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[Eddie]

It's been a while since i was last on here, but i have been so busy looking after my mum, i am so tired with it all and feel like i am getting no where fast.
She's been in and out of hospital lots this year and is going downhill pretty fast now. My brother and i do all her medicine and cooking etc, but she is still alone at night and can't sleep so paces all night, even with double dose sleeping pills.
Her memory is so poor that she is wandering outside during the night and doesn't know anything about it the next day. We are waiting on social services to do an assessment, but this was just for medicine prompt, but now it's really needed for 24 hrs care.
She owns her house and refuses to let a nursing home use it for payment. We wondered if she would get any help towards the cost and if she can sell her house herself. The weekly cost is £755.
Any advice on how to get any help would be lovely.
Eddie. x

[CazzaT]

Welcome back Eddie sorry to hear about your mum. It's a difficult time for you so here's a big     

I don't really know exactly, but would your GP or Health visitor be able to give you any advice.

 My local council have information on there website and the team called social care direct has a 24hr contact phone line which is open 7 days a week. If your council has something like this they might be able to guide you in the right direction. Has far as I know the councils get a certain amount of money so I think they will decide by doing some kind of assessment to see if and what they pay and the needs of the patient.

You might get some information from this website   www.careuk.com or maybe contacting Age concern

Hope you get some help soon and maybe somebody else will have a bit more info for you.

 Take care Eddie 

Cazza    xx


 

[Trey]

Hi Eddie, I can sure sympathize with you and the exhaustion and money concerns.  I think UK has far superior set up for aging and next year I suspect US will get a lot worse, if that is possible.

I hope some of the members can help you find the best solution for your Mum.

Take care of yourself too.

[Eddie]

Thanks Ladies for your advice, Cazza, i have just been on that site, some good financial advice there, really need to push the council/social work which i will do tomorrow. Susan i will check out mse website too, It's the same something sad that's kept me off here too, but i felt today that i needed to air my frustrations, so i'm back.
Trey. I think you are right about the UK/US, it just seems to take so long to get services in place.

I meant to say also, she had a colonoscopy on Monday and found something wrong, biopsies were done and we should back within a week, so not sure what to think there, we are waiting for a memory clinic appt (6 weeks) after she was wandering about outside and fell, we only found out because her back and hips became very bruised, a week later her neck and head became very sore and we took her to A&E who did ct and xrays then took her off her warfarin and said she had just been very lucky.
Eddie. x

[Annika]

Not quite sure just how thing work in the UK with regards to this very difficult subject but perhaps some legal advice might be in order especially concerning the sale of property to pay for care, I believe there is some protection in that department. Just my two cents here

[Suzi Q]

I didnt think they could make you sell the family home?
IM sorry but too many people now in UK and here IN Ozz too
Thats the problem

[Bette]

Hi Eddie
Great to hear you but sorry it's for a sad reason. 
This is a subject very close to my heart at the moment, so I'm very glad that you've bought it up.  After Mum had a fall and fractured hip, she's now back at home with "interim care." That lasts for another 2 weeks but I'm sure that she'll then need some form of carers support permanently. She'll obviously be assessed and required to pay, which is fine but my concern is that her memory will get worse and eventually she'll need to go into a home. As she owns her own bungalow, we would probably need to arrange for that to be sold and the concern will be if by then she's not capable of making that decision. I'm a co-signatory on all her accounts but would need to set up a power of attorney to be able to sell the bungalow on her behalf, I think, so need to look into that. The problem is finding a way to suggest it to her without worrying her as she is already concerned about her memory problems.
It sounds as if you're a lot further along this round than us.  It's strange but when this all happened, I wondered about you and your Mum as I remembered that's she's on Warfarin, as my mum is.
Please keep posting and let's share our concerns and go through this together.
Bette x

[purplenanny]

Hi Bette

do you mind me asking how co-signatory is set up? I was thinking of POA for my hubby, but this may be easier? Do you have a legal document or is it just joint accounts?

