to see my family in NZ - you can imagine the horrors that raises in my mind! I just try and tell myself that if the worse happens I will get through it and it won't last forever. Not much comfort but what else do you do? Any hints would be great.

[CLKD]

We have a thread NikkiDUK! and nope, I don't have any coping strategies - since I began betablockas the constant nausea has receded, at times the phobia is with me 24/7 even in my dreams

It is difficult - I have a friend who I like but I don't feel comfortable with his wife  ……..

[honeybun]

Sometimes I much prefer my little dog to most people that I know 

Says it all really.


Honeyb
X

[Millykin]

I try to avoid people in winter, carry hand gel everywhere, bleach most of house everyday and hate when people use my toilet! My daughter attends warfarin clinc and I where a scarf round my face when busy all thoses people coughing and I'm always handing DD hand gel in the place. My family just look at me but hey ho it's my way
X

[NikkiDUK]

Thanks ladies. And just wanted to pay CP a compliment - I think you dealt with your sister in a thoughtful and mature way and if she can't respond in kind, that is no reflection on you. We can only control our own actions. You are not invisible either - you are a presense in this world and your own person. You don't have to be shouting from the rooftops to be noticed. Kia Kaha (that's Maori for "stay strong.").