Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Angela68]

Hi everyone,
I am so upset and at my wits end tonight! I have had yet another argument with my partner over my moods and behaviour, I am so negative he said, he cant cope with my pains and constant exhaustion! He said I am constantly snappy and always on his back! I have tried to explain to him over the last year that I cant control some of my moods and that my anxiety and joint pain is also due to menopause, he doesn't listen and wont read any of the info I've given him!

This is my second relationship as my marriage of 18 years finished 7 years ago after I found out I couldn't have children due to stage 4 Endometriosis (took 9 years to diagnose)  I feel like a failure, I have went from years of being in excruciating pain to now struggling with more pain and horrendous anxiety plus mood swings!   I don't know what to do anymore, I feel hes being unfair but yet maybe not, maybe I am that awful to live with!

I feel at 47 I am finished, not much to show for my life and just making others miserable!
Sorry to be so pessimistic ladies, long week at work and really really tired I guess.

Thanks for listening to my sob story, much appreciated.

Angela.xx

[Dandelion]

You're not a failure and you are not finished.
Low oestrogen can cause mood swings, well, fluctuating oestrogen, at our age.
Many women get mood swings in meno.
May women benefit from hrt, if you look to the left you can see what treatments are available to you.

[Angela68]

Thank you Dandelion & Sparkle,

I have tried HRT I was on Eleste duet but it seemed to trigger the Endo again so my Gynae has recommended Tibelone, I have an appointment with my GP this week to discuss the pros and cons of this one as apparently it is normally only given to older women who haven't had a period for a considerable time.

I feel I am going mad at times and sometimes wonder if all these feelings can really be hormone related? my GP wont even consider the link between moods/anxiety and menopause, he is sure I am suffering from Depression and I now have another prescription for AD's - Citalopram was awful so now I have Sertraline!

My OH is not dealing with this well at all and I feel I have no choice but to leave and move in with my parents, I hate the arguments and I hate being constantly told that I am 'not the same person anymore'  its pulling be further down, my confidence is already low!
I wish I was the same person, I really really do...but I cant seem to get her back and I'm scared that she's gone forever!

Angela.xx

[Taz2]

Hi Angela - I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tough time but hang on in there. We are all here for you and I'm sure that lots of us have been through these types of feelings (for various reasons) during our journey. Have you had advice and support from the endometriosis society? There might be someone there who can help with the HRT advice or to just listen to how you are feeling http://endometriosis-uk.org/

As for your partner - it can be really difficult for someone to understand how we feel and that can make them feel helpless and a failure too. Do you have a friend who can talk to him or have you tried writing it all down in a letter to him? I know it sounds daft but words spoken tend to get forgotten in the heat of the moment/argument.

Taz x 

[Dancinggirl]

Hi Angela68
So sorry to hear about your problems.    You don't say at what stage you are in your menopause?  Have your periods stopped - if so how long ago? If you are still having period are they erratic, long etc.? Has your doctor diagnosed you as peri or post menopause?
Have been offered a Mirena?  This is often fitted when excessive bleeding is a problem and I believe for women with endometriosis it can also be beneficial.  As you haven't had children this might need to fitted by general anaesthetic.  Unfortunately normal HRT preparations do tend to trigger the endometriosis so won't be appropriate for you but it does sound as though you need some oestrogen, so its about finding a way to give you this without the bleeding problems.
The Mirena can be used for contraceptive purposes and is often fitted post menopause for women who react badly to progesterone.  If you have a Mirena you can then just add some oestrogen in patch or gel form. 
Tibolone is another way to go if your doctor thinks it appropriate.  It's getting more popular as it carries fewer risks and side effects for many women.  I did try Tilolone post menopause and found it quite good.  Unfortunately for me I am very prone to breaking out in spots and it did aggravate this for me which I couldn't tolerate. The plus of Tibolone is, it is very good for the libido!!! You husband may be very pleased with this.
Your husband may benefit from reading the sections for husbands on this site - if he is open to understanding your situation. 
It could also be worth you trying some CBT to help with you mood problems.  I started doing Mindful Meditation (suggested by my GP) which I've found really helpful in times of stress, fatigue or depression.
Hormonal fluctuations etc can play havoc with us in so many ways. It may take time but I'm sure there's a way forward for you - I'm afraid it's going to be trial and error. 
 ADs do take some time to settle and work - perhaps try to Sertraline but I think the right hormones would possibly be a better option for you at your age.
DG x

[Dulciana]

Angela68 - if you go to "All Things Menopause", there's an item called "Advice for Husbands".  Maybe it would be worth printing off.........

[CLKD]

Change your GP.  It is cheaper to prescribe anti-depressant medication than be bothered sorting out a lady's hormone requirements !  MOOD changes *are* HORMONAL …….

Your partner needs a  ……… what other aspects of your relationship is he not supportive of?  Does he get his own way on other issues?  If he refuses to read advice then he has to accept that at this stage of your Life, you have moods and feel low. 

Maybe a buzz word for you both? 1 that he can whisper when you are OTT? being away of how we 'come over' can help ease situations for both sides.  A humorous buzz word can help  - to make you pause and think when the anger takes over.  I remember the pre-menstrual time - 1 week an issue would be OK, pre-menstrually the same issue would send me snarling off the handle !!!! but he has to understand that you are unable to control those shifts in anger.  He has to learn to walk away.  It might be his 'fault' simply because he is present 

" …….. only given to older women who haven't had a period for a considerable time. …… " so why is your GP even considering this?

There is an option of sending a question to Dr Currie on here ……..

I would never go 'home'.  If my DH hadn't been helpful he would have been out that door!

[CLKD]

Dulciana  -  apparently he won't read information 

Perhaps you both need to sit down when you are calm and have a Plan of Campaign, i.e. sort out what needs doing around house and garden and share tasks.  That way he will feel useful, you will have down-loaded chores and won't be on at him ………..