I have always dealt with financial and correspondence matters, but several places seem to need to speak to him first before they will talk to me, which frustrates him. He is happy for POA but I think it is expensive

Purplenanny x x

[Bette]

I just went to the bank with Mum and arranged it. It means that my signature is accepted for all her bank accounts (e.g. I can sign her cheques and bank forms) even though my name isn't on the account. I would need a POA to sell her bungalow, though.
Can't you just change all yours to joint accounts? Do you co-own your house? It's simple for us as OH and I have always had both of our names on everything.
When I chatted to our solicitor about POA ages ago, he said not to bother unless we got to a stage where selling the bungalow was a definite possibility because of the expense; however, if we leave it too long she'll be deemed unfit to sign it so we need to think about it now.
Bette x

[CLKD]

Lots of good advice here.  Nothing to add except keep asking: AgeUK have helpful info too and MacMillan Nurses may well be able to advise. 

[ricky]

Lasting power of attorney cost my parents £600.00 with their solicitor whos fees are very reasonable, this was in December 2010

It took until August 2011 to complete the process

During this time their was much deterioation in their mental state.

Hope this helps you all

Ricky
Xx

[Scampi]

If there's no complications (like stroppy relatives who are likely to oppose, or complicated financial stuff), you can do an LPS yourself - I got the packs to do them for my Mum and Dad before my Dad rapidly reclined and died in February.  I really need to fish them out and persuade my ailing Mum to do the paperwork for it.

I too have been looking at the financing of residential care (Mum has had 2 bad falls resulting in hospital stays in the last 6 weeks, is very lonely without Dad and doesn't want to live on her own anymore - she wants to go into a home of some sort).  I found lots of information of the Internet from various sources - seems finding the financial stuff is quite easy, but trying to get a clue if my poor Mum stands any chance of the council agreeing to giving her a residential place seems impossible - the obviously don't want anyone to know what the criteria are (her assets are well below the threshold - Mum and Dad were never in well-paid jobs and always rented their house - the the last 27 years of Mum's working life, their house was provided by the council as part of Mum's salary package as she was a live-on-site sheltered housing warden).

My thoughts are with you - this an very difficult thing to have to deal with.

[Joyce]

Glad to see you back again Eddie!  No wonder you have been "missing" for a while, what a lot you have to cope with.
Is your mum hoping that the money for the sale of her house would go to you & siblings?  I know my mum worried about that a lot when she was till compus-mentas (sp).  Hubby & I had wills made up 2 or 3 years ago, and I'm sure there is some way that she can sign the house over to you & your brother.  Check with a solicitor or finanacial advisor.
It is terrribly expensive that's for sure.  Hubby got help from social services for his dad and that helped with the care costs, he had lived in a council house all his days.  My mum was in a different position and we had to use the sale of her place to pay for her care.
Like Ricky says POA is the way to go in circumstances such as these.  But make sure all you and your brother are aware of everything as nothing worse than a family feud over your mum's assets. 
Take care of you too though Eddie as it will wear you down. 

[viv]

Hi Eddie.......glad to see you back but sorry you are having problems.

Its too late for your mum to sign the house over to you as it has to have been done for a least seven years before it cant be touched by the government. Social Services is your first post of call. If you are her main carer then you have to ask for some respite care. This will give you and your mum a chance to see the homes that are on offer. There is a big difference in costs between council and private care. We found (with my step father) there may be a difference in price but not in care levels.

This sounds harsh....if you can get her admitted into hospital and they say she cannot cope at hope then there is a chance you can get her admitted into a care home quicker. Its such a difficult time for you and if I remember your brother was not a lot of help (unless things have changed). Can he not loof after her during the night?

How are your girls doing these days.....its such a while since you have been with us.

Let us know how things go.

Honeyb
x

[Joyce]

You're more informed than me HB regarding signing over the house.  I didn't remember all the ins & outs of it. 
It took hubby & I quite a while to go round various care homes.  At the end of the day my FIL had to go to the first one available as places were hard to come by.  It wasn't our first choice, but FIL was happy with it as it was near a local pub and he was able to go there occasionally when he was still able.
As HB says care levels are pretty much the same, it's the cost that's the problem.