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[honeybun]

Just need to get this off my chest.

Why are men so inconsiderate. Hubby is not sleeping well and most of us know how that feels. He is so restless but why can't he be a bit more considerate and be quietly restless..
He cannot, it would seem, even move his hands without banging them down on the bed. He was scratching his legs last night by rubbing his foot up and down the other leg. The bed was moving from side to side. He doesn't even turn over quietly.

Can I say anything....No I can't as the meds he is on causes his temper to be very short and I don't want any tantrums or barging out of bed.

I know I can be restless too but have always tried not to disturb him.

He is now telling me this morning he wants to help me as I do far too much.....No s##t Sherlock. Unless he is going to come to mothers with me and start changing beds and cooking meals then there ain't much he can do.


ARGGGGGGG

That feels a bit better 


Honeyb
x

[Ju Ju]

 

Have you a spare room? When I was really poorly at the beginning of last year, my husband took refuge in there, both for himself and for me, as I had breathing difficulties and slept badly and he is a restless sleeper anyway. We both slept better and now start the night off together, but he decamps during the night on one of his trips to the loo. ( yes he is checked for prostrate problems). At least it gives you a fighting chance of a good nights sleep.

[honeybun]

We do have a spare room but unfortunately I need to stay put because his meds make his diabetes a bit unstable and sometimes he has a hypo during the night and I need to be there for that.

I just want him to understand .....without me telling him  .....that I'm having to do so much more at the moment so he needs to be a bit quieter.

Some hope eh ?


Honeyb
x

[rosebud57]

Give him a list, preferably a long one, and see how he gets on.  He will either do it or not ask again.

[CLKD]

Better now?  Mine has been restless due to his snuffling, coughing, spluttering since 22nd - both he and Mum had colds over C.mas. 

How about using the New Year as an excuse to sit down and decide what is required around the house/garden/your Mum's in the next few weeks?  Make a list together about how much you have planned and then he can see that you are going to be as busy as you were last year 

Hopefully once the treatment regime is over your DH will settle again.  Maybe some of his restlessness is in his mind ? problems which can lurk in the dark hours.

[Kathleen]

Hello Honeybun.

I wonder if men have trouble putting themselves in someone elses position and that makes them seem inconsiderate. They think they are being helpful but they don't go the extra mile that would actually make a difference.

Years ago, when our children were young I asked my husband to look after them on a Sunday afternoon while I went upstairs for a nap.  I was exhausted after a series of sleepless nights and I made it clear to my husband that I was desperate for a rest and didn't want to be disturbed, he agreed that I need to catch up on my sleep and said he was happy to watch the children while I rested. Well ladies, I bet you can guess where this is going. Sure enough after about half an hour my son toddles upstairs and needs help going to the toilet, then my daughter comes into the bedroom asking me to get her a drink. Oh, good idea thinks son, can Mummy get me a drink as well...  When I go downstairs I find hubby sitting on the sofa oblivious to it all, happily reading the paper. Aaarggh!  Although he was in the same room as the children and available to help them he wasn't being attentive so when they needed something they ignored him and came to find me. Even more annoying was that he hadn't even thought to stop them! The thing that annoyed me most was his belief that he was doing a good job of caring for them and giving me some time off. Again, aaarggh!

Thank you ladies, I feel better for that.

Take care everyone.

K.

[bramble]

Hope you feel better after your rant! I don't think you should pass up this opportunity of your husband helping more. It could also be good for him - make him more focused, give him the sense he is helping,  etc. Perhaps his treatment makes him feel too needy and he wants to feel needed instead?
Could you not delegate some of the routine household work to him? Emptying the bins, cooking a meal even if only once a week, some shopping, doing a spot of ironing etc. It would take some of the stress off you and give you both a sense of working together through this difficult time. Just a thought!
Bramble

[Limpy]

Honeyb - Got a little bit of the same situation with OH at the moment.

He ain't too well, feels c##p and can't do what he did.
What he can, and does do, is light lunch preparation, i.e. putting things on plates. Mightn't sound much but it does make a difference, especially when combined with lots of tea making.

Could yours drive you to your Mum. He could lurk and "persuade" her into good behaviour, just by being there, would that help?

Can't think of anything to help with restless nights - get that too. Only perhaps gritting teeth and thinking it s###s but it didn't kill me last night.

[honeybun]

He normally helps around the house a lot, he is just not fit for much at the moment but he does try. He always makes Sunday dinner and at least one other meal in the week but if he does it now I can see him really struggling and it's just not worth it.
By the time it's ready he is too exhausted to eat anything.

All I really want is for him not to thrash around in bed and let me get the sleep I need to be able to cope with the extra I have to do at the moment.

We are on the count down now to the end of his treatment and I really hope we can get back to some kind of normal in the weeks after that.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

Kathleen - mine was the same when we had a dog, he would be down here watching  TV/reading the papers and she would wet the carpet ……. because he hadn't noted she wanted to go out  OK I know she was in effect 'mine' but a little bit of 'eye out' would have helped 

Same when his mother came to stay.  She never washed up properly, would put the greasy things in before the cleaner crocks, would wash boards/utensils that had had raw food on before the rest ……. 1 night she offered to wash up and I refused, telling her I would do it later - I went for my bath leaving her reading [I thought] a magazine and Himself buried in a book.  When I came into the kitchen the  next morning all the washing up had been done  and he had NOT noticed when she walked across the lounge and out of the door into the kitchen and thought she had been up to make her evening cocoa. 

I had to wash the WHOLE LOT again - it's a good job she didn't say 'I helped you last night' 

Phew - better now 

[honeybun]

Sorry CLKD. I read that as your MIL wet the floor too 

Note to self, read slower 

Think we all have things that drive us nuts. I just seem to be having one of those days. My sister is now in the firing line. Think I need to count to ten.....lots and lots.


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

  …………. oh have a 'go' 

I could rant for England today 

[ariadne]

My husband is the same if he cant sleep. He sighs loudly or bounces about turning from side to side trying to get comfortable. Then if I havent commented he will start groaning - yes really!  I know he does it because he wants me to be awake too. He is rubbish at being even slightly  ill and needs me to be awake to "share" lol.

I creep about like a mouse if I think I will disturb him. Mind you, even if I tossed and turned and told him I was ill, I can guarantee he would be snoring again within 5 minutes

He doesnt move about the house quietly either - never turns door handles so the door closes quietly, just pulls them shut. Stomps about so you can hear him all over the house. Slams down the garage door even though our son sleeps in a bedroom directly above.

Its just thoughtlessness rather than deliberate.

Maybe like my husband, he really wants you to be awake because he's feeling a little frightened.

Have a hug 

Ariadne xx

[Joyce]

We sleep in separate rooms. Not something I enjoy, but I really need to be able to sleep without the snoring. He comes to bed between 12 & 1 in the morning, seldom quietly. Gets into bed, yanks the duvet etc.  In the morning he bangs about, especially if he's running a bit late. He heads off for his bus at 7am, bangs the front door shut. He says he's totally unaware of the racket he makes. He used to work shifts & I was scared I'd waken him. How I kept kids quiet,  I don't know.

[Ju Ju]

Oh CB, the memories your last comment brought back! Trying to keep a noisy toddler quiet when hubbie had done a night duty! The stress and then to find he hadn't heard a thing..... I have photos of him fast asleep with a toddler in his arms after a 'quick swing' 2-10 followed by a 6-2 shift. Not designed for health for him or for the family.