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[monsterfromid]

I know I've posted on here a couple of times regarding the bout of depression and anxiety I'm going through. I'm slowly beginning to recover but I'm haunted by the feeling that my life is over, that I haven't achieved my goals, that anything I have achieved is miniscule and pathetic, that the future will be a nightmare of ageing, loneliness, ( I obsess about my partner dying before me) invisibility and increased debility. I'm horrified by what's happening to my face and body and wonder if I'll ever have sex again. I feel so ugly and undesirable and I'm only 47! Is this a phase I have to break through before coming out of the other side?

[Joyce]

Have a  you sound like you need one. I've not had bouts of depression, though I have had short spells of anxiety.  Be kind to yourself. Is your partner supportive?

[CLKD]

This part of Life isn't called 'the change' for nothing.  You won't 'go back' to how you were before.  We need to get our health issues sorted so that we can learn to be more relaxed, to say 'no' more often and gradually these issues will fade.  You have been through difficulties recently, depression can be demoralising.

Little steps.  Make a list of what you would like to achieve!  Where you see yourself in a week's time; in 3 month's time and next year.  You will see that we can't achieve all of that immeidately.  It takes effort to arrange changes.

As for your partner dying, join the Club    .........

[Clovie]

Monsterfromid, I am sending a huge hug.

Your post struck a chord with me - reminded me so much of how I felt when I was in the midst of the progesterone phase of each HRT I'd tried. I am 49 and I too felt all those things you write about 

But - I have logged on here today to post an update (lots of ladies have been kind to me during my struggle with progesterone intolerance) to say I am now on Utrogestan, micronized progesterone , for the prog phase of HRT and I feel absolutely fine!!!!!  (fingers crossed - been on it 10 days now and have felt the awful effects round about day 4/5 on other progs)
Just to say, please do not give up hope, I'm sure there will be a solution to how you're feeling. I know for sure I never want to feel like I did before, and to a lesser extent on my own cycles where I had awful PMT, and am so glad I came across this forum and learned about Utrogestan. 

I'm not sure if you are on HRT? or where you are in your cycle? have you thought you might be intolerant of prog? and yes, I know its not the answer for everyone but worth considering. 

be kind to yourself, keep chatting if it helps - here's another big hug xxx

[monsterfromid]

Hi Clovie (and everyone), I have a Mirena coil acting as the prog part of my HR with estrogen patches (Evorel). The dosage of Evorel is quite high (150) as I was having severe anxiety and flushing several years ago, before the depression hit. The doctor I saw felt I was having severe PMS and the HR would help with that.

[CLKD]

Keep a food and mood diary for 3 months?

[Hurdity]

Sorry to hear how you feel monsterfromid and I know we've had discussions before - I would really see if you could get the Mirena removed. Some women have terrible problems with it, while some are happy. I can't remember now why you were recommended this one but it could be causing you more problems than it solves and there are other ways to deal with the progesterone part of HRT.

The changes in your body are all part of the process but should happen gradually to give time to get used to them.

Also I found that as my body/face changed I needed to make more of an effort to look and feel good about myself, and to disregard the signs of ageing. I know this is easier said than done when you are feeling depressed but if it's possible to take little steps as CLKD says - then hopefully this will help. Great advice. It might be hair, skin, weight, diet, clothes, exercise, saying something you like about yourself each day.... or a whole host of things that are important for you.

Hurdity x

[Elena]

Hi, just to say I feel pretty much the same as you do

[monsterfromid]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I think a great deal of how I'm feeling is being magnified by the depression.

[CLKD]

Probably.  When depressed I haven't the energy to think about making a cuppa let alone making life style alterations ....... let the medicine do the work 

Little steps.  Don't plan too far ahead.  Learn to say 'no' more often 

[Winterose]

Do you work at all ? I think having even a small part time job helps enormously, for women who have had their children " young" and they have flown nest by the time you are 50 then it can seem as if you are staring into a black hole.

You are only 47 so probably look late 30s . If you need to lose weight look at the fast diet, take a walk everyday . While out walking admire the trees , flowers their colours .Do you have a dog? Take Hurditys advice and get the Hrt reassessed as thats a great place to start. Book some beauty treatments and possibly a massage . Keep us posted on you r journey

[Elena]

There is a sort of 5 point plan to help you deal with depression.  Said she whose had it since her twenties!!

The bits I can remember are:

Get outside every day for a time to admire and take in the nature around you

Make sure you have some form of social contact every day.

Get enough sleep

Eat properly.

I would go nuts if I didnt have a my part time job.  Much as I moan about the way it's going at times a lot of it IS my social contact for the day.

[Winterose]

Milliemoo - I do so agree with you , having work to do stops you reflecting on your own issues , my friends who have some sort of work are so much happier and positive about life than those who dont.(Apart from the serious golfers who are out exercising and socialising at  same time.) Maybe golf is the answer if you dont want to work.  As you say, work is a curse it at times as it gets in the way of other pleasures, but then you enjoy your free time so much more as you appreciate it.

[CLKD]

Winterose - have you EVER suffered with depression  - I don't mean the odd day when you feel 'low' but depression so bad that you are unable to get out of bed?  Whilst your ideas of taking a walk and taking note of things around you, when I was depressed I couldn't garner enough energy to get out of bed and never knew if it were sunny or raining outside   

[Elena]

I think Winterose and i are talking about how to prevent actually falling into that kind of depression in the first place.  I have had serious depression and I agree in that state any kind of social discourse is virtually impossible.  But there are a lot of people with low mood who could easily slip down into deeper depression who would find these sort of tips useful.  I  know when I have low mood and can feel myself sinking towards utter misery if I get myself out of the house and see somebody it makes one hell of a difference.