If you don't remember her being like this then it is probably more age-related than anything else Honeybun. She would have acted in a self-obsessed way for the whole of your life. I think I have said before that a lot of what is posted about elderly parents seems to be to do with ageing and becoming more dependent on others rather than personality disordeers. We hate being dependent at any age and I noticed with my own parents that as they began to feel they were losing control on their lives - not being able to drive as far as they wanted, needing help with household and garden chores they had always done themselves for instance - then they became more petulant and demanding and very stubborn. Also, as my mum got into her mid-eighties she found it difficult to see that I did have another life and other family members who still needed me.
Maybe your mum is not a narcissist in the true sense of the word but is now showing those traits because of changes due to old age? I don't know if you read this part from the article I posted before?
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Older narcissistic mothers often use the natural limitations of aging to manipulate dramas, often by neglecting their health or by doing things they know will make them ill. Sometimes they will do this by addictions to alcohol or drugs or other obsessions. This gives them the opportunity to cash in on the investment they made when they trained you to wait on them as a child. Then they call you (or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you) demanding your immediate attendance. You are to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. (“Never get old!â€) It's almost never the case that you can actually do anything useful, and the causes of her disability may have been completely avoidable, but you've been put in an extremely difficult position. If you don't provide the audience and attention she's manipulating to get, you look extremely bad to everyone else and may even have legal culpability. (Narcissistic behaviors commonly accompany Alzheimer's disease, so this behavior may also occur in perfectly normal mothers as they age. But, in narcissistic mothers, it is a given.)"
Taz x