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[Dorymai]

Hi Ladies,
Maybe it's just me but considering my experience to date of this perimenopause/menopause thing and also reading the experiences of you lovely ladies on here, how come I was so ignorant and unprepared for it! Why are we not educated about what will/may happen in later life? We are told in school about the changes that will take place as we reach puberty etc but nothing about this! In my experience a little bit of knowledge would  have helped me and my hubby to understand what was going on sooner than we did. Or do we just have to experience it and get on with it?  I even think there is a degree of taboo in even talking about it (except on here of course!) for example, a colleague of mine said his wife would murder him if she found out he had told me she was suffering with hot flushes! Why?

I feel better for getting that off my chest, so rant over and out! 

X
 

[Chrislm]

Dorymai, I have said exactly this  many times. There is almost an eye rolling attitude towards the menopause, as though it is something many women just use as an excuse to moan.

For me, the biggest shock was how early it starts for most women. I thought the menopause 'happened' at about 55 for most women - until I got to about 47 and started to notice changes happening to me. I felt really ashamed and embarrassed about if, even though I am normally completely I embarrassed about all bodily things! I thought I was too young and that I was ageing prematurely. When I did start to mention it to my friends however, most, except a few who were on the pill, were starting to experience exactly the same things.

I now make a point of being completely open about. I tell people, including male colleagues that I am taking HRT. I tell people how it is impacting on my sport - and it is interesting how many people are delighted to be able to respond with their own experiences, or that of their wives or mums.

So less of this is needed

[Dorymai]

Hi Chrislm,

I too thought 'something' may happen in my mid 50s but here I am at 48 having suffered 'weird' stuff for the past 18 months, which I now realise is meno related. I can't get over how it is messing with my head and turned me into a creaky old woman and all so quickly too! This site has really helped me and I keep reading out comments from posts on here to my hubby saying, 'look see it's not just me' or 'that could be me writing that'! I can't believe how something so life changing is treated as 'normal' and kept so low key. I want to shout about it and I will most definitely be educating both my daughter and son!

[Joyce]

Few of us were prepared. Most my mum told me was periods would stop - hooray, may get some flushing.  As I suffered from monthly cramps the thought of never having periods again was very appealing, I can tell you. However, that did not prepare me in the slightest.  It is a huge taboo, even in this day & age. My daughter is in her early 30s, but doesn't want to know the details. I still witter on about it though, she's going to be menopausal just as her two girls hit puberty.
I have got off lightly, in that I had hysterectomy in my mid 30s. GP put me on HRT. Been on it for ages, though I did have 8 month break which was truly awful.

[Taz2]

Would we have believed it though? None of the younger women I work with - in their forties - want to know. They still believe that HRT is something that weak people use and that they will get through by  mind over matter. We have had quite a lot of conversations about it but they still feel that I "gave in" to HRT. Now that I am off it and they can see the effect on me of not taking it they are beginning to ask a few more questions!

My mum had a year of HRT in 1970 and when she stopped the dreadful sweats never came back so I  hoped I would be the same. I wasn't very sympathetic to her I must admit.

Taz x

[Chrislm]

Again, this is exactly what I thought Dorymai. The effects are so significant for so many otherwise healthy women that it feels completely wrong. Why would nature make such a bad mistake?

I can remember not wanting to know the details when I was your daughter's age cubagirl. In fact I didn't really pay much attention until my own hormone levels started to change a year ago.

When I did give it any thought  I just assumed that because I have always been so fit and healthy that I would breeze through. After all, most advice seemed to tell women going through the menopause to take exercise and eat well. I did both of these so I wasn't worried. HA!

It still really winds me up when I see information urging women going through the menopause to take exercise and eat well. Everybody should take exercise and eat well. The advice might just as well urge us to keep breathing and not put our hands in the fire. Menopause symptoms are indiscriminate and can affect fit women, unfit women, women with and without other health issues equally. 

[ann123]

Totally I agree, I didn't know vaginal dryness was the menopause, we nearly split up due to this, I feel stupid about it now! For me it started around 45, so I didn't give it a thought!

[toffeecushion]

I definitely wasn't prepared.  I just assumed that I would get a couple of hot flushes and then my periods would come to a stop.  How wrong was I?  Nobody told me I would have periods that lasted months.  When I mentioned to my mum that I thought I was starting my menopause a year ago she said that it wont happen until I was 55. 55?  I ask you, I didn't stand a chance of being prepared.

So glad I found this site.

[Chrislm]

Has the average age of the menopause been coming down? Do we know?

When I told my mum last year, she rather unkindly pointed out that it used to be 'women who were ancient' that went through the menopause!

[toffeecushion]

I don't know if the age has come down but I think we are starting to talk about it more.

Maybe we are the lucky generation, we are able to talk about the way we feel unlike when our mums were going through it.

We must go forward and talk about the menopause with our daughters, and sons.  It is natural and nothing to be embarrassed about.  If my mum could have talked about her menopause to me when she was going through it I think it would have been easier for me.

I wish I was better prepared.

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.
I agree totally with everything that has been said. Even at 50 I didn't consider that hormones might be contributing to my problems, how stupid was I! Since then however it feels like I mention menopause with every breath and my family and friends certainly know all about it but I'm not sure I'd be so confident and honest with people if it wasn't for the great help and support from women on this site. This forum has truly helped me at a difficult time and long may it continue.
Best wishes ladies.
K.

[Dana]

I suppose us experienced ones should talk about it more to younger women, but would they listen, or even think it applied to them?  I know I certainly wouldn't have listened. It's a sign that you're getting old(er) and no one wants to admit to that, and most people think “it won't happen to me” anyway.

I was totally unprepared too. I was convinced that all that happened in menopause was that you got hot flushes, because that's all anyone (men and women) makes jokes about. No one ever told me that my insomnia would be so debilitating that I would go for days on end with no sleep at all, and that I would end up taking diazepam (which I am still tapering off). I was also totally convinced that I would never take HRT because I'd been conned into believing it was "dangerous".

How do we change all this?  I honestly don't know, because often times other women can be our worst enemies. I found that with my own friends. Most of them (according to them) never suffered at all, so I was made to feel like a freak because I suffered so much.

It's just so typical that issues that women have to deal with are often downgraded, but if a man suffers erectile dysfunction that's a completely different and very serious thing. However, I definitely can't complain about my GP. She has been wonderful.

[anna123]

What a great post

I'm 39 and recently been diagnozed with POF and put on HRT. I have no one to talk about it to except on here. My mother says she went through an early menopause but 'sailed through' it. I am sceptical about that tbh and think she is more of the generation that just got on with things without complaining-stiff upper lip and all that 

My sister is 10 years older than me and starting to have irregular periods. I asked her if she had been to doc and she just says 'what's the point' it's a normal thing to go through.

Thank goodness for the internet so we can talk to each other about these things and have easy access to great information 

[toffeecushion]

I spoke to my mum about my symptoms yesterday and she is still convinced that I am too young to be going through the menopause.  I am 47 and have missed one period and have now been bleeding for 32 days along with anxiety, mood swings, palpitations and what I believe to be hot flushes.  She insisted that with a hot flush you have to be dripping with sweat or it isn't a hot flush, so maybe it wasn't a hot flush .  She's not very supportive

[anna123]

toffeecushiom-I also thought hot flushes lasted ages and had you dripping insweat. I've since learned that it's not the case. Mine are fleeting  and last seconds. It feels like when you are embarrassed or caught out at something,you heart races and you start to blush badly from neck chest and face, feeling really hot . It just happens for no reason though. My doc said these are hot flushes though not had one since starting HRT