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[changesbabe]

Ok ladies I really need your encouragement, advice and support!  Three years ago I had the biggest panic attack ever at Glasgow Airport - how I got on that plane I will never know but i did (by the way wasn't in meno hell then but had just experienced a sudden bereavement!).  The following year I managed to go abroad twice and one of these times was in the volcanic ash fiasco - ended up with an extra week's holiday! However later that year meno hell started - hundreds of migraines, night sweats, anxiety blah blah you know the stuff.  Well last year I barely made it to Wales and the Lakes but felt glad that we got away.  I was however disappointed not to have had the sunshine.  Hubby is a scuba diver and whilst he was happy to support me I know he missed his diving.

Well this year I have had a glimpse of finding the strength/courage to go abroad.  I have found a holiday to Corfu - everything is perfect - flight times, location, kids have been granted their annual leave etc.. now all I need to do is book it.

And there's the hard bit.  Its my anxiety that's stopping me.  Some days I can hardly get out the front door just now.  Shopping at times feels impossible as does driving and there are other days where I feel normal again.  All these activities though I can break down into small steps, I can practice, I can get people to chum me but getting on a plane there is no way to do this - I just have to do it!  What if I can't? How will I know if I can? There are drugs I can take - I have beta blockers and diazepam in the cupboard but will that be enough.  My fear is not  of the flight but my anxiety! I am terrified that my anxiety will overwhelm me and i won't be able to do it. I hate airports - feel trapped and that is where my anxiety will be at its worst.  Also the flight is in the morning - also when my anxiety is at its worst.

And yet the thought of not going fills me with such disappointment and it will feel even harder next year - I almost feel I have to face this demon to crush it - but please tell me how I hit the 'book it now' button!! xxx

[littleminnie]

Do the diazepam stop the anxiety H&S? Because if they do do you haven't got anything to worry about because they can be in your bag as a back up.
A girl at work has just come back from Mexico, it's the first time she has flown long haul for many years because she is petrified of flying. She went to the doctor and got some tablets to help her get though it. She took a tablet every 4 hours ( and had a drink on the plane) and she survived. She had a great time and is going to do long haul again next year.

[Greyhoundgal]

I have a friend who takes Diazepam before flying due to her fear of it and it works for her.  I wonder if a short course of hypnotherapy would help nearer to the date?  In the meantime, get hubby to hit the button for you

[CLKD]

I am going through the same issues - I have in mind a holiday in Italy but as soon as I begin planning my anxiety stops me going further.    ......... I know how ill I feel and how restrictive symptoms can be.  At least in the UK I can if ncessary come home but from abroad?   

[pj44]

Gosh when i read the title i was just thinking of writing something on the same lines but the daft thing is i am only going to the isle of wright and i dont know for certain when i am going, but have kinda worked it out from things that have been said by daughter and if i am right its a month today and i am dreading it already keep going over and over it in my mind the thought of being away from home is killing me. I have not been away from home for years and this is the furthest i have been in say 15 years.  But i did take some hope in that you said you at least got away in this country, can i ask how was the anxiety when you were away? tell me worts and all lol. I am like you but have been like that for 21 years. 

But i have to tell you that when i was very bad i went on my first ever 18 to 30 holiday i was about 38 at that time lol. It was my one and only time on a plane and my friend had to sit on my legs i was shaking that much and it was not so bad, but coming back i was dreadful but thats because other things had gone on while we were away and i never slept for the whole 2 weeks we were away,

You have a understanding hubby, and you want to please him and your children so thats a good thing. Take the diazipam and also take a paper bag with you and just breath into that if you need too. It so hard to say anything as i truely do know how you feel. A good friend of mine suffers too and each year she makes herself go away she keeps asking me but so far i have not been able to do it. She says that you have to just do it, So go for it, Lets say that if i can go to isle of wright then you can go on a plane sorry i know i have the easier option but believe me if you knew me and that even on my birthday i could not go for a half mile ride away going to the isle of wright is going to be a ball breaker ha ha. I hope i have helped a little.

