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[pj44]

Hi all  Just thought id put this out and see what other's feel.

Need to downsize I live in a 3 bedroom housing Association house and have done for 28 years. My children have left home at the moment they all live no more than 25 minutes  away from me though they are starting to move further away now for work.  I also suffer with anxiety/ panic attacks have done for most of my Life, need to be close by my house and can only really go anywhere far if someone takes me usually with one of my children.  Anyway I can do a house swap if I find someone who wants to swap to my place and there is a 2 bedroom maisonette but it's in Leamington spa I live in Birmingham its only 45 minute drive from where I am at the moment but I don't drive very far at all only to my daughters which is about 20 minutes drive away from me so I'm not sure if I would be able to drive over to see them they have said they will all come and visits me and as I will have a spare room grandkids will be able to stay overnight from me but it fill me with terror to go that far or not.  I am on the local council list but they will only let me bid on one bedroom properties and I really wanted a 2 bedroom place so grandkids could come and stay with me.  My family are fine for me to go but I would know nobody and also not have family close by like I have now but Leamington spa is a lovely place to live lots of green open space. I really do not know what to do.  Would love your views

[honeybun]

Have you tried the drive from the prospective new place to your family. Maybe give it a go a couple of times to see if you could manage. I am not a great driver these days but I can drive quiet roads that I know. Don't know if that's possible for you.
I would spend a bit of time in the new town to get a good feel for the place. It maybe just the thing for you and by the sound of things your family will come to you.
Somewhere quieter with green space sounds lovely. It would maybe encourage you to get out a little more.

Good luck with your decision. The government's bedroom tax is up there with the most unfair thing I have ever heard.

Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

Leamington is lovely.  As suggested take a drive over there, on a sunny day as well as in the rain.  How long does the Council allow you to mull over this?  How much would moving cause anxiety levels to rise?  I think too it will depend on whether you have lots of 'stuff' or if you are minimalist, because when I look round our home, starting on our collection of books    ........... I then put off any thoughts of moving 

[littleminnie]

If you got a one bedroom place, could you have a sofa bed in the lounge so they could stay over?

[pj44]

thanks for replies.

Honeybun  at the moment I would not be able to drive over there. I don't  drive anywhere that is new.  Your idea is good though and also to spend time in a place.  I live quite minimalist I have been downsizing things in the house for sometime now.  Council don't give you long but as this is a house swap with another person I can decide if I want to live there or not. Anxiety levels have been dreadful since this bedroom tax has come in and just the thought of moving and all that goes with it is making me a nervous wreak as I just don't know where to go and what if I make the wrong decision I will be stuck there as council wont be in any hurry to rehouse me at the moment as I have a 3 bedroom house to give to them but once moved i will be trapped its all so frightening.  Will i be even more lonely than i am now as anxiety is not suddenly going to leave me i have had it for most of my life.  Though i have worked but just never managed to be able to buy my own house as it has always been me and 3 children to look after there dad left and did not help me. 

Was thinking i would get a sofa bed if got a one bedroom place, 

[honeybun]

Try not to panic. You have been a great mum and your kids are there for you so you are not alone.
Take your time and don't rush your decision. It's very much in your hands and no one can force you to do anything you don't want to.

Honeyb
X

[pj44]

Thanks for that Honeybun. I suppose sometimes you just have to make a decision and hope its the right one. 

[CLKD]

I don't think we ever really know until we have jumped in at the deep end  ........... in your situation I wouldn't move.  If you don't drive far and your children are further away should you move? 

[lily]

When I have to make a big decision, I look for any significancies I can i.e. if you know the address, is the door number a number that already has meaning to you?  When we moved two and a bit years ago, the door number was the same as the date of one of my children's birthdays and the plot number (new build) minus the door number was the age I was at the time and when I moved to a new job earlier this year, the date of the month I started on was the same as my door number and son's birthday.  My previous job had started on the same date as my other son's birthday.  Maybe sounds a bit superstitious and I'm not saying I wouldn't have done these things if the numbers did not mean anything but I just find I always look for this.  I think you will know instinctively if it's right for you when you visit the area - maybe your children will take you and let you know what they think too.

[pj44]

CLKD  I know its all a lot to think over. but as you might know leamington is a nice place unlike where I am at the moment.  Daughter says that perhaps if I go somewhere that is fresh and has no memories of anxiety it might be just what I need. 

Lilly. Family are going to take me to the area and we will have a good look around and i'll see how it feels. 

My family are all thinking of moving. Oldest son and wife have just sold there house and they want to move to warwick as that is where they both work. I know my daughter and her family will move as they are in a small place with 2 growing girls and other son is going nearer to his work which an hours drive away from me at the moment so I suppose they are all moving on.

[CLKD]

Warwick is lovely too!  When do you plan to go for a look-see in Leamington?

Your anxiety will remain.  Sorry but it is what it is.  You may find though that you deal with it differently, pre-empting it so that you cope better with it. 

If you do decide to move perhaps have a course of anti-anxiety medication for 6 months to help?  Then your brain won't be tuned in to anxiety in your new home.

[pj44]

Warwick is lovely just hard to find a swap as who would want to come here when you live in warwick   I totally agree anxiety will come with me I have it for life.

[CLKD]

Let us know when you are going for a look-see in Leamington then we can 'drive' there and back 'with' you 

[pj44]

Will do CLKD  hopefully the person is back from holiday on Friday so might be able to go over the weekend.