I thought that heading would get your attention.
That is what a female doctor told me a couple of months ago.
In a longish "nutshell" this is my life so far.
I am mixed race and only know my white side of the family tree. My mother, grandmother and aunt all hat HRT replacement as they had their uteruses and ovaries removed due to some cancerous growths. These days they would probably not do this but it was the 70's and 80's in those days. So there is no point in asking them how they coped through the menopause as they never had one as such.
I will be 48 in a few weeks time.
It all started about 2 years ago. First the hot flushes, a lot all day and all night. Not able to sleep. Not helped by the fact that hubby snores like an electric saw. Putting on the weight as well even though I was quite active and did not eat a lot. My periods were still there as before. I have always had very, very heavy and painful periods. To put it in perspective, when I had my kids 25 & 27 years ago I did it without any pain relief. I could not understand the fuss about the birthing pain as it was more painful for me to have my monthlies than giving birth.
I go through a large packet of pain killers every month, otherwise I could not take the pain. I should have invested in shares with tampax and the ilk, going through packets each month. I had some accidents where I sat and got up and literally flooded. That was so embarrassing at the time. The only positive was that it was regular like clockwork, exactly every 28 days, so I could plan ahead. Later on it moved a little by a day or two, which was inconvenient as I had to take days off work. There was no way I could work and have the period at the same time, also as I had irritable bowels. I also got the mood swings before and the migraines thereafter. I also got the middle pain when the ovaries "spawned" the eggs. Could hardly walk at times. So the idea of going into menopause kept me going as the doctors refused to remove the uterus. They kept telling me that I may want to have more kids. Hmmm.... dont think so, otherwise I would have had them already.
So 2 years ago I had the hot flushes for a good 6 months, then I missed a period. Happy days me thinks. I had a few "emotional" breakdowns or temper tantrums as well. Whilst on the return flight from holiday I nearly fainted. It just washed over me this feeling and I thought I would burn up. I was in a third world country and there was no way I would end up on the floor in the airport. So I just gritted teeth and powered through.
Went to see a couple of doctors, the blood tests, everything seems OK, just anaemic, which I get treated for already, slightly raised cholesterol. Then nothing, everything went back to normal for a good 6 months.
Then the hot flushes started again, more intense than ever before. I used to be the person running around in a jumper in the height of summer (probably due to being anaemic). Now I can sit here with a t-shirt and still feel hot. I do not have problems with wrinkles, but do with skin blemishes and feel like a pimply teenager again. My last period was in August and I am having one right now. Its been going for 6 days now.
I had to give up my job in June. I could no longer work. I was quite aggressive and short tempered. Due to me being a contractor they let me go as my contract came to an end anyway. I was not upset, because the summer had just started and I was becoming depressed working in a dark grey office whilst the sun was out there. I am an emotional mess though. I am trying hard to not show it.
I used to lead a team of 20. My memory is totally shot. I did not know the answers to the most simple questions. I go round circles and seem to obsess about stuff and other things I could not care less about. The youngsters ran rings around me. It was really funny as I could clearly see that one of the young ones was gunning for my job. But I did not care, inbetween my hot flushes and feeling depressed about being there in the first place.
And I am so slow. I used to be so fast when working with the computers and software. Now I have to write everything down. The other thing is that subjects I used to be passionate about, I could care less about, but obsess about other meaningless stuff. I know I have a mild case of OCD, but sometimes I really have to reign myself in.
The last few years I was able to save money for a rainy day, also the kids are self sufficient even though they still live with us. So I thought take a couple of months off and see how you get on. Well I am not getting on well. So I thought I find myself a part time job. However no one wants me it seems. But then these are difficult times for all kinds of people. I did go for an interview and had my first anxiety attack. If the person interviewing me had not come out that moment I would have stood up and fled the premises.
I have the flushes, my bones creak, especially the knees. I then had my left thumb freeze up and get still. One of my caring doctors said its age and arthritis. Yeah right I thought. So went to a private clinic, had an xray done. Carpal tunnel syndrome. I received a steroid injection into the thumb joint and now wear braces at night as I had pins and needles in both my arms every morning waking up was a painful experience. The metal in the brace stops the hand and wrist from curling up. My thumb went back to normal size and I can use it again. Sometimes when I get really intense flushes I can feel my thumb throbbing. If it gets bad again I will try the injections again. If it will not work then I will have to get it operated. The specialist said the changes in my body MAY have triggered it but I should not fret about it. Easier said than done.
My other BIG problem is that I am losing my hair. First I had this one big round patch on the left side which I could cover up. At first I thought it was ringworm. But the doctors said no. Then the hair started to regrow in the patches, but coming back white. I have round patches all over in various sizes. So far I can cover them up wearing a ponytail style. But my hair is also thinning out. Each time I brush my hair the brush is full. I also know this as I used to only be able to wrap the hair band around my hair once, now I can do it three times. The docs said its alopecia. Nothing one can do. If this continues I will be bald by January/February. I think I should start to look at wigs.
I then had this idea to turn my hobby into a business so started attending a night course 2 days a week. Its more intensive than I thought. I am fretting that I may not remember everything for the exams in February and June next year.
Being with my husband is still working so no issues there. But I do have times where I have a couple of weeks of discharge like a very very mild bleeding and I did have two urinary infections. The doc says its due to the changes and not much I can do about this.
I am sure there is more stuff but I cannot remember. The worst is waking up some days and having no energy to do anything. If I could just stay in bed I would not get up at all. I feel like I have run a marathon and I am totally knackered.
I feel frustrated that the doctors do not want to give me anything to help me through this. They are trying to make me feel bad saying that others have it worse than I do. The wanted to give antidepressants. There is no way I will take those. Its the crazy hormones that need to be reigned in.
I tried herbs, the Chinese Doctors with their herbs and pills, massages, sport, and generally trying to live healthy. I even stopped eating chocolate (my vice) and reduced my coffee intake drastically from 5/6 cups to 2 a day. Actually I need the coffee to get going in the morning.
Sorry for the long moan.
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Topic: Get over it. Its natural, every woman has this. You are not special! (Read 12072 times)