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[honeybun]

Don't know if any of you remember me talking about my aunt in the past. That would be the Jehovah's witness that had the accident and broke her hip.

Well fast forward about six months. She is now living at home but has vascular dementia.
She has taken to calling my mother and accusing both her and my sister of stealing from her. This has been going on for a good few months but in recent days both mother and sister have been getting upward of ten calls a day each. Sister ignores but is upset because my aunt is telling anyone who will listen that she is a thief which is upsetting.
My aunt also says she is going to call the police.
I want my sister to call my aunts GP if the calls do not stop.

I have always taken a very big back seat with this aunt so I am not involved directly and don't intend to change that in any way.

Any advice ladies.


Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

Does your mum or sister have caller ID, whereby they could ignore calls from your aunt?

Dementia can do some terrible things to people's brains and hopefully many folk will realise that your aunt cannot help herself.

Not sure what GP would do, but it wouldn't do any harm keeping him/her informed as to your aunt's deteriorating state of mind.

Not sure if that helps or not HB.

[Mrs January]

Hi honeybun

I agree with the last post, Maybe also if Aunt has  social worker allocated to her case let them know too, or else her caseworker. It could just make the professionals aware in in case owt else happens.

Lotsa hugs:)

[Taz2]

My mum had vascular dementia and often accused neighbours, friends and family members (me included) of stealing from her. I'm not sure what the GP can do Honeybun but it would be good to have something down in writing as to what is happening. My neighbour was the same, although that was Lewy-body dementia, and was frequently accusing people and shouting through their letterboxes.

Anyone dealing with dementia in the family has my utmost sympathy. What are they accused of stealing?

Taz x

[honeybun]

My aunt has care workers in four times a day and they seem to know what's going on, at least I think they do.
When she came home from hospital she told my mother and sister she did not want to see them again and the Jehovah's witnesses would look after her.
They have been accused of stealing money, dishes, cutlery, sheets, and jewellery.
Fortunately she does not have my phone number and I think she has forgotten I exist.
My sister has been in touch with members of my aunts church but no one seems to be prepared to try and help. I think they are scared of being accused to.
I feel so sorry for her but I know it's a bad idea to try and talk to her as I think I would just confuse her more.

Talking to her social worker is a good idea and I will pass that on.
Dementia is a truly awful thing.


Honeyb
x

[Taz2]

I found with my mum that if I joined her in her "world" and apologised then she calmed down. There is no point in arguing because the demented brain just can't cope with the normal way of understanding things.

The carers should have a system of recording any accusations made. My mum attacked one of her morning carers because he looked like one of the antique show people on the telly who she didn't like. She also pushed me down the stairs yelling "When my daughter (me) gets here you'll be for it". It's sometimes very difficult to find humour in such a situation but it was that which kept me going.

Taz x

[littleminnie]

Could your mum and sister block her number, that way your mum won't get upset and your Aunt might stop doing it if she can't get through?

[honeybun]

I have told mum not to answer the phone. The problem is although it has been explained to her many times she just does not understand that her sister just can't help it. She is 91 and her grasp of things is uncertain at best.
She thinks she can reassure her and make things right, but of course she can't.

It's a sad situation. They never see one another now because of what my aunt has requested. My sister is taking most of the flack here and although she understands what is happening it does not make it any easier to deal with.
None of the rest of the extended family will go near her because of things that have happened in the past.

Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

It is important that you and your sister speak with or meet with the carers.  Carers too need to be protected.  If they are aware then they can take steps to protect themselves during their working day.  They may know that she is making these calls - are they present when your Aunt uses the 'phone?  Her GP needs to know so that any medication can be adjusted.

Some brain damage causes the person to lose inhibitions.  Things they wouldn't have said or done are no longer taboo, M in L was the same - seemed like she had stored up all the anger and let it go when the brain tumour took hold