[CLKD]

I worried about the ferry to the Isle of Wight but it was a fine day so we could sit outside and I tried to keep my mindon the egrets in the mud flats ......... over the years I have worried myself almost to death but have gone alone with hImself because he has been so good during my various states of health.  Usually once we arrive I improve for years we went self catering so that I didn't have to eat 'out', or mix with crowds; now with the beta-blockas I can go into cafes etc.. with hardly any problems.  We also stay in hotels and whereas breakfast had to be carried to our room now I can just manage to eat down stairs.  Sometimes it has been hard work and I've wanted to get home fast: so that I can look back to see whether I had a good time: or not 

[Firewalker50]

Hello H&S. 

It must be terrible to feel that way.  It is how you feel and how you think, so fortunately, you can change that.  As littleminnie said, her friend made it and had a fabulous time and that is perhaps what you could focus on - the holiday and not getting there.

My Dad had asthma later in life and had taken a panic attack on one plane - it put him off flying.  We got him some relaxation techniques, booked seats with extra legroom at the exits and aisle seat so he could move up and around if he had too.  He also got pills from the doctor to help.  He managed to go on the family holiday (we were flying in from different parts of the world) - with no idea that 2 years later he would not be with us.  He talked about that holiday and memories regularly since he came back - no mention of the anxiety before.

Some thoughts for you :  CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) which should help your overall anxiety;  relaxation techniques, yoga or meditation. 
Plan and book the seating in advance to give you opportunity to move around and in and out of the seat. 
Plan the journey to be pleasurable for you - food you could take, drink, reading, i-pod, movies, crosswords, knitting even! 
Perhaps taxi or special car to the airport and at the other side. 
If you don't like airports, plan arrival in time so that you just go through and more or less get on the plane. 
Many of our airports are much more pleasurable experiences now - breakfast, shopping.  Could you incorporate that into your journey so that you are not in the position that causes your anxiety?  Like wait to buy your favourite lipstick or perfume or something else? 
Can you get an express pass through to avoid the longer queues? 

I hope some of these ideas help Hot&Spicy.  The mind is a powerful thing - but the good thing it, that power can be harnessed to change the way we think and feel about things.

Whether you believe you can, or believe you cannot - you are right! (Hendyr Ford)

Go hit that button and start planning what a fantastic time you are going to have.

Have a fantastic holiday!!!

Fx

[ricky]

Hot & Spicy

The fear is always so much worse than the reality when we deal with the actual situation. I know exactly how your feeling am holding back aswell but for different reasons at the moment.

You Must book it and go.

Life is too short for this to hold us all back from doing fun things.

Sending you strength
Ricky
XX

[2cats]

Hi hot and spicy,  During the lead up to my meno meltdown last May I had a major panic attack in the hot and busy airport before flying home to the UK after a lovely holiday (though I reckon certain stresses in the hire car coming back through an unfamiliar city helped cause the attack along with hunger).  It did pass and I did get on the plane.
However, it has left me with real doubt as to whether I can face going abroad again (though I now at least imagine myself abroad, which I couldn't do last year at all!)  It's not the flying that concerns me, it's the fear of bringing on severe anxiety that will result in me making a complete prat of myself!  I'm 80% sure that once on holiday, I'll have a lovely time after I settle in to it after a couple of days....  But my head tells me "what if you freak out abroad and are desperate to get home and can't???"  Being away from home feels scary.  I have been away in the UK twice seen my meltdown last year and had to take a really small dose of valium for the journey and here and there during the time away...but I'm so glad I went as it proved to me that I am making progress. 

You're absolutely right - we have to face these demons to prove them wrong.. life's too short.

You could also visit Paul Mckenna's website as he has a download there to do with fear of flying which is not expensive and may help you.
Meanwhile get your husband to press send!
Good luck

[Pennyfarthing]

This time last year something horrible happened to me and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the person involved was sent to prison.  I don't think I ever talked about it on here but I ws very poorly for a lot of last year, although I may have come on here sounding perfectly OK.  I am still having counselling.

I have been absolutely terrified of being in similar situations and I no longer venture far by myself.  I also now suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and claustrophobia. All things which have never affected me in my life.

I went on holiday in March  and psyched myself up.  There was just me and my DD. I was OK going on the plane and for about a third of the journey and then I started feeling very anxious.  I took a good book, some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy, some water and a relaxation tape which I had to listen to non-stop.  I was never so glad to get to the hotel.
I felt ill for the first couple of days but then started calming down and finally enjoyed myself.

