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[CLKD]

Maybe a Plan of Campaign before the next 'phone call  - my sister kept upsetting me (she is narcissistic like Mum) so I decided that if she 'started' when phoning I would put down the phone.  Works.  We only contact each other via letters now (she doesn't have a computer  ) which suits me fine.  No pressure. No angry words.

I have a friend: almost an ex at one point  : who when I told her that I felt anxious still wouldn't put the phone down and if I did, she would ring straight back.  I no longer visit with her because she kept finding stuff to talk about …… if I see her in the street I have an excuse ready if she keeps me talking 

[babyjane]

when push comes to shove it is sad but it becomes a case of 'them or us'.  In the end mum's GP intervened as it was killing my mum and my father wouldn't confront his mother or put my mum first.  The authorities thought mum and dad should look after the old witch woman but mum's doctor said categorically no as mum had her own health problems.

In the end my father died and mum was left with responsibility for her mother in law.  Social services got involved and grandma went to a geriatric hospital and then on to a nursing home. She kicked and spat and screamed and shook her little fists at everyone but she didn't get her own way and eventually order was restored.  Mum cried out of sheer relief the day my grandmother died.

[babyjane]

thank you sparkle x. 

I know this is honeybun's thread but I just wanted to put my point across as it is difficult to see when you are caught up in it.  I do hope she won't be offended by my comments

[bramble]

Poor Hb, you are being pulled betwixt and between. But remember, whatever you decide we are here for you. Just do the best you can. And look after yourself. We are all rooting for you and the advice you have been given is sensible. But it is so difficult for you to put yourself first for once I know. But this is the time. Honest! Your back needs you!

Bramble

[honeybun]

I have said what I can do, but more importantly what I can't. And what I can't will be left not done. I know my mother is trying to pressurise me into the heavier stuff and I'm just not going to do it.

I want my back to get better and I'm not letting her or my sister tell me otherwise.

As my 20yr old daughter said today.....where is the sympathy for you in all this mum.

My sister is not speaking to me...b***red if I know why and mother thinks she has won.....well she will learn differently when I go tomorrow and don't do what she wants.

Hubby is so p***d off, if I let him loose on mother or sister things would be said that could never be taken back. Not sure I'm ready for that. He has no love or respect for either and sees them about twice a year....less if he can manage it.

This will sound awful but mother is 93, how long can this go on for.....so I want my conscience to be clear when the time comes.
That probably only makes any sense in my head 


Honeyb
X

[purplenanny]

Sadly I can't be of any help HB , but I can send you a big hug and some pretty flowers
Your situation sounds awful, so much angst in your life.
I do hope things get better for you, with Mother , sister and your back
PN x x

[honeybun]

My life could be tranquil if they just left me alone.

Thanks for the hug PN.


Honeyb
X

[honeybun]

Thanks Sparkle.

I'm just tired of it all and very worn down.


Honeyb
X

[Limpy]

As my 20yr old daughter said today.....where is the sympathy for you in all this mum.

My sister is not speaking to me...b***red if I know why and mother thinks she has won.....well she will learn differently when I go tomorrow and don't do what she wants.

This will sound awful but mother is 93, how long can this go on for.....so I want my conscience to be clear when the time comes.

Honeyb - Your daughter is right, you really do need sympathy too.
When you go tomorrow could she go with you to provide emotional support?
Failing that, your husband, as long as he promises just to look after you and not to spook your Mum.
It's not a short drive and may be fraught at the other end, you need support.

You mention that she is 93, the late Queen Mother lived till she was 101................

Hope something gets sorted for you

[bramble]

 

[CLKD]

When someone is tired they don't make good decisions. 

Take note of what is said here and keep it in the back of your mind when next at your Mum's  ……. do what you feel able to do and if your Mum whittles on then leave ……. go into the car and take some deep breaths.  Go back to finish if you need to or drive home.  Once the extra help is instigated you can step back. If your sister isn't speaking, so what.  Get better at putting down the phone …………

[Scampi]

HB - needing to have a clear conscience makes perfect sense, and I hope my comments didn't offend or upset you - that really wasn't the intention.

You have, and are, doing a remarkable job with your Mum - no-one could do more.  Just take care of YOU in all this xx

[honeybun]

 

I don't know what I would do without the help of you all. It brings things into perspective and stops me feeling I must be a really bad person feeling the way I do.

Off again this morning early as I have to leave earlier. Hubby has hospital appointment and this is big results day. Tummy turning somersaults already.

Honeyb
x

[purplenanny]

Best of luck HB, hope the results are good. You deserve some good news

PN x x

[babyjane]

I totally agree and you will be in my thoughts today.  I also hope I didn't overstep the mark with my comments about my grandmother xx