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[dulciana]

Our daughter (age 26) is living in the south of England while we're in southern Scotland.  She's pretty highly strung, like her Dad.  She's had a number of things not going quite right recently (through no fault of her own) and this has upset her on and off since before Christmas.  If she were a more level-headed girl, I feel she'd be able to ride these mini-storms  more comfortably, but she's not.  I find it so difficult to help her when she's so far from home, although I do try.   When life isn't so stressful for her, she's actually quite happy-go-lucky.  But if something turns out negatively for her or not the way she had anticipated, she either starts to spiral downwards or goes into quite a panic.   She never actually hits rock bottom, or goes completely out of kilter, but I wish I could help her stay calm and a bit more positive when these things happen.   Is there a technique, or a website, or a book or anything that could maybe be helpful to her?  Her boyfriend is much calmer than her and can't always understand why things get to her so much.   Has anyone got any ideas?  Thanks.
D.

[CLKD]

Be prepared.  Get her to go round the property and sort out where simple things are: like the fuse box, stop cock, spare light bulbs; have trades people telephone numbers to hand, also GP/Dentists/Vets. (what ever is required).  AgeUK in some areas have lists of trades people who are reliable.  Plumbers, electricians etc..  Make sure that the pantry/freezer etc. don't run down and that she always has tins of grub so that a meal is to hand. 

What sorts of issues upset her the most?  I am a worrier  and soon get into a state.  A sprung radiator pouring water through the ceiling or the fish getting stuck into the pond pump are 2 that spring to mind 

Could she go to an evening course for plumbing/electrics etc. so that she is more prepared?  Doing a Course may make her feel more in control.   There are books in the Libraries and B&Q used to run day courses to teach household skills.

[dulciana]

On a practical level, she's okay, really.  What's been going wrong for her has been little out-of-the-blue events of the kind that life throws at you.  These then turn into huge issues for her that cloud everything else until whatever-it-is is solved.   It's when she's got something she can wrestle over and over with in her mind that the problems start.   I suppose I'm a bit like that - I tend to over-think about things that other people can take in their stride.    I'd like to see her let go a bit more about things, because goodness knows - if she's like this now, what's she going to be like when she gets to our lovely stage in life?  If she lived nearer to us, I'd go round and give her a big hug...........often.

[Joyce]

Maybe some form of relaxation class, like yoga, where they teach breathing techniques. I used to find Pilate's quite relaxing.  Maybe a friend could go with her to help encourage her. I'd suggest DVDs of yoga & pilates but that might not be an option for her.

I'm a dreadful worrier & can stress out over stuff. I tend to walk away, so that I can calm down & think things through reasonably.

I know what it's like to have family living far away. We're in northern Scotland & daughter & her family in the Midlands. We Skype a lot. Would that be possible for you & your daughter. Often better when you can actually see someone, rather than speaking on the phone.

[dulciana]

Mmm.  She has done a bit of yoga in the past.  Maybe I'll suggest that to her.  Skyping could certainly be good, too.  Thanks Cubagirl and CLKD - between the practical and emotional, I'll hopefully be able to calm her down a bit!
 

[Hattie]

There is a book called 'Mindfulness - peace in a frantic world' by Williams & Penman which may help her - it has a cd with it. A family member has used it with some success after it was recommended by a professional counselor.
You can also get apps for the modern phones for mindfulness to help relax you, maybe last thing at night so that you sleep.

Hattie

[Greyhoundgal]

My son was a bit like that over a year ago and no amount of help or talking seemed to do any good.  In the end I suggested he perhaps saw a counsellor as I was at my wits end - he took my advice, saw a very nice man who helped him enormously (mostly by reassuring him that all his thoughts and actions were quite normal) and so far he hasn't looked back.  Might be worth a try?

[honeybun]

My daughter is a bit high maintenance as well. She over thinks things and then gets in a flap. When things are going well then all is fine but even a little thing like feeling unwell then it goes down hill fast. She is only 19 and I hope she grows out of it if only a bit.

Some people are just wired that way. It's part of their personality and although coping techniques can be learned the personality remains the same.


Honeyb
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[dulciana]

Thanks so much, everyone.  You've given me such a lot of helpful advice and support here.  I'll be using it.

Dulciana
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