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[Eddie]

Well today was interesting. We had a chat about her wishes, she said no way did she want a stoma bag or any chemo/radiation. I made it clear i would respect her wishes either way as it has to be her choice. We went about our afternoon, got a wheelchair from Tesco and bought some new clothes for our visit from my Aunt (her sister) and some lovely nighties and a matching dressing gown. Got her a cosy blanket as she feels cold all the time.

After i left her i got a call from her, she fell out with me because she couldn't have extra sleeping tablets, she is addicted to them and thinks she is in danger if she doesn't sleep, she hasn't slept well for weeks now and calls me frequently during night to ask for more. Her pills are a weekly dispense so can't be collected until tomorrow to ensure safe administration, as it is a controlled drug.

Then she told me her sister had called her and told her she wouldn't need a bag, they can do the op without needing one! And she would pay for such an op!!!! Argh! I feel like i've just told her not to have the op because of the bag. I did speak with the colorectal nurse when i came home about the bag situation and she told me that hopefully if she was fit enough and the cancer is confined to the bowel that the chances are she wouldn't need a bag because of where the tumour is located. But the important thing is to wait and see if the op is an option.
This is the sister who told her not to move in with me a few years back, when me and my hubby were prepared to buy a bigger house that could provide her with all her needs.

Now at gone midnight she has hung up on me twice over sleeping pills, how can her personality be so changeable?
Eddie. x

[Trey]

Eddie, do not take it personally.  She has an awful lot to process and is probably really anxious.  Addiction to pills is awful and behavior from that alone is really not what the person really is about.  It is often the addiction talking, not your Mum.  Certainly there is a chance of no bag or a repeat surgery is very common to get rid of the bag after a ? Three month period of healing, at least in US.  But you are so right no point in discussing it really until after scan.
 
Too bad sister spoke up, but not surprising.  Try to take a mental rest and think of anything but your Mum and all that involves.  You deserve a break!

[viv]

My step father had no choice re the stoma bag. I guess it must have been to do with where the cancer was situated. His was an emergency operation so there was no consultation before hand.

The after care is really good and they will provide daily help to deal with things.

You will just have to wait and see what the consultant says. My step father did not have any further treatment as he was just too old.

Does your mum know she is calling you so often. My mother is having real memory problems and gets easily confused about who said what and when.

Honeyb
x

[CLKD]

I expect your Mum is scared and also in the habit of calling you in the early hours because who else is there to talk to/at?  Give yourself a break, it isn't personal as Trey points out, probably the 'drug' talking.     when you next talk with her remind her that the worst case scenario is a 'stoma' but if the Surgeon is careful and happy with her condition during the operation, then it may not be necessary but you can't tell until the operation takes place.

[Eddie]

Well i'm back after a well rested weekend away, my girls made me and hubby go to the caravan and when we came back dinner was made and the house spotless!! Couple of diamonds i think.
We are getting closer to the scan now and just need to focus on that, however she bullied my daughter into getting a taxi with her on Saturday and buying nytol. She's very confused (not sure that's the correct term) she thinks her neighbours were running about at 5 am wearing black suits with white collars eating food from  a carrier bag, laughing loudly, then sitting on deck chairs in the street. It's so difficult to describe this behaviour.
But i know it's not her, she's the sweetest kindest lady ever. (Usually)
Eddie. x

[Bette]

Has the memory nurse you mentioned done a proper assessment yet, Eddie? You need to find out if her confusion is due to her medication or something else. She might be dehydrated or have a urine infection - they can both cause confusion in the elderly.
So pleased to hear that you had a restful weekend and that your wonderful girls did that for you.
Bette x

[CLKD]

I'm glad that your girls got you away for a few hours.  Important to have some down time in order to re-charge those batteries!

[CazzaT]

Hi Eddie Your girls sound wonderful, well done them and the rest will have done you good. 


Cazza    xx

[Annika]

Reading your posts Eddie reminded me of how my nan was when she was extremely dehydrated and she became very confused. She was seeing strange things and telling us a strange lady kept coming at night and getting into bed with her. With all the meds she was taking and no water they began to just sit there in her tummy (as the doctor described it). Anyway glad you had a good rest and  your girls sound fantastic (great job on your part).

[Eddie]

The nurse from the memory clinic wants to hold back with the assessment until we get the ct scan on Friday. The colorectal nurse  called me today at work and i mentioned the confusion, she is going to discus it with the consultant and not rule out the cancer spreading to the brain, she did have a brain scan a few weeks back so they could look at that again.  Every time this happens we check for urine infections, but only at the very start she had one, as for dehydration? she drinks plenty water, but she does take quite a lot of diuretics because of fluid retention in her legs and feet. Anyway, thanks for the support, i felt guilty not being around for so long.
Eddie. x

[Eddie]

Update. My Mum's cancer has not spread. Thank goodness, so now we have to have her assessed by anaethetist?
 to see if she is fit enough for op. Consultant says it's slow growing and shouldn't cause her any problems for 3ish years, but thinks she would benefit from the op if available. No bag, unless the join doesn't heal. So lots to think about.
Hubby dad is in final stages of liver failure caused by pnuemonia and fibrosis of the lungs, we have been waiting by his side for a few days now. Last night the hospital told us they can't put another iv in, so he'll just fade away now. Poor hubby and his mum.
Also as if this isn't enough, the girls Dad has collapsed with liver failure, cause by alcohol and isn't expected to live. He's over in Malta so the girls can't even say goodbye.
Eddie. x

[Bette]

Oh heavens, Eddie, so much for you to deal with. 
Good news about your Mum, though. Any chance you could push ahead with the memory test and see if you can get something sorted about that side of things? 
Bette x

[Trey]

Hi Eddie, you certainly have a lot to deal with.  I'm glad your Mum's cancer is local and slow growing.  The US is changing towards colonoscopies for elderly because most cancers of elderly are slower growing.  Sorry about all the other health issues going on in your family.  Hope you find time to rest.

[Eddie]

Bette, I called memory nurse yesterday in between hospital visits. Actually missed F.I.L. passing because of it, but anyway, nurse said they have to hold back and wait for op to take place or not. Although she did tell me that the confusion state can be greatly affected when my mums wellbeing is compromised, i.e Gen anesthetic and recovery.
So it's a real catch 22 situation. I also phoned social services and have arranged a meeting to discus my mums care needs and do carers assessment. So getting somewhere...i think.

Trey. It's a tough time for both of us, hope you are coping too. xxxxx

Eddie. x

[Bette]

Mum's confusion came and went when she was in hospital, Eddie. Some of it was due to a urine infection, some just to the situation and stress, I think. The nurses were very aware and good with it. There were notices everywhere asking for relatives to tell the nurses if they noticed confusion so that they could test for urine infections.
It's slowly improving now that she's home in familiar surroundings and recovering physically.
It's good that you're having a meeting about carers. Mum's still under the Interim care Team and it's been really good having them go in (three times a day initially, twice now.) They've tested for urine infections, sorted out a (old recurring) boil on her back by calling in the District Nurse, put her on Fortisip drinks because she wasn't eating enough, encouraged her to work her way through a 2-pint container of water every day. I still go over most days and speak to her on the phone several times a day but it's reassuring for us both to have professionals involved.
Please push for all the help you can get; you'll still be heavily involved (I'm always on the phone to the carers sorting out stuff, picking up prescriptions, doing her shopping and washing etc.) but it's a relief to know that someone is seeing her when I'm not there and will flag up (or actually deal) with any problems.
Sorry to hear about F.I.L. but from what you've said, it would have been a happy release. 
Bette x