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[honeybun]

Just have to vent and hubby is fed up listening.

As many of you know I "do" for my 91yr old mother. I do the washing ironing, basically everything and I also cook and freeze meals for her. I cook at home and take the meals down to go in her freezer. I have been told by her today that the quality of the meat and chicken that I buy is not up to her standard as she really wants better quality.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I do simple old fashioned stuff for her. Mince and potatoes, stews, macaroni, roast chicken and fish.
I get most of my stuff from Morrison's and my chickens from Aldis. It's not up to her standard. She wants her meat bought from a better quality place and I have to take it to her house to cook so she can see what she is getting.
I have said no.
If she is not happy with what I provide then she will have to make other arrangements.
She is telling me in not so many words that what I feed my family on is rubbish.
I am hurt and angry.
It's not possible to cook such small quantities at her house and I have all the other stuff to do as well.
Hubby is muttering about enough being enough and she is going too far this time.

Sorry but I needed to get that off my chest.


Honeyb
x

[Rowan]

HB I don't know what to say you must be your wits end.

Your mum is so lucky to have a daughter like you who will do all that you do, and cook her meals too. I have seen adverts on TV for meals to be delivered to old people, perhaps you could say that if she is not happy with meals you provide that maybe she should pay for that kind of service.

Not sure what else to suggest HB but I do think its time you started to put your foot down and let your feelings known to her.

[countrybumpkin]

I sympathise. I shared a big house with my mother in law most of my married life and about 7 years ago I became her carer, I too was having to cook her main meal in an evening.  She didn't like what we ate so I had to cook seperate and it had to be at a certain time as well.   In the end I bought her a microwave and gave her two catalogues of nutritionally balanced meals for oldies and she chose what she wanted and heated them herself in the microwave.  she did this for  2 years until having to go into a care home 18 months ago.
I used Wiltshire Farm Foods and Oakhouse Foods, maybe send for their catalogues and present them to her

[bramble]

I think I agree with your husband HB - enough is enough. Use this as an opportunity to stop the meal service - you are doing enough as it is. Get her a Wiltshire catalogue - their meals are excellent and come in different portion sizes. And they do all the 'old fashioned ' stuff as well. No excuses - and don't allow her to back down.
Good luck.
Bramble

[CLKD]

My Mum uses Wiltshire Farm foods, the Company has a dietician for advice and the man delivers every fortnight.  Money on arrival.  He puts it into the freezer too but of course, Mum has to unload it all after he has gone   

Enough!  Is it that her taste buds have 'gone' so she isn't enjoying her food?  If she has had a cold or trouble with her mouth ………….  But don't put ideas into her head  .  I would be too hurt to be bothered any more, no one steps on me twice!

[honeybun]

This all stems from sis and I increasingly doing more shopping in Aldis. She thinks it's where poor people shop and that the quality must be rubbish. It's a lot of nonsense. A lot of people shop smart these days and I do get a lot of things there but not meat just chicken.
She seems to think the more you pay the better it is. I don't understand as when I was a child we never had much money.
There is nothing much wrong with her except old age. Her digestive system is not great and things have to be plain and simple for her stomach to be able to cope.

I try so bloody hard to please but it never works. We have presented her with brochures before but she refuses to even look or consider. She can't cook for herself so I am stuck having to provide something. I talked to my sis who used to cook for her and she has said she is not prepared to take it on again as mother did not like her cooking either. I have said that if she wants to buy expensive ingredients then I will cook them in my kitchen but not hers.
I am between a rock and a hard place with this.

I told her today that we would all come to see her on Mother's Day but I would not be house working. I thought she would be pleased to hear her grand kids were coming. I was asked if I thought her house could go from Friday to Tuesday with no housework being done. Well yes 

I just give up.


Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

But you don't do you: give up?

Have a chat with your GP or Social Services asking what people living alone do for food when they cannot cook for themselves.  Is there Meals on Wheels any more?  That way you are fore-armed! and should she begin bleating again I would suggest to her that as she is no longer happy with your cooking that she will have to employ someone to cook in her kitchen with the ingredients she thinks are better! 

Perhaps your children could do the visit on Sunday?  You and DH could have a well deserved rest! 

Of course, some may mourn getting older so nothing will ever by 'right' …….. others have bad habits and moan naturally  ……. your Mum knows how to push you buttons 

Mine has narcacisstic personality disorder so would never believe nor agree that anything she says or does 'hurts' anyone, the day Dad was buried she told my sister "Only I am mourning in this house" ………

[honeybun]

No CLKD I don't.

My conscience won't let me. 


Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

HB, enough is enough. You're going to end up having not so nice memories of your mum, because she's wearing you down.

How about her chosing stuff from somewhere like M&S. Maybe that would be more to her taste. Microwave, or ovenable stuff she can heat up.  Mind you that would mean a trip to your nearest branch, not overly sure which is your nearest branch.

Won't be easy, but you need to be firm. Tell her you will sort out Wiltshire Foods or wherever to get her meals from.

I agree get your two to visit her on Sunday, so you can rest. You're a mum too, so it's your Mother's Day too.

[CLKD]

   Cubagirl.  I found the more I said 'no' the easier it became.  Now I don't have any guilt about current situations ……… I have stopped sending presents to family for various reasons, cards are OK …….. I visit when I feel I am able ……… Husband Comes First 

[ariadne]

HB, does your husband ever come with you when you "do" for your Mum and if so, does she still behave so badly towards you? If she doesn't then that means she knows jolly well what she's doing. Would a word or even a look from him stop her in her tracks?

I'm sure a lot of it is because she's frustrated at the decline in her health and ability to get around but instead of complaining, she ought to be very grateful for the wonderful care you give her.

I've started shopping at Aldi myself and I have found their meat is rather nice. Keep a Morrison's container and stick the Aldi meat in it 

Chin up, you can't do more than you are already doing

Ariadne xx

[honeybun]

 

It's just so difficult as she can swing from evil to being vulnerable in a heart beat.

She would not dare say the things she does in front of my hubby. She does not see much of him as he finds her difficult.
I do have to go on Sunday. No choice really.

She has been told that my sis will now do the majority of her food shop in M&S.

Sorted.


Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

That's good. At least you know M&S food is good quality. My mum was persuaded to purchase easy heated up stuff from there. That way we knew she was having decent food.

As for Sunday, remember to just visit HB.  My mum was never nasty when anyone else was around, only 1 - 1 with me. Heck I hope I don't go that way!

[honeybun]

I have given my kids my full permission. to shoot me if I do 

She has occasionally slipped in company and had a go at me. I just leave the room. The state of her memory now means that by tomorrow although she will remember a little of what she said it won't all be there. My hubby says that my mother has selective memory loss as and when it suits her. He is not her biggest fan.

It's a shame it's like this now as I don't feel close to her at all any more. I have to really remind myself that most of the time she can't help it. I really don't want to live to that age.

Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

It really is hard when memory fails. I have neighbour who now is in a care home. Her husband is home alone, quite upset that it has come to this. He  has been subjected to her sharp tongue on many an occasion.She on the other hand has a gentleman friend who she's been seen out & about with. Hubby & I pray this never happens to us. We feel so sorry for her hubby.