Thanks so much honeybun, yes I think I will try relate. I felt so much better after posting, but another cold lunchtime makes me feel I don't know how to go on. It's not just silence, it's a feeling of annoyance or falling out. I think I had more strength when the kids were at home, or when I am with siblings etc., but we need to talk about practicalities, like making ends meet, how we can survive financially, and I feel I am shouldering things on my own. I feel if we could communicate, maybe we could make life fun again, not just survivable, but I'm getting scared of broaching subjects, now, I just can't stand the distant coldness.