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[Farrid]

My Daughter's gone to uni and I feel very sad .

Nothing that anyone tells me makes me feel any better, I.E "she's only an hour drive away", " she'll back before you know it", I've heard them all, but all I want to do is mope around and cry.

  I find myself looking at parents with small kids, and feeling envious of them, and that is so not like me, 'cos small kids irritate me now.

I went to our local park this morning, and wandered around, remembering all the good times we had there

I expected to cry and feel sad, but honestly how I really feel has taken me by surprise, it's almost like a bereavement.

Anyone else felt this???

[Ju Ju]

It is a bereavement and it's ok to feel like this. I read somewhere that feelings have one ambition; to be felt. It will pass. There are joyful times to come, just different. You will in time adjust to this new phase in your life. Your daughter still needs you, but your relationship will change with her independence. I go into a sort of bereavement every time my son goes home to the USA. Thank goodness for technology! He is still my boy and I have a lovely daughter-in-law. I am so grateful to see him happy and fulfilled. I love him and my job is to miss him. My daughter, after being at uni 200 miles away, now lives fairly close and I have the joy of looking after my grandson sometimes. Look after yourself, maybe a treat or 2?

[honeybun]

I could have written this last week. My daughter has also gone to uni and although she travelled last year she is staying this year. She went last Tuesday but has been back over the weekend as she has a little job in our town and also her boyfriend is here.
She goes back in the morning for the week and I am miserable at the thought as I know she does not like it much yet.
We both need to get used to it and I hope the feelings of having an empty house go soon.

 

I am sure there are mum's up and down the country feeling exactly the same as us.   Not that it makes me feel any better. 


Honeyb
X

[Farrid]

Thanks for your replies

It is nice to know that there are other people going through the same.

It is hard though isn't it? 

I'm sure it will get better as time goes on!!!! 

 

[catlady]

Hi
I felt like this when my son left home a year ago, then my daughter has left home
and come back again 3 times, she has a little daughter too so it's been a double whammy for me.

It does get better,  I like the "me" time I get now.
You will adjust in time but it's hard at the start. 

Ann x

[Joyce]

We know it's going to happen, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens. DD went to Uni locally, but had to move after graduating to where her partner could get work. Initially just down the road, just over an hours drive. Then headed to East Midlands. I wept buckets.

[honeybun]

It's what comes next and how to make it happen. I have been a mum for so long I have forgotten how to be anything else. Now I have no one to mother...well not on a daily basis. How do you move on with the next part of your life.
I feel quite discontented. Neither happy nor unhappy just sort of stuck in a rut.
I need a project or a plan but my mind refuses to cooperate and think of anything.


Honeyb
X

[carina]

It's hard to come to terms with.
My daughter emigrated 6 years ago at the age of 40.
Broke my heart and although I try to focus my life on my husband, our sons and grandchildren I have never recovered. I still cry every day.

I hope you feel settled soon.

[rebecca]

Hi Farrid

I could have written the exact mail 3 years ago when my daughters went off to University. It is hard, now in her 4th year and it is still difficult with the goodbye's(you would think I would be used to it!), still cry  , feel such an embarrassment.   
Skype helped a bit because I knew she was happy AND SAFE. I signed myself up for a 12 week evening course which  went on for quite a few years but that gave me something to focus on... also gave me something new to talk about with her.

I had the exact thoughts as you but I tried to find ways of giving those thoughts 30 seconds in my head then I would push them out with another more positive thought.
Small steps at first but in time you will gradually start to fill this huge void, After all, we have had this parenting post for more than 18 years or so! very difficult just to suddenly switch it off... time to find a little of yourself again and what makes you happy. Hope you are more settled soon.................. 

[Dyan]

I was the same 3 years ago when my son went to uni.
I was dreading it and when the day came and we had taken him to uni and said our goodbyes
he just walked off and didn't even look back.
I missed him terribly,although I still had another son and daughter at home.
I got home and went into his bedroom and felt really sad like a part of me had been taken away.
Every time he came home for his holidays then went back again I would still feel the same.
The last time he came home was difficult.
We all had to learn to live with him again.
I wanted him here but it was really hard to adjust to how he had changed.
In the end I had to lay down some ground rules otherwise it wouldn't have been fair on the other two.
It took a while for me to get use to not having him here and then it took a while to get use to having him back again.
I look on that as positive and see it that I'm now use to it and I can honestly say that when we took him to his new uni a couple of weeks ago I felt fine and, dare I say it,relieved 

So time does heal.

Dyan X