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[SueRoe]

Has anyone else found themselves with a complete lack of libido? I love my husband dearly and he's been so patient with our lack of sex but I don't think he can wait for ever, poor guy, and I don't think he understands that it's not him it's sex that I don't want. Quite frankly I'd rather do the ironing than get all hot and sweaty in the bedroom (or anywhere else for that matter). Is it "normal" to lose all interest in sex at this time of our lives? And do we re-gain interest when we (eventually) come out the other side?   

[CLKD]

Yep.  Nope.  I lost my libedo 17 months in our marriage.  We've had to use ways and means, now to stop my guilt I go with the flow and often I feel 'good' enough to enjoy it.  Your husband will never understand so in order to stop guilt and all the whys and wherefores, you need to get on with it.  Use lots of lube, lay back and think of ………. George Clooney?

[Ju Ju]

Your husband sounds as lovely as mine. Communication is vital, so that he knows it's not about him. I started to avoid close contact as I couldn't face intercourse. By talking, we decided to take sexual intercourse off the menu, enabling me to be physically loving without fear of leading on him on. This has made a huge difference and we are so much closer. My testosterone levels are very low and I have been using testosterone alongside HRT, but as yet this has not made any difference. I have been using the minimum amount, but have upped it, so we shall see.

[Limpy]

Freda - It might be worth printing the advice for husbands thread

[gilaray]

Absolutely normal to lose libido during meno. Mine went completely. It does return though but it takes a while

[Taz2]

How old were you gilaray when your's returned? Is there still hope for me at 60?? 

Taz x

[CLKD]

…….. mine didn't return but by using soft porn, imagination etc. 

[warwick01]

Hi

With me it's about how I feel about my body. I have put 2 stone on over the last few years. This has made me feel unattractive, therefore I don't want sex.....

Last February I lost a little weight and I started to feel attractive, this made me feel sexy again. I have put that weight on again so I'm back on my diet. Also without being too personal I always think I'm a bit wiffy (always cleansing myself) this is something I read is quite common during meno.

I do think men need sex more than women and so buy some sexy undies, get defluffed, sexy music and a bottle of wine and think of ??

Remember sex drive is all about imagination, so use it

Good luck W

[Taz2]

We had this conversation also on another thread. Was it "to do it or not to do it"? Interesting subject anyway. Difference between loss of libido and loss of orgasmic capabilities makes a difference too.

Taz x

[dulciana]

But save the bottle of wine until after, otherwise back to square one!

[CLKD]

Mine was hormonal because at certain times of the month I was rampant 

[tiger74]

Your husband will never understand

This sounds like a very judgemental statement.  You don't know this person, he may understand, given time. 

you need to get on with it. 

lay back and think of ………

I feel I've been transported back to the Victorian era.  Are these suggestions supposed to be helpful and supportive? Really?   

[Taz2]

It does sound odd if you haven't experienced that sometimes, in order to keep our much loved husbands/partners happy, even if we are getting absolutely no sexual stimulation or interest from making love we do have to just get on with it in order to show them our love so the "lay back and think of George Clooney" is one way of trying to stimulate sexual appetite. It is not an easy thing to do but necessary. It is so sad when all sexual feeling is lost even though you still love the person so deeply and not something that many men will understand. I have had a lot of experience in both of how I feel  and also of how the husbands of women who no longer seem to want them feel too.

I'm sure CLKD didn't mean it to be taken in a helpless little woman context.

Taz x

[Ju Ju]

My husband and I are proof that you can have a fulfilling, loving relationship without sexual intercourse, for the last few years. We are intimate, but to quote my husband sexual intercourse would be the icing on the cake, but he's not hankering after it. Now if the testosterone works......now that would be interesting!

[Limpy]

Your husband will never understand

This sounds like a very judgemental statement.  You don't know this person, he may understand, given time. 

you need to get on with it. 

 lay back and think of ………

I feel I've been transported back to the Victorian era.  Are these suggestions supposed to be helpful and supportive? Really?   

Think CLKDs just saying it like she's found it.

My OH said he understood when I went off things, didn't stop him feeling hurt and frustrated.
Being supportive goes two ways, applies to us in respect of husbands as well.