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[wittsend]

Hi everyone ,
 I am 51 and I have been on Kliofem for coming up 4 months . Main reason I went on them was for hot sweats and both my sisters had been on them and had no problems .
I have not had any problems with Kliofem my problem is I am just not interested in sex in any shape or form I don't even want my husband to cuddle me or kiss me ... is this normal I am getting to the point of thinking perhaps its not the menopause that it might be I just fallen out of love with him , but when I think about life without him I really get upset and couldn't imagine it .
He is quite good but we have only been married 2 years been together almost 5 years and we have gone from the honeymoon period to nothing ... so I do try to have sex but he knows my heart isn't in it it is just what it is sex and not loving at all .. on my part he is just glad of anything ..ha ....
Is no sex drive part of the menopause ? does anyone else feel like this ?? I feel so guilty because I do love him and in my head I want to have sex but my body is just saying no , all I want to do is sleep and be left alone ..
Any advice
 

[CLKD]

Sleep .......... oh for a good night's sleep!

Welcome.  Are you able to sleep in the day-time so that you are up for it in the evening?  I had to make myself join in otherwise the guilt ate me away.  Often when I make myself I find that I wake up and my body becomes interested.  Being not sleepy makes a huge difference, some nights I am far too tired.

Lack of libedo is a common complaint.  But not wanting to cuddle: is this because you fear it will lead to sex ?  if so do explain to your DH that you love him, but you don't want him to think that every cuddle/hug/peck on the cheek is a come-on.  One needs to be straight with our partners so that they don't feel rejected, nor do they jump on us everytime we seem inclined 

[wittsend]

Hi
Thank you for reply  no I don't get chance to sleep during the day as I am self employed and work til 4ish then come home get tea sorted hubby comes home and that's the night . Yes , if im honest that is why I don't want a cuddle I just find it easier to turn on my side away from him and sleep than to cuddle up and say no .. I do explain and he says he understands but the deep sighs say much more than the words he don't say . I will try harder as I want our marriage to last ...

[CLKD]

So talking.  Perhaps arrange a night when you are 'up for it'?  Could you have a sleep in the evening, sometimes that works for me  - otherwise the guilt sets in and ......... men require sex as sex and loving as loving ......... 

[ann123]

I find it easier to have sex in the afternoon...at the weekends. Then I know when we go to bed in the evening there is no expectation to gave sex, we can read and sleep!!!
During the afternoon, we are both much more awake!

[wittsend]

Hi ... thank you for your advice . The poor thing nearly fainted this weekend when I suggested we had a 'nap' lol...  but yes I worked we had a nap , woke up and things happened naturally without me laying there thinking ..oh god here we go .... sounds terrible saying that . So I guess afternoon naps are the new weekend thing 

[CLKD]

Has your OH recovered yet    ....... variety is the spice of Life apparently .......... 

Do you feel easier about finding different times, i.e. less guilt and worry?

[wittsend]

Hi ... yes he has and  yes it definatly helped it took all the pressure off going to bed at night , and this week has been good so far there has been no hanging on the side of the bed so you don't touch eachother  and the weekends will be more fun from now on 

[CLKD]

 

[Evenstar]

A friend recommended I take Evening Primrose oil and starflower oil together to help with loss of labido. I'm not sure if it was a placebo effect but I must say I've been taking them for just over a year now and things have improved dramatically so may be worth a try. xx   I am also 51 and have a much younger other half

[Ju Ju]

Your post took me back a few years. I know I have low levels of testosterone and am experiencing no libido at present. That's another story. I used to want to avoid physical contact, as it would or could lead to sexual intercourse. Now we have taken intercourse 'off the table' and I feel safe to show my affection for my husband. Plenty of cuddles and lovely moments. I found honesty was the answer; my hormones, not how I feel about him. We have a good relationship. I hope this helps.   

[Taz2]

Thanks for that Ju Ju - cuddles are so important. What do you do when the inevitable arises though?

Taz x

[judephf]

I've just joined for exactly this reason/problem ! (I've never used a forum before so bear with me please) Hi folks, I am 51 and in a 3 month relationship and whilst I really wanted to have sex with my boyfriend at the start when we first met, all of a sudden I just don't want it anymore and have no urge for it either though once in a blue moon (once a month ??!) I will feel very turned on and then it's fine. But then that makes it all very much on my terms, which I'm okay with but he's not !
Things blew up on a recent holiday and we practically split up cos he can't understand how I can say I still fancy him but not want to touch him or why I 'flinch' away if he touches me - it's as if I have to programme my body beforehand to expect/accept his touch. So my b'friend now thinks that something must be wrong with him and I try to tell him it's not him, that it is literally me.
My b'friend is convinced I must be seeing someone else, which of course I'm not, because his head is saying to him that if I'm not getting sex from him I MUST be getting it from someone else - but I don't want sex with anyone at all, lol !!!!
He makes constant little jibes at me about my supposed 'other man' all the time and these are really wearing me down to the point that I don't know if I can keep this relationship going any more if he can't understand.
I have sent him a menopause link for him to read but like any male he seemed more interested in the 'solution' (buy sexy underwear and light some candles etc) than the 'problem'.
Like some others on here I do shy away from cuddles too because men don't seem to understand or grasp that cuddling doesn't have to lead to sex and my b'friend does have a high sex drive and I don't. I just don't want to encourage him on any level but maybe I do need to voice that a bit more to him.
This is really screwing my head up cos I've been getting to the point that I think I must be frigid. I've even been to the doctor to talk to her about it so any comments like these are great to read and make me realise that I just might just be a bit more 'normal' than what I'm feeling right now.

[andius]

 I read somewhere recently that women low on estrogen don't want to be touched...ANYWHERE!

I think this is because of where it may lead  .  I have been through your situation.  Husbands can be difficult and don't seem to quite get it, even when they are wonderful otherwise and are told the facts of menopause.  The whole thing is just like "an elephant in the room".  If you do force yourself, sometimes it is better than you think, but it can be depressing dealing with all the personal after effects when you don't feel good anyway.  It is easier to say to yourself, "why bother?"

Go get some hormones, give it time, and see how you feel!

[CLKD]

"though once in a blue moon (once a month) ....... " HORMONES    - I was randy before my period began whereas the remainder of the month I didn't think about it: except to realise that DH wasn't getting it 

If your new man isn't sympathetic maybe this isn't the relationship for you.  If he fails to believe that the problem is hormonal and still thinks that you are 'getting it elsewhere'    ........ you don't need an emotional battle at this time of Life  .. Perhaps print off the instructions for husbands from this Forum?