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[groundhog]

Hi HB - I can completely relate to what you are saying and sympathise wholeheartedly .  My mother is 75 and I had a brain haemorrhage 2 years ago.  Leading up to the BH she smoked and didn't look after herself.  She refused to the blood pressure tabs as they made her ill.  My sister is 14 years younger than me and my mother used to help her with her then very young children.  The BH came out of the blue and she is now disabled and slightly brain damaged.  The bulk of the caring has fallen on me - although she does have carers 3 times a day - I do everything else.  I get no thanks whatsoever and all she talks about is my sister.  Food for my mother has also been a problem but now she gets M&S ready meals too which she tolerates as she is very very fussy with food.  I have chronic ill health as I have mentioned before ( sorry !). And I find it a massive strain.  My husband is sick of me moaning and I am sick of me moaning about it too.  But it is hard she you get no thanks.  My mother waits for my visits and no one else really goes out of their way .  She expects to be taken out 3/4 times a week and I just cannot do it.  So glad we can have a chat about this on here - it doesn't seem so bad when you feel you aren't the only one.
Xx

[CLKD]

A person can only care for another less able if they are well themselves!

[Milliemoo7]

oh dear HB, the situation with your mum doesnt get any better does it?

It's a shame you cant escape from it all but realistically you are doing much more than the basics. 

[countrybumpkin]

I worked at a Dr surgery quite a few years ago and there was a single middle aged lady who cared for her mother. The surgery had alot of contact with them because of the mother who was bed bound and her daughter did everything because her mother would not have carers in

Two weeks after her mother died the daughter came to the surgery for an appt and she was a few weeks later diagnosed with terminal womb cancer   She lived for just under a year.  I had a very long chat with her one day and she said her only regret was that she had spent the last 10 years of her life caring for her mother who she didn't even like much!!  What could I say. She felt it was her duty, it was so so sad.

What I am trying to say is do your best within your limitations but don't totally sacrifice your life , be a bit selfish and think of yourself without guilt because no one knows whats in the future. sorry this is not a happy post.

[honeybun]

I guess I am lucky that I share the care with my sister. We are not the closest but we do give each other support. We also appreciate that our days away from her are very important. If it was just down to one person then I doubt either of us could cope at the level we do now.

My hubby is protective and his support is great. He is very good at letting things just pass over whereas I am more sensitive to things. He is forever telling me I do more than my best and if mother is not satisfied then that's just too bad.
I enjoy my days off and to be honest try not to give her or her daft demands a thought.


Honeyb
x

[Rowan]

  HB for a job well done.

[Joyce]

I think you're doing a great job HB! I sure would never have had the patience with my mum. When I left home I was happy to visit & even looked after her a couple of months after giving birth. Took DD, pram, the lot to her house to look after her. But, she turned on me during that visit & I never ever forgave her. She still had all her marbles then too.

[honeybun]

We can love them CG, doesn't mean to say we have to like them.

I took hubby with me this morning. He dropped me off and then came back later. She is wary of him so is on her best behaviour  . Actually she was fine today which is often the way after a tantrum. Long may it last.


Honeyb
x

[bev567901]

HB My first thought was M & S she can't complain of the quality from there surely. As for Aldi we are all savvy shopping nowadays. I am still a bit suspicious of some of their stuff but I am a convert & it is better quality than some other supermarkets that have been around longer. I bet if Aldi had been around 30 yrs ago she would have been converted too. I take my hat off to you, I could not be so selfless. Stick to you guns you know it is right. B xxx

[CLKD]

How is she now you are back? Interested at all in your holiday?