Coming home I booked an aisle seat (where I felt less claustrophobic) and I kept telling myself that I'd made it there so I'd make it home too.  I really do sympathise with anyone on here who has anxiety so you could try some of the things I mentioned.  Probably the relaxation tape was best.  I just kept playing and replaying it.

[Pennyfarthing]

Hi hot and spicy,  During the lead up to my meno meltdown last May I had a major panic attack in the hot and busy airport before flying home to the UK after a lovely holiday (though I reckon certain stresses in the hire car coming back through an unfamiliar city helped cause the attack along with hunger).  It did pass and I did get on the plane.
However, it has left me with real doubt as to whether I can face going abroad again (though I now at least imagine myself abroad, which I couldn't do last year at all!)  It's not the flying that concerns me, it's the fear of bringing on severe anxiety that will result in me making a complete prat of myself!  I'm 80% sure that once on holiday, I'll have a lovely time after I settle in to it after a couple of days....  But my head tells me "what if you freak out abroad and are desperate to get home and can't???"  Being away from home feels scary.  I have been away in the UK twice seen my meltdown last year and had to take a really small dose of valium for the journey and here and there during the time away...but I'm so glad I went as it proved to me that I am making progress. 

You're absolutely right - we have to face these demons to prove them wrong.. life's too short.

You could also visit Paul Mckenna's website as he has a download there to do with fear of flying which is not expensive and may help you.
Meanwhile get your husband to press send!
Good luck

I am not scared of flying but I am now scared of situations where I'm "trapped".  This probably sounds crazy as in a plane you might think I'd feel trapped but my brain tells me I can choose to move around if I want to.  However, my DD was in the window seat I was in the middle seat and an elderly man was in the aisle seat.  He sat with his hand up resting on the seat in front and that was just enough to make me feel "trapped" and cause me to panic.

I then had several days imagining, like you, about what would happen if I couldn't get home.  We were only away a week so I figured that by the time I had reorganised flights home (to another airport) the week would nearly be up and I'd spoil DD's holiday too.  I just took it one day at a time and told myself I'd coped the day before so I could do it again the next day. 

[Bryher22]

Diazepam works for me when flying - just takes the edge off the whole experience.  Plus once you're up in the air you will relax.  I hadn't flown for over 20 years and I think this just made me feel even more nervous. 

Now my youngest daughter lives in Tenerife and I feel that I need to be 'brave' to go and see her.  I've done the trip 3 times now.  Yes I still feel very nervous but the diazepam definitely helps.


Bryher
 

[silverlady]

I have the opposite problem OH won't go on holiday as he says he needs to know he is near a hospital, the last time we went away it was only to Bath and we ended up in A&E with OH with AF and anxiety. He won't fly for the same reason.

I love airports and planning holidays, but I think it would have to be alone, but  I want to share these things with OH and I don't think it will happen, its lucky that we are both well traveled just not with each other.

I would say if you are anxious about the whole thing of holidays, just put one foot in front of another and do it. Think with your feet and not your head, its the only way.

silverlady x

[CLKD]

"It is how you feel and how you think, so fortunately, you can change that  ...... " if I had a £1 for every psychologist who told me that I would be Very Rich Indeed  .  It is NEVER how I think.  It is the feelings that take over and ground me.  I become a physically shaking wreck unable to function.  Even the furniture shakes  .  A psychologist once asked me what I thought about before panic set in and would not realise - because she had NEVER had a panic attack - that it happens; out of the blue; that I don't need a thought pattern for it to begin ........... CBT helps very few people and how many psychologists contact patients that don't return to sessions?  I never met one in 15 years of therapy that phoned to see whether I had improved, whether their services had helped etc.; usually I left because it was a waste of my money and time 

Anxiety for me is physical.  Grounding.  Dis-enabling 

[Pennyfarthing]

Add me to that list of people who stop going CLKD!  I saw a woman most of last year and this year was transferred to a colleague of hers who apparently goes a bit deeper.

I went a couple of times & then she decided we should talk more about the incident which happened to me.  I said I'd talked plenty to my hubby, friends, the police, victim support etc. But she wants me to re-live it by talking as if it's happening right  now.  That really unnerved me and I started feeling anxious just thinking about it!   I ended up crying in her office for about half an hour, came out feeling drained and had to go straight home.

I then rang up and cancelled  the next appointment because I couldn't face crying again!  I am still undecided whether to re-book another appt. but she hasn't contacted me